Comment

Comment by Karen R. on September 8, 2011 at 9:31pm

Hello Melissa, Lorraine and everyone. That's an understatement that the lost of child is too much to bare! I can NOT "handle" this one minute. I almost got into a car accident today because I thought I saw my son talking to another person on the sidewalk. I wanted him to be my son, he looked just like him. Accepting that it was not him only made me angry. I am finding that more and more, to get through the days, I convince myself that nothing ever happened to my son, I tell myself that my mind is playing tricks on me or I am having a nightmare.  I still feel like  the best place for my son is here, with me and his family. 

I wish I could give each and everyone of you a hug but most of all. I wish I could somehow give you your child back......safe and sound.

Comment by Lorraine on September 7, 2011 at 7:36pm

Melissa, I always hate when people say things like God doesn't give us more than we can handle.  Losing my son is more than I can handle.  Losing a child is more than most people can handle...  I am sorry that you lost your daughter Sarah.  I am glad you have your daughter Laura to help you through.  My girls have been a tremendous help to me as well.  Sending love

Comment by Melissa Szuch on September 7, 2011 at 8:21am

Hi guys, I had to get off this page for a minute and see if I could stop reliving the pain that I feel. Its NEVER going to go away. I see her in everything and I am so mad at God right now. I dont get the plan, I know that my daughter was miserable here on earth. It says in the bible that God will never give us more than we can handle. Well this is pushing the ticket. Over the past few weeks a very close friend of mine shared with me that she lost a child herself. She and I have been close friends for years and she never told me about it. I was shocked I do understtand about not talking about it. My pain is just that mine, when the tears come I go out into the game room with her ashes,picture, and a lock of her hair and wail. I used to be such a happy person. I was holding my 1 month old grandson and I started to sing you are my sunshine, I could not finish the song. Even in Sarahs adult life I would leave that as a message on her phone.  My sunshine is gone, its not coming back. We have started a new bussiness and in the shop I am opening up a little shop inside called Sarahs Secrets. It is something that she and I had talked about and I will see that all the way threw. I dont know where I would be emotionally without my daughter Laura. She is going threw it as I am. We laugh, talk and cry together. I wish there was something special that I could do for each and everyone of you ladies to ease your pain if only for a day

Comment by Jodi Denton on September 3, 2011 at 12:39am

I agree, I dont leave my kids out when I am asked if I have children but sometimes I wish people wouldnt even ask. I hate the way " I have had 2 sons but they both are no longer living." sounds coming out of my mouth. I relive it when I say it and I hate the look on the peoples faces who asked me and they never know what to say...what would I say if someone said that to me?... I dont know.

Comment by Karen R. on August 24, 2011 at 11:04pm

Hey Jodi, I totally agree with Ann's last comment. She's right, do not hide your feelings, the only way that they will truly understand, is if they have suffered the loss of their child and if they haven't, then good for them. You handle it however it's best for you.....at that moment. For me, when I am asked how many children I have, I always include my son, sometimes I say he passed away and sometimes I don't, but I never leave him out of the count, he will always be my son. I don't sugar coat, the "how are you question". just like they may not intentionally be trying to upset me is the same way they should not take my response personally. Our emotions are like a crazy roller coaster ride.

Comment by Ann Edmondson on August 24, 2011 at 10:13am

Jodi ~ Often the people who refuse to talk to us again are not worth worrying about in the first place as they are not worth it. Please know that here on this forum you can say and cry to your hearts content and we all will send you those so desperate needed hugs. It has been four and a half years since I lost my son. I decided after a couple of years of trying to fake those happy smiles that I am just honest with people. I let them know exactly how I feel whether it is a good day or a bad day (or moment for that matter). When you start trying to fake your emotions you set yourself up for failure and feel worse. Say with pride that you gave birth to two wonderful boys then state unfortunately they are no longer on this earth. Those who are willing to understand will be there for you. The rest can go fly a kite! Until they have walked in our shoes they will never fully understand.

Comment by Jodi Denton on August 24, 2011 at 9:46am

Although I have learned to smile on demand. I have also learned to control my tears... I make excuses to leave the room and hide around the corner or in the bathroom and cry just for a second.. like it is some kind of release valve and if I dont do it I will explode. But you are right karen, even when I am not pysically crying the tears are still there on the inside.. I can feel them running down my heart constantly. I hate when someone at school asks me directly if I have kids.. I want to say no and leave it at that but I cant because it feels like a am betraying my sons by denying they ever existed so I have to tell them " I had 2 sons but they are both no longer living." then the person doesnt know what to say and generally wont ever talk to me again.I dont understand that reaction. If I knew someone like that I would do anything I could to be nice and understanding but that is not what I have found from other people they mostly just wont ever talk or even look at me again and it makes me feel like I have a disease they dont want to catch.

Comment by Karen R. on August 23, 2011 at 8:22pm

I also know about that all too well......feeling fake by smiling back but I do realize that people are just trying to be nice. I think to myself, wow, they have no clue that the tears are flowing on the inside even when they can't be seen on the outside.

Comment by Jodi Denton on August 23, 2011 at 5:49pm

Karen,

I do suggest that anyone who is grieving get involved with some kind of class,club or association so that is awesome that you are going to get involved at a school. I tell myself when I am at school or work that I cannot think of my son. Of course there are alot of times thoughts of him or what happened still sneek in but I tell myself to stop and that I will think about it when I get home. I dont do this because I dont love my son or dont want to think about him, honestly that is all I want to do but I cant fail out of school and I cant get fired for having a nervous breakdown either so i dont have much other choice. At first when i went back to work and school I didnt want to be there, I just wanted to be home crying and when someone would smile at me I would find it hard to smile back and I actually felt like I wanted to flip them off or something but then they didnt know what had happened and they didnt know my life had turned to hell so I started smiling back, at first it felt fake because I didnt feel like smiling at anyone for any reason but then I thought about it and realized that they were just trying to be nice and I really needed somone to be nice to me at that time ( still do). And now I return their smiles and I feel it more often than not just for a second...any happiness is welcome even if it only lasts a second. My sadness is so deep I welcome any break form it even though it comes right back. 

Comment by Karen R. on August 23, 2011 at 5:25pm

Hey Jodi, I know that it is hard to find comfort but you are probably right about finding other activities for distraction. I plan on volunteering at my youngest school again this year.

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