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Comment by Ammy on October 29, 2011 at 11:23am

Karen, I'm sorry for you too that you are feeling this way, but it does help me to know it's not just me doing and feeling these things.  Earlier this week I read a Psalm and I copied part of it and was going to post it on here because it somehow gave me comfort to know that this is not anything new.  I guess people have felt this way almost forever.  This is what it said:

I am bowed down and brought very low; all day I go about mourning.  I am exhausted and crushed;  I groan in anguish of heart.  All my longing lies before you, O Lord, my sighing (groaning) is not hidden from you.  My heart pounds, my strength fails me, even the light of my eyes is gone from me.  My loved ones and friends stay away, even my own family stands at a distance.

I couldn't have said it better myself.  It's exactly how I feel.  <3

Comment by Karen R. on October 29, 2011 at 10:17am

Dear Ammy, sometimes I am MIA, I never feel like I have any positive things to say, only that I am always willing to listen. I felt compelled to respond to you because, literally, last night, I said to God, "look, this is ENOUGH, I can't take it anymore, you supposedly have performed miracles before, can you please just make it so that all of this has been my imagination or if not, can you just give me my son back. I am sorry for any wrong I have have done to deserve this, can you please consider my good deeds and my kind heart and reward me with my son, can you please let me open my door and see him standing there so I can give him a hug, this is too much to bare, I'm tired of this! He didn't deserve this, why do we have to experience this kind of pain, why God! Was my good deeds and all my genuine acts of kindness all in vain, I have always given so much of my self to my family and friends and mostly strangers. Nursing has always been my calling and that it why I chose it to be my profession, I have always treated my patients as if they were my loved ones, this is how I am repayed! I don't want to sound selfish God, I am pleading this for ALL of us, not just me! Why can't we live forever and if not, just make it so that parents NEVER have to bury their child!" This is what I pleaded with God last night and of course to my disappointment, I still haven't gotten my son back.

Comment by Ammy on October 29, 2011 at 9:36am

Sorry I have been MIA.  I just haven't been able to get on here to comment.  Seems like I want to post something positive and I can't.  I'm reading the posts and my heart is with you all.  I know how each of you feel.  We all feel the same.  This morning I actually begged God to bring him back.  He is God, He can do anything.  I knew it would never happen, but I had to ask.  Feel like I'm still not mentally stable and wonder if I ever will be again.  We are having snow this morning.  Something that hardly ever happens here in October.  Just one more thing to make me think of what Charles would be saying and doing.  He loved the winter time.  I think that's why he loved Alaska so much.  The cooler weather and the beautiful scenery.  He would have lived in the woods if he could have and even told us that if he died just to put his body in the woods with nature.  I use to tell him that was not legal, but I do have his ashes and sometimes I think that maybe I should set him free, but I can't let him go (my selfishness).  Maybe when I'm gone someone else will do it.  Looks like this turned into more than I had planned.  Only meant to check in and let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.  <3

Comment by Karen R. on October 28, 2011 at 9:10pm

Hey Ann, so sorry about your "extra" hard days soo to come. We all have those. My son passed away Oct 16th, 2 yrs now. It's unbelievable, unconcievable, so unacceptable.....to say the least. Some people will never "get it" .

Comment by Ann Edmondson on October 28, 2011 at 11:15am

Good day to everyone! I pray that you are all doing OK (at least as well as can be expected). This time of year is hard for me. November 20, Claude would have turned 25. Plus there is Veteran's Day to deal with. Then the anniversary of him leaving this world on December 16 and Christmas. I have a hard time this time of year and am so glad I can voice that here. My family has no clue what I am going through! They mean well with their words but......

Thanks for listening guys. I have to go for now before I really loose it.

Comment by Karen R. on October 27, 2011 at 3:00pm

Hello all! I hope that everyone has been able to get through this day thus far and please know that everyone on this site, including all parents who lost their children and may not have any support, my heart is with you guys and you are always in my thoughts. Life is so fragile and it's very easy to take for granted that our children will ALWAYS be safe and that they will bury us.  In a "perfect" world, no one would ever come to know this pain.

Comment by Stephanie on October 27, 2011 at 12:59pm

SUSAN i couldnt believe your post - i  ALSO got a puppy, he's ALSO a cross chiwawa-something, and guess what?  his name is ALSO BUDDY !!!!  xxxx

Comment by Stephanie on October 27, 2011 at 12:57pm

karen also, it helps me to even read your EMOTIONS in your reply to me.  and no, those people did not bury a child.  and you are right, i dont need anyones approval or permission for my feelings.  they are MINE, i own them.  and whether they like it or not, jessy IS my child!!!!!!

Comment by Stephanie on October 27, 2011 at 12:55pm

adrianne, thank you so much for your sharing that with me. your pastor sounds like a good man, a sincere man.  it helps tremendously to know that within the world of parents who have lost a child, i am "NORMAL"! thank you

 

Comment by Karen R. on October 26, 2011 at 7:39pm

Dear Janice, that is some BS!......let her go?!!!!! Your holding on?!!!!!......are they kidding me? That's your child, that is so insensitive, that person must not have had to bury their child. She is your daughter and she always will be, period. You do NOT need anyone's approval or permission for your thoughts or feelings.

Many hugs to you

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