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Comment by Karen R. on October 20, 2011 at 8:23pm

Thanks Lorraine, I haven't been on in awhile myself. I watched your son's video multiple times. Sorry I haven't kept in contact. No one's loss is less than another's but how true it is that not many are comparable to losing your child, I only say this because I have heard others say that they experienced the loss of a parent, sibling, spouse, grandparent or close friend but when they lost their child, that pain far outweighed and previous loss......hugs to all

Comment by Lorraine on October 20, 2011 at 8:04pm

Karen, your words are beautiful ~ our children are so much more than a memory... I just love this writing of yours.  I haven't been on in awhile; it was my Sy guy's birthday on October 5th; hard to imagine he would be 33 this year.  I lost him to cancer only 8 months after diagnosis, as some here know.  He was 29 and so excited with life...  4 years ago just days before his birthday he went into the hospital thinking he had a pinched nerve... as it should have been for a 28 year old young man.  But it was cancer that was eating through his bones.  I miss him terribly, there is no worse pain than that of losing a child, I truly believe this.  As horrific as other losses are, this one really eats away at a person's sanity.  I miss my beautiful boy.  So glad you are all here, and so sorry you all need this site.  sending love

Comment by Karen R. on October 20, 2011 at 7:47pm

Hi Grace, Ann and everyone, I am also so grateful for this site. Friends and family truly don't understand unless they have experienced this. I have said countless times that it is so important not to be judged about our feelings and thoughts and the way we grieve. This is a pain we all wish we could have been spared. In a PERFECT world, none of us would.

Comment by Ann Edmondson on October 20, 2011 at 3:21pm

Grace ~ I am glad you found this forum. I have not been on for a while either. But like you said -- here you will find those of us who understand what you are going through. Although all of us would NEVER want to be here and would do anything to change our lives.

Comment by Grace on October 20, 2011 at 2:30pm

I just found this site a few weeks ago... and I have found it helpful.... I was having all of these similar feelings that I really did not feel y friends and family could not understand... or were even uncomfortable talking about.... here I don't feel like I am going crazy because we are all experiencing similar feelings....

Comment by Karen R. on October 20, 2011 at 12:57pm

Hi Grace, thanks for your support, means a lot.

Comment by Grace on October 20, 2011 at 8:48am

Very Beautifully said Karen.   I know it seems like the world continues to rotate .... evenwhile we are standing still in our grief.  I can relate to all of your comments...

Comment by Karen R. on October 19, 2011 at 10:08pm

sorry that the last 2 lines were placed out of place

Comment by Karen R. on October 19, 2011 at 10:06pm

My son is so much more than a memory! he had a life

He is more than a memory, I carried him in my womb,

He is more than a memory, I experienced 8hrs of labor pain and was blessed with such a gift......surely worth all of that pain!

He is more than a memory, we bought him home and i would be in awe of him.

He is more than a memory, I watched him roll over to his side, sit alone, crawl and finally walk! I remember when he called me ma-ma....how sweet!

He is more than a memory, he was LION KING crazy and  obcessed with Michael Jackson!....doing all those dance moves!

He is more than a memory, I felt his pain when he broke his shoulder.

He is more than a memory, I felt his joy when he got the bicycle and racing set that he prayed for.

He is more than a memory, I felt his pride when I would come to his school performances and his nervousness when I would come to his little league baseball and basketball games.....he always told me I made him nervous, I wonder why, perhaps all of my screaming and yelling his name...lol!

He is more than a memory, he use to complain......behind my back of course, how annoying I could be with him missing class assignments or cutting school or not cleaning his room....go figure!

He is more than a memory, all he ever wanted to eat was pizza!

He was more than a memory, he was so proud of his 1st paycheck and always claimed that he had no money....even though he always did, that boy could hold on to a quarter, he was so good at saving money and spending everyone else's!

He was more than a memory, I know of all of his goals he set for himself, I know how much he enjoyed his young life.

He was more than a memory, he told me not to worry that he road his friend's motorcycle, even though I beggeg him not to.

He was more than a memory, I watched my baby lay there, critically injured, so helpless after that night of riding that motorcycle.

He was more than a memory, I watched him slip away from me....slowly, despite my pleas for his life to be spared.

I want my son back!

He is more than a memory, I felt his disappointment when I told him that I would NOT sign the permission slip for him to play football in the 7th grade.

Comment by Karen R. on October 19, 2011 at 9:30pm

Hello everyone, I haven't been on in awhile, I'm not doing so hot. Oct 16th made the 2 yr mark for the loss of my son, I still can't believe I'm even writing this! When i was at the cementery that day, I remember sobbing and feeling overwhelmed with anger and I was talkng to myself, I was feeling like "everyone" forgot about my son, that no one remembered that this was the day he was robbed of his life, and I was looking at cars driving by and thinking that no one cared, their lives were going on and then to my surprise, 2 of my son's friends came and joined me, they remembered! They stayed there with me until security told us that we had to leave. it meant so much to me that they came. I visit my son's final resting place very often but it's funny how the 1st anniversary of his passing a yr ago, i didn't go, i wanted no part of that place, I stayed home and hoped that no one would call me to remind me, that just goes to show you how our emotions can change in an instant. I also found out later that there were dozens and dozens of tributes made to my son on face book by many friends and family. I wouldn't have known because my daughter told me that i am the only human NOT on facebook! Acouple of days have passed and I am back to my usual tactics of convincing myself that none of this happened and its all my imagination. This will NEVER be "OK"!

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