Comment

Comment by Lorie Dunn on October 5, 2011 at 7:01pm

Ammy, I will pray for you and your family.  I understand your hurt, your longing to "find" something that is missing.  Like Karen, there are days where I just have to convince myself that Hunter is gone...not gone.  Sometimes it is the only way to get through my day.  I went to the eye doctor Monday, he looked into my eyes with one of those machines they use and said "you have inflammation behind your eyelids do you cry alot?  Do I cry alot????  The doctor doesnt know my situation, but hell yes I cry alot!!!!! Sorry, got off the subject there.  Anyway, I think the changing of the season is rough on me too.  I just want to sleep.  I want things to be normal again.  I miss my Hunter Dean.

Comment by Ammy on October 5, 2011 at 5:11pm

Thanks Karen, I know you are having a hard time as well.  {{{Hugs}}}

Comment by Karen R. on October 5, 2011 at 3:14pm

Hey Ammy, I just wanted you to know that I totally understand how you feel. I go through periods where I need to look at and feel and smell some of my son's things and then i have other days when i can not look at them. I find myself more often, when I am by myself, convincing  myself that he is really ok and he just has amnesia and can't find his way home, it sounds crazy but sometimes I have to do it. My heart also aches for your grand daughter, this life can be so unfair at times. What could possibly be good that she doesn't have her daddy anymore? How will that ever be "ok"? Try to keep gaining your strength to cope and go on for her if noone else.  Once again, I am so sorry for your pain.

Comment by Ammy on October 5, 2011 at 2:21pm

Is the absence of every one a good sign or a bad sign?  I hope you all are coping.  I'm having a hard time and I think it's because of the change of season.  Just an excuse I'm giving myself.  Yesterday I went into my son's room and went through everything that's left...AGAIN.  What am I looking for?  I know I need something, but it's not here.  I feel like getting in my car and just going off somewhere and try to have a new live, but I have my husband, my daughters, and grandchildren.  BUT, for some reason I don't care about them right now.  I do care for my son's daughter though.  I can't leave her.  She's going to turn 3 on Sunday, Oct. 9th, and she's going to want her daddy.  This crap is for the birds.  I wish I could take her pain as well.  It's unfair that a little one has to suffer this loss too.  Those that have faith...pray for me.  I need some help.

Comment by Lorie Dunn on September 30, 2011 at 4:56am

Lisa, You have a wise counselor!  Thank you for sharing that.  Any task seems like struggle.  I always seem to have to "take a break" during anything and then I get very UNmotivated and just don't care if it gets done.  I have gained weight from lack of exercise.I look and feel so much older than I did before Hunter died through but this "new life" sucks.I also know that I am stronger than what I think and will make it through because that is what Hunter would have wanted for me. I miss him so much!

Comment by Lisa Adams on September 29, 2011 at 3:38pm

Lorie, I have that same problem.  I've had to learn to make myself notes for EVERYTHING or I'll forget.  I asked my counselor about it and he said that, yes, it's a stress symptom.  It's so frustrating though!  And it takes me hours to complete the simplest tasks sometimes, like cleaning house, because I get sidetracked so easily. But we have to learn to be kind to ourselves, and even though it's hard sometimes, to take care of ourselves.  I loved the perspective that my counselor gave me. He said "You will never again be the person you were before she died. And the person you will become depends on the choices that you make now."  I have to make good choices so that my future self can lead as happy, healthy and well balanced life as possible.

Comment by Lorie Dunn on September 29, 2011 at 3:17pm

I understand what you guys mean about everything being an effort.  I know that I really am doing better than I was six months ago or a year ago...but I still want to stay in bed (well piled up on the couch) more than anything. And I have noticed that since my son Hunter died, I can not retain a thought for any length of time.  Is that a symptom of post traumatic stress disorder??? I forget things so easily now. Every day is a new emotion, some days, like you said Lisa, I can smile, while other days it is all I can do to hold it together until I am alone and can cry.

Comment by Lisa Adams on September 29, 2011 at 2:04pm

I truly understand now why my grief counselor refers to it as "working through the grief"  People don't realize how hard it really is to make the right choices. To do what is best for us. If I did what I WANTED to do, I would probably never get of bed!  It's strange now to have to make a conscious effort to do things that normally I would do without thinking, like eating.  A co-worker this morning said to me "I don't like it when you're sad.  You were happy and smiling yesterday why are you sad today?" Really? does she not realize that for me to be happy and smiling takes a conscious EFFORT on my part and that some days, like today, I just don't have the energy to pull it off.

Comment by Grace on September 29, 2011 at 1:40pm

Hi Lisa... H ave had days like this... having one today... woke up with another strange dream about my son.... (Had one last Friday and felt EXACTLY like you are talking about in your post) FORCED myself to go to work... CRAMMED all of my Emotions away so I would not fall apart on the "Outside" and just felt like getting through the day was an endurance run.   I understand this exhaustion you feel.... I find myself hiding in the shower... crying so hard I can not breate through my nose.... thenyawning.... like our kids cried and then slept....   It is a day when I just want to stay in bed too....  and today it is raining too.

Went to a bread store where I met another friend who is 2 years past the death of her husband and we both talked about how hard these grief feelings are and that it seems like the "Normal" world doesn't seem to care or understand. it is Fall and it seems like many of us are "Falling Apart"..... Hugs

Comment by Lisa Adams on September 29, 2011 at 12:19pm

What an awful day. =(   This morning I CHOSE to get up out of bed and get dressed. I CHOSE to eat breakfast even though I wasn't hungry because it's not good for me to go without food. I CHOSE to come to work, even though all I wanted to do was stay in bed where it's warm and quiet and safe. It's only noon and I'm already exhausted even though I have done next to nothing today.  Until you're here, you never understand how truly exhausting it can be to just get through the day.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 699
• 700
• 701
• 702
• 703
• …
• 757
• Next ›
• Page