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Comment by Lorraine on January 22, 2012 at 2:21pm

Dick, it sounds like your friend will find a way to be there for you. That is one of the biggest gifts people can give us.  I have had long time friends fall by the wayside and others who have found a way to be there, even if they don't (can't) know how to fix it.

Comment by Dick on January 22, 2012 at 12:47pm

Last night on my way home, I stopped at a good friends house. He knew Danny well. We didn't talk about Danny; but other things. He had a whiskey, I didn't have anything but water. Another point, he was a military man who had seen combat and death.

He started crying when I started to leave, he misses Danny as well. I have never seen him break down ever. It is sad, he touched a lot of people. 

I let him know I will never be who I was 6 months ago. He told me we are best friends and I can depend on him. I let him know it is not him, it is me that has changed. I am not the confident, happy, optimistic person I once was.

Comment by Grace on January 22, 2012 at 10:54am

I think we are all on a journey.... I just was afraid that I would slip into abusing drugs or alchohol because I have been so miserable.... I would be afraid that I would slide off a cliff and would not be able to climb back out.   If you are managing your way through grief .... what ever works... without destruction.   We are in the most emotionallly vulnerable state ever.... I am just cautious to be careful not to fall even deeper into a pit.....    But No Judgement from me.... Just my way of dealing..... which I don't think any of us have "The Answers" ... that is why we need to share with each other here.

 

Comment by Ammy on January 22, 2012 at 10:33am

I don't take a prescribed medication for depression, but I do take an anxiety medication.  I also take something sold over the counter called 5-HTP.  When I first started taking it I thought it was helping, but then I thought that it wasn't so I stopped.  I started to feel worse.  Natural or the 5-HTP?  I don't know, but I bought it again and I do believe it helps, but minimally.  Every one is different and has to find what helps them... if there is anything.

I have had a bad week.  I feel so strange and lost.  Can't concentrate and want to be left alone, and yet I feel so lonely.  ?

Take care. 

Comment by Lorraine on January 21, 2012 at 4:52pm

I agree Stephanie, as I've said before, I do not feel in a position to judge how anyone deals with their grief. Not that I feel judgement here.  I do hope that people know that if they need medication there is nothing wrong with that. If they choose to have a glass of wine before bed, whatever. I really changed my attitude on these things when my son became ill.  Things I used to feel were big deals, really don't mean all that much. I think most people know when they are in trouble with whatever they are using to hep them through; if they are overusing. I am no better off without the ativan; it just wasn't so good for my tremor (from car accident) and I felt that I wanted to see myself with clear eyes in the am. I work out at the gym now, and am getting ready to paint my living room in hopes of brightening my attitude up a bit. The gym has made a difference with physical strength, but in all reality not in my feeling better emotionally. Just like using meds or something else to get through, we know it isn't going to fix things.  My life is changed forever. I am grateful I had Silas in my life, that he is my son; I feel proud to be his mom, and I wouldn't change that for the pain I feel now. I know that we all keep doing whatever we can to get through; my thoughts are with everyone here this weekend.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on January 21, 2012 at 4:50pm

I agree with Stephanie. Each of us has our own history. I'm taking a small dosage of an anti anxiety medication. Trust me, I cry all the time. I'm in pain all the time. Miss my son so much. If I didn't take it I may not be at work right now,have family visit,cook meals,visit my grandkids & so much more. I still wish the Lord would take me too every day but in the end I'm still here. Pain, grief,guilt is horrific. The anxiety and depression frightening.

Comment by Stephanie on January 21, 2012 at 3:51pm

also as we said before, each to their own way. just like its not for one of us to say that letting your other kids see you cry is 'right" or "wrong";  or not being able to sleep is "right' or "wrong" - we are all doing the best we can

Comment by Stephanie on January 21, 2012 at 3:49pm

i think its not that those of us that take meds are trying to avoid the tears, or avoid the pain - and we know full well that if or when we are to stop taking the meds our child will still be gone. rather, maybe those that can do without this help are more fortunate, but each one of us have different backgrounds and circumstances, and certainly different effects and impacts with this kind of loss, and the WAY we had this loss.  some of us are not taking meds to make it "easier" to cope, but ABLE to function. we are not avoiding the pain.  with some of us - certain things have happened to us as a result, and we have so many other responsibilities and demands, there is NO OPTION for us to to just be in bed or cry as much as we like - we HAVE to do certain things, without the help of the meds, we would not be able to do

Comment by Dick on January 21, 2012 at 12:42pm

Yep you are right, when you come off of what ever you ingest; your child is still gone. My point, but Grace you said it so well.

I miss Danny a lot, I may be getting better. I don't feel so stunned any longer and can function at a low level of energy. But, I still have pangs of guilt all the time. Why did I marry, why did I have children? I am OK with being alone, its my fault.

Comment by Grace on January 20, 2012 at 1:28pm

I have had sleep issues too... in the beginning I drank a glass of wine..... helped a little.... My doctor asked if she could "Give Me Something" and I just said it would wear off and he would still be dead..... I also believe it is NORMAL to be crying and have bad days..... Our Tears honor the love we have for our child.... as for my other kids seeing me cry... well I guess they witness how special and important all of my kids are to me and that if it were them they too would be missed and mourned for.

Emotions can hit like a tidal wave..... years after...because I guess it should.... LOVE is a very powerful force.... Yes Grief  is not attractive for any of us and it may be uncomfortable for those around us.... but I guess another view point is that those tears honor the love for our child.... and if we are meant to cry a million tears... all the wine or drugs are not going to make only 999,999.

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