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Comment by Ann Edmondson on August 12, 2011 at 4:54pm

I would explain to her that at this time you are not shipping things to people that you do not know. Explain that while your daughter may have been involved with the online group you are uncomfortable sending things to unknown people. I would also ask her why she feels it so important to have something. If she cannot give a good enough answer you can block her Email and report her as a spammer to make her back off.

Comment by Lisa Adams on August 12, 2011 at 8:28am

Good Morning Ladies!  I need some advice today.  My daughter was in an on-line support group, much like this one, for young people dealing with gastroparesis.  She had never met any of these people personally and had known them on-line for a very short time.

About six weeks ago, I had gathering at my home and I invited all of Roxanne's friends to come over.  I allowed them to each go into her room and pick out an item that was special to them (I had already put things away that I did not want to get rid of) I had them all write in a journal what item they chose anad why it was special to them.

Now for the problem, there is a lady (not a teenager but a grown up lady with 3 kids!) from the gastroparesis group that keeps sending me emails bugging me to send her something to Roxanne's to remember her by.  This woman did not even know my daughter other than their on-line chats.  Her persistence in this is beginning to really creep me out.  What should I do?

 

Comment by Karen R. on August 10, 2011 at 10:12pm

Dear Lisa, I am so sorry ! I know how hard that had to be. It's a cruel reminder how the world goes on without our children when it feels like our world has ended. I am sorry that your baby was taken away way too soon. I took for granted that all of my children would always be here. I always thought that "other" people lost their children, never me! None of us are exempt. 

I feel everyone's pain, in a perfect world, this pain would be non-existent, hugs to everyone.

Comment by Karen R. on August 10, 2011 at 10:03pm

Greetings Ammy, I know all about stuggling to put your thoughts on something else. Trust me, don't worry, you will never forget your baby, your child. My heart just ached when I read that poem from the mother that lost her baby girl. It ached so much because I could feel every word. I too, think about the petty things that I often rode my son about, they seem so trivial now. I  still send him texts on his cell phone, I use to call it often, hoping he would answer but now I hardly call it because I don't like to hear the out-of-service message.  I also think about the day that I found out that my son was in ICU in the hospital, he had been missing and was there for 30hrs! I knew that something horrible had to have happened, my other children and my parents tried to hide it from me. They all knew where he was about 2 hrs before I did. He was admitted as a "john doe" because they couldn't find his ID. I remember how furious I was to see that fictitious name band he had on, I asked them to change it immediately. All I could think of was that he has a life, he's my son, he's a grandson, a brother, nephew, cousin and a friend to many, he's not a "john doe". This is all just so sad. I like that little verse you posted, I will try to think of it and actually believe it.

Thanks for your support.

Comment by Ammy on August 10, 2011 at 4:12pm

Oh Lisa, I'm so sorry.  This must be so hard for you.  Hugs & blessings.

Comment by Lisa Adams on August 10, 2011 at 3:59pm

So today was the first day back to school here.  It was so hard hearing it all over the news and the other moms here at work talking about the hassels getting the kids up and on the bus, the excitment for the seniors.  Roxanne would have been a senior this year. She was sooooo excited about it and looking forward to college visits and plans.  Now all I have is yet another big gaping hole and a reminder that she is not where she is supposed to be.  Hugs to everybody   {{  }}  Lisa

Comment by Ammy on August 10, 2011 at 9:20am

Karen, thanks for sharing that writing.  Reading it and seeing how true it all is was hard, but I have to face that reality even though I do everything I can to avoid it.  Always trying to make my thoughts go to something else is so tiring, but even after a year I seem to constantly be thinking of my son.  As soon as my eyes open in the morning and when I'm trying to get to sleep at night, he is with me.  Sometimes I feel like I am being so selfish because I pray and cry out to forget, but then I'm afraid I will forget.  I already struggle with trying to remember what his voice sounded like.  I want to hear him talk to me again and then the guilt comes again because I remember so many times when he would be talking to me and I wanted him to stop.  Those were the times when he was talking what I call 'nonsense'.  Oh what I would give to hear 'nonsense' again.  Wednesdays are particularly hard for me still.  I always seem to notice the time around 9:30 a.m. when the police came to the house.  I didn't need to be told, I knew he was gone.  I thank you all for your posts.  They help me keep going many days.  I'm sorry I don't connect often, but I want to lift up and I have nothing to give you to help lift you up, so I usually remain quiet.  Be blessed.

I have been reading this little verse this week.  It does seem to help me.

A Fallen Limb
A limb has fallen from the family tree
I keep hearing a voice that says,"Grieve Not for Me." 
Remember the best times,the laughter, the songs,
the good life I lived while I was strong.
My mind is at ease, I am at rest.

Comment by Laura Villarreal on August 9, 2011 at 7:26am

Thank you, Karen, for sharing.  Sad to say it is right on target...only another mother could explain the "new normal" we all share. ((((HUGS)))) to you and all the other moms grieving the loss of their "baby".

Comment by Karen R. on August 9, 2011 at 12:34am

My new "Normal" 
Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realizesomeone important is missing from all the important events in your family's life. 
Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming because you just don't like to sit through anything. 
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why didn't I's go through your head constantly. 
Normal is reliving that day continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away. 
Normal is having the TV on the minute I walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening. 
Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in my heart. 
Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of my "normal". 
Normal is having some people afraid to mention my baby. 
Normal is making sure that others remember her. 
Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse sometimes, not better. 
Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. NOTHING. Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare. Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural. 
Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because I know my mental health depends on it. 
Normal is realizing I do cry everyday. 
Normal is disliking jokes about death or funerals, bodies being referred to as cadavers, when you know they were once someone's loved one. 
Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone, but someone stricken with grief over the loss of your child. 
Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child. 
Normal is feeling a common bond with friends on the computer in England, Australia, Canada, the Netherlands and all over the USA, but yet never having met any of them face to face. 
Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and crying together over our children and our new lives. 
Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. "God may have done this because..." I love God, I know that my baby is in heaven,but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why babies were taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother. 
Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did laundry or if there is any food. 
Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have a child, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that my baby is in heaven. And yet when you say you have no children to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed your baby. 
Normal is avoiding McDonald's and Burger King playgrounds because of small, happy children that break your heart when you see them. 
Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours and asking if there even is a God. 
Normal is knowing I will never get over this loss, in a day or a million years. 
And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think thatyou are "normal". 

~Written by someone that knows exactly what I'm going through, this woman loss her baby girl, it does not matter how old your child is, they will always be your baby.
 

 

Comment by Karen R. on August 5, 2011 at 6:53pm

Dear Joan and everyone, go ahead and scream if you want to!!!!!!!!  None of us signed up for this crap! The people/agency responsible for robbing me and my son of his life, have not been brought to justice yet either. My son's voice has been silenced but mine's has not! 

Still depending on my mood and who the person is, when asked that question...."how are you?".......I answer by saying things could be a lot better or I'm hurting, I'm broken, I'm fu@ked up!!!(excuse the language), sometimes I say, " how do you think I feel, can you get me my son back?"!!!!! I have never really cared much about making others feel uncomfortable because it is truly not intended that way and it bothers me that some people take it personal. I am not going to lie about how I feel, before my son passed away, I probably would have but not now, no way. Some of us grieve and mourn the same way and many of us grieve different. No one can pass judgement, especially someone that has not walked in our shoes.

Hugs to everyone.

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