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For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.
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I'm so embarrassed! I was sitting in my office at work, trying to concentrate and I guess I had slipped into a flashback. One of my co-workers came into my office (my back was to the door) and I didn't hear her. When I turned around I saw her out of the corner of my eye and I screamed because I all I saw was a black figure! My scream scared everyone in the office. and my co-worker got mad at me because SHE scared me! Now everyone is out in the hall whispering, I can only assume about their crazy co-worker! It would be so nice if other people could just half way understand the daily struggles that we go through just to FUNCTION somewhat normally!!
i keep dreaming it was a big mistake everyone was wrong, and she's still alive, and then i wake up, and my stomach knots up into lead as i realise, "oh god" it was just a dream. what to do what to do!
I know Dick, too many of those days, days we wish we never knew. How will any of this ever be "ok"? Sending hugs.
Just want to say thanks to all for all of your never ending support.
Ammy, thanks for sharing your post about guilt. I do think my guilt is unhealthy after reading it. The problem is I don't believe I will ever not feel guilty. My son's last spoken words to me stab me repeatedly. I try to convince myself that he didn't mean it because he couldn't have known what was going to happen to him but it's so hard because of the event that made it come to pass. I stress over the thoughts he must have had in the days it took for him to pass away before he slipped into a coma. I keep imagining that he was so afraid and so angry that this was happening to him. It's so hard for me to talk about this with others. Thanks!!!
Dick, what you are feeling is natural. Please hang in there. Your loss is still quite new and it's an uphill journey, but you can get through it. I'm so sorry you are feeling this rawness. We have all been there and still go there, but there are days that are not quite as bad. At least I am getting some of those days. It doesn't go away, it just gets a little easier on those days, but we have to hope it will not always be so raw.
Christina, I'm sorry you are fighting the guilt demon. I'm glad the article was a help for you and I hope you will improve. We have enough to deal with without adding guilt to our grief.
Blessings to everyone.
Danny, you have no idea how much I miss you. :(
Forgive me Danny.
http://www.onlinegriefsupport.com/video/daniel-my-son-you-will-alwa...
Speaking of guilt....Maybe this will be of some help to someone.
This is from bereaved parents:
GUILT
Someone has said if you can separate your grief from your guilt, you cut your grief in half. There is much truth in that statement. Being human, none of us is totally free from regret over something large or small that was in some way connected with a child who died.
The brain, being the devious thing that it can be at times, seems determined to punish the parents by recalling even the smallest thing that makes them regret not having been more patient or less patient, more demanding or less demanding, more firm or less firm, more loving or less loving, more sensitive, more capable, in other words, more perfect.
Feelings of guilt are thought by some to be an attempt to make some sense of the senselessness of a child’s death, or an answer to the unanswerable WHY. Parenting instincts tell the parents that they are responsible for whatever happens to their child, good or bad.
There are two kinds of guilt: Healthy Guilt, which acts as an alarm clock when we sense our behavior is inappropriate, and Excessive Guilt, which is unhealthy. It is not rational, logical or reasonable. Some parents hang onto their guilt (and anger) because to do so postpones the acceptance of their child’s death.
Professionals who counsel grieving people find it very helpful for parents to talk about their guilt. By verbalizing, they are able to hear the craziness of excessive guilt and recognize it for what it is. No
amount of guilt ever changed anything. Excessive guilt is a wasted emotion. It drains the parents as they dwell on it, and takes away opportunities to change and learn. Guilt is useful when planning ahead, pointless when looking back
Please try not to be so hard on yourselves. I know it's easy to say and I've been there and done that, but I am getting better with it as I know it wouldn't have changed anything. This is what was going to be no matter what I said or how I acted. Family arguments or disagreements are a normal part of life. The love is what holds the family together and no bickering or scolding is going to stop the love.
Blessings, peace, love, & comfort, my friends.
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