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Comment by Melissa Szuch on July 22, 2011 at 9:15pm

thank u all! I love this group and am so grateful for all of your care, concern and support, It is such a relief to have someone to talk to. 

I am at our beach house and told my neighbor that Sarah passed away, she grabbed me and hugged me tight and started to cry.  She said "OMG Melissa I am so sorry I Lost my son too he was only 2 years old..I feel your pain. no one unless they have lost a child can know your pain they have no idea!" I was in shock she had never shared with  me her loss.  Two moms missing there babies just stood there holding each other crying.  Best cry that I have had since Sarahs passing.  I cannot explain the connection that we now share. 

It is bitter sweet being here in Cayucous, everywhere I look I see reminders of her. Us walking down the street  to the beach in her wedding gown, then today holding this small little hand of my grandson Aden making the same walk. 

We came to spread her ashes, I am not ready for that at all its far to soon! I dont know when, just not now maybe never... who knowns

Comment by Ann Edmondson on July 22, 2011 at 4:28pm

Lisa -- I am sooo sorry you are having a difficult time with the arrangements for your little girls grave. It is bad enough that we have to bury our child then to have insensitive people to try and walk all over us just rubs salt into the wound. I wish I could be there to give you the hugs you need. Please accept these cyber hugs instead.

Comment by Sandra LaBonte on July 22, 2011 at 3:26pm

Karen, We actually paid extra for Kasey to have the cement. It keeps the ground water out of the casket so it actually serves a good purpose. I was advised to do this by my father in law because when they buried his mother next to his father there was no slab and water got in the coffin. I'm not trying to upset you because those people were callous and rude to you. I was just hoping to make you feel better about the cement because it is protecting your precious son. Melissa, I have no words for you other than I am so very sorry that happened to you. I just don't know what to say. Lisa, I'm glad you finally got the job done right. Kasey's headstone doesn't come for another 2-4 months. I pray I don't have the problems you had. Sandy

Comment by Lisa Adams on July 22, 2011 at 1:42pm

Oh dear God Melissa, how awful!!! I agree, some of these people need to have empathy training!  I called the manager at the funeral home again this morning and told him what I found last night.  He called me back 15 minutes later and I could hear some noise in the background. He informed me that he was at the cemetary, had the guys out there working and that he would not leave until it was fixed.  And he was true to his word! One of Roxanne's friends got there as they were working and texted me.  I asked her to text me a photo when they were done so I could see if it was finally right. It was! FINALLY!! But it shouldn't have taken him literally standing over them to get it done.  Wonder how they would feel if it was their loved one!?

Comment by Melissa Szuch on July 22, 2011 at 1:28pm

Hi Ladies,

The day of Sarahs service I recieved a call from the funeral home and they said there had been a mistake and that Sarah had not been sent to the crematorium and that she was still at the funeral home.  I did not have her embalmed because she was being cremated. The guy said that they were willing to put her in a casket but there would be a smell because of decomposition... THIS HORRIFIED ME I FOUND SARAH AFTER 2 DAYS, ALL I COULD PICTURE WAS WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE AFTER 2 WEEKS! I was so upset, the service went on with an empty coffin, her father was expecting half of her ashes.. Talk about making a already bad day worse... IDK I think they should make them take some sort of empathy class or something.  The guy we made Sarahs arrangements with was very nice when we were writing the check however after there mix up and me having to wait another week for her ashes was a lot to take.  I didn't want to go back to the place that reminded me of her death.. It was awful...

Comment by Karen R. on July 22, 2011 at 11:58am

What?!!!!!! Oh no!, that's horrible! ! I can imagine how you felt, I had a similar incident but not as traumatic as yours, now that I've read what happened to you! Thank goodness that my son's granite monument was exactly what I ordered. The first incidence I had with the cementery was the very next day after my son's funeral/burial, I went to cementery because I was in such denial, to look for my son. I know it sounds crazy but I really believed he could be wondering around somewhere, confused and lost because he had a brain injury. I had my husband drive me around town first before he brought me to the cementery. My husband knew my mental state and he did not want to feel my wrath, so he did it. Anyway, when I get there, I rush over to where he was and I see that there is a huge hole or burial plot next to him that was just being dug for someone else's burial. My heart was pounding out of my chest because all of the dozens of flowers that were placed there, were just thrown all over the place. I started to panic that maybe my son "got out" or that they moved my son. When I fell to my knees, right at the edge, one of the grave diggers came over to me and asked what was wrong and I yelled' who moved my son's flowers?!" and my son could not possibly be down there, this idiot said "oh yeah, i dug your son's grave yesterday, look close, you can see a part of his white casket right there but it's a little hard because there is a cement slab over it". He's pointing, like it was nothing!  I could not believe it! My husband had to literally drag me away and fight with me to get me in the car. I cursed every bad word there is. I couldn't believe how cold this bastard was. I was totally unaware that they a place a slab of cement over the casket, i did NOT need to see that, I started thinking that thing on top would really make it hard for him to get out, so I had to convince myself that maybe he got out before they put the slab on. My husband wanted me to go on some antipsychotic medications after that but I would never do that. I told my husband that I am on the worst emotional roller coaster of my life. 

Alot of these people that work there. its just a "job" to them. They need to always remember that this is our loved one's final resting place. Some people, like me, have the need and desire to be there as much as possible and others may never want to return there or only visit for birthdays and special events/holidays but for whatever reasons you have, everyone should be treated with respect. I take special care of getting rid of weeds and watering flowers and bushes I have there, it's important to me and I don't want my son's 'place' disrespected, ever. There was another incident when i went to visit and some pictures and candles and some other things were gone. once again that burning rage came over me and I went straight to their office to make a complaint. I told the supervisor that I feel like my son's place was robbed, yes robbed! She tried to reassure me that none of their workers would ever move those things and that maybe another visitor did because the only thing they sometimes remove are dead bouquets of flowers but nothing else. Anyway, thank goodness, nothing has ever been removed again.

Sorry for what happened.

Comment by Lisa Adams on July 22, 2011 at 11:02am

Ladies, you are not going to believe this one.  I have gone round and round with the people at the cemetary over Roxanne's marker.  The woman who helped us when we ordered it was rude and made very insensitive comments.  Then they ordered the marker without me proofing it and it WAS WRONG.  Then they told me it would be in place by July 3rd.  After having to go up to the manager again this past Monday and complain, they finally got the marker down on Wednesday.  Guess what? Again, not what I ordered! It didn't even have a flower vase on it! So, I go to the manager again to complain.  He assures me they will get it fixed Thursday.  So, late last night I go up to the cemetary and my precious girl's grave is torn all to Hell!  The granite was knocked over to the side, the flowers that were on the grave were strewn everywhere and it looked like a dog or something had been digging up the dirt! I was so upset!

Comment by Karen R. on July 20, 2011 at 10:06pm

You are very welcomed Lisa. I know how it feels to want the closest person to you, to support you through these difficult times. It's as if he is taking your emotional state personally. Unfortunately, he may NEVER get it, he definitely doesn't get it now. He could just be one those people that don't know how to handle traumatic events like ours. Sorry, I hope something changes for the better and if it doesn't, trust me, you will be better off.

Comment by Lisa Adams on July 20, 2011 at 6:33pm

Thanks Ann and Karen.  I actually talked him into going to my counseling appointment with me today and he stayed all of 10 minutes before getting in a huff over something he THOUGHT the counselor said and left. He was looking for a reason to get angry so he could justify to himself for not being there. The counselor actually told me, after my mate left, that I shouldn't make any life altering decisions right now while I'm so over the edge emotionally. So I've decided to just shut up and not let him get to me if at all possible.  I have plenty of friends that are more than happy to give out hugs and affection. I hate that it's not the person that should be there the most. Especially after all I've done for him. But Oh well.

Comment by Karen R. on July 20, 2011 at 6:29pm

Hey Ann and everyone. This this a great forum to vent. I f it wasn't for forums like this, I don't know where I would be now. It is extremely difficult, if not impossible, at times to have people truly understand what we are feeling and why we are feeling this way, if they are not experiencing it.

Thanks

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