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Comment by Karen R. on January 27, 2012 at 3:23pm

Hey everyone. I too am tormented by the events/moments leading up to the worst day of my life. Sometimes I silently yell at myself to block the images out but it hardly works. Sometimes, someone could be having the nices conversation with me and it's like I don't hear them, I'll be thinking 2 myself, wow, if they only had a clue, the day I loss my son is just playing over and over again in my head. It's like I totally drift away. Sometimes I catch myself tapping my head as if I can tap these thoughts out of my mind. My sadness and my anger makes me feel physically beaten up. It's like I don't get any relief. I almost had a accident today.....again, I thought i saw my son walking on the side walk, all I could do was burst into tears when i realized it wasn't him. This is what my life is like now.......crazy! it's like I am still driving around wanting to find him.

Comment by Kar on January 27, 2012 at 10:44am

Sending love  <3  to all with this most horrendous- loss, pain, agony - - -  there are not words strong enough to describe the loss of a child.  

Comment by Lorraine on January 26, 2012 at 8:13pm

Grace, it IS like that movie Groundhog Day. I never did like that one... the thoughts and scenes go around and around our heads, trying to make sense of something we will never be able to make sense of.  I missed Silas so much today, but then that seems everyday and sometimes I think, "why even talk about it..."  I don't know. It is just so very sad, my blue eyed boy was such a funny one, and I am missing that in my life now.

Comment by Dick on January 26, 2012 at 1:37pm

I am oddly numb today? Numb seems to be better than sad.

Comment by Grace on January 26, 2012 at 1:35pm

Hi Everyone......  My mind seems to wander off so much too.... I regularly find myself Replaying the entire week from the call that my son was having a siezure through the whole ER   and ICU.... and Funeral....  Along with my imagination about organ retrieval..... I wish this Video Tape would Destruct like the ones on the old spy shows.... and the memory bank would be wiped clean  and all my mind would remember are Happy Thoughts.   May 2009 and the movie has been in too manhy reruns... it is like the movie Groundhog Day...   Dick I see visions of people my son's age.... or special needs people... or almost any similarity... I know what you mean... you look at them and imagine it is your or my son... they should be going to school... or work...  .PEACE

Comment by Lisa Adams on January 26, 2012 at 10:46am

My tenuous grasp on my sanity is slipping.  The cocoon of numbness I wrapped myself in is breaking apart.  Why does it seem that the smallest added stress in my life sends me plummeting into this darkness?  It's just a really bad day.  Peace to you all.

Comment by Stephanie on January 25, 2012 at 1:25pm

rosie, i know its so very hard, i wish you only strength to get through the day. i feel same as when you say i know she's around in spirit, but its just not the same. it really just isnt the same. but michele, i love what u said about the wonderful dreams we have, that they really do bring comfort, even if only for just a short while :) ...  i have the pigeons, all the time. they visit me a lot.

i had a stronger day today, i pray for more such days....

lots and lots of love, Steph xxxxx

Comment by Dick on January 25, 2012 at 1:09pm

Setting in a meeting looking around at 20 & 30 Y.O.s, I got a tear in my eye; missing Danny.

Comment by Michele Dybdall on January 25, 2012 at 10:01am

Yesterday was the 3rd year mark of our son's death.  Several close friends & family called or emailed me to let me know they were thinking of me (I so appreciate people not forgetting), and so I made it through the day. Today I feel even more emotional than yesterday.  Even after three years, my mind still goes back to the time line of events of that day and the days that followed.  I try to tell myself not to go there, but it's hard not to.  His birthday was the 2nd of Jan. and he would have been 25.  I miss everything about him and I really miss being able to 'mother' him.  I always enjoyed him coming over for a meal or taking him a surprise treat to where he worked.  I had a dream which seems so long ago now, but in it he was alive and he came and gave me such a huge hug.  When I woke up, I could still feel the hug.  Oh how I wish I could have one of those dreams again soon.  It brings comfort, even if for only a short while.    

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on January 25, 2012 at 7:29am

Lorraine, I like that.... the hawk being a messenger from the spirit.  Karen, I hawks are around but not as common to see as robins, cardinals, sparrows and such.  They are beautiful when they do appear.  They are large and just so majestic.

Robin, yes... when it gets closer to the 3rd of each month, my sorrow deepens. 

Hugs to you all here on this site.  Namaste, my friends.

 

 

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