Comment

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on January 29, 2012 at 11:09pm

I need some peace. Not knowing hurts too much.

Comment by Karen R. on January 29, 2012 at 9:03pm

I know Dick, too many of those days, days we wish we never knew. How will any of this ever be "ok"? Sending hugs.

Comment by Karen R. on January 29, 2012 at 8:52pm

Just want to say thanks to all for all of your never ending support.

Comment by Karen R. on January 29, 2012 at 8:51pm

Ammy, thanks for sharing your post about guilt. I do think my guilt is unhealthy after reading it. The problem is I don't believe I will ever not feel guilty. My son's last spoken words to me stab me repeatedly. I try to convince myself that he didn't mean it because he couldn't have known what was going to happen to him but it's so hard because of the event that made it come to pass. I stress over the thoughts he must have had in the days it took for him to pass away before he slipped into a coma. I keep imagining that he was so afraid and so angry that this was happening to him. It's so hard for me to talk about this with others. Thanks!!!

Comment by Ammy on January 29, 2012 at 8:00pm

Dick, what you are feeling is natural.  Please hang in there.  Your loss is still quite new and it's an uphill journey, but you can get through it.  I'm so sorry you are feeling this rawness.  We have all been there and still go there, but there are days that are not quite as bad.  At least I am getting some of those days.  It doesn't go away, it just gets a little easier on those days, but we have to hope it will not always be so raw.   

Christina, I'm sorry you are fighting the guilt demon.  I'm glad the article was a help for you and I hope you will improve.  We have enough to deal with without adding guilt to our grief.

Blessings to everyone.  

Comment by Dick on January 29, 2012 at 7:17pm

Danny, you have no idea how much I miss you. :(

Comment by Dick on January 29, 2012 at 7:16pm

Forgive me Danny.

http://www.onlinegriefsupport.com/video/daniel-my-son-you-will-alwa...

Comment by Ammy on January 29, 2012 at 5:26pm

Speaking of guilt....Maybe this will be of some help to someone.

This is from bereaved parents:

GUILT
   Someone has said if you can separate your grief from your guilt, you cut your grief in half. There is much truth in that statement. Being human, none of us is totally free from regret over something large or small that was in some way connected with a child who died.  
   The brain, being the devious thing that it can be at times, seems determined to punish the parents by recalling even the smallest thing that makes them regret not having been more patient or less patient, more demanding or less demanding, more firm or less firm, more loving or less loving, more sensitive, more capable, in other words, more perfect.  
   Feelings of guilt are thought by some to be an attempt to make some sense of the senselessness of a child’s death, or an answer to the unanswerable WHY. Parenting instincts tell the parents that they are responsible for whatever happens to their child, good or bad.  
   There are two kinds of guilt: Healthy Guilt, which acts as an alarm clock when we sense our behavior is inappropriate, and Excessive Guilt, which is unhealthy. It is not rational, logical or reasonable. Some parents hang onto their guilt (and anger) because to do so postpones the acceptance of their child’s death.  
   Professionals who counsel grieving people find it very helpful for parents to talk about their guilt. By verbalizing, they are able to hear the craziness of excessive guilt and recognize it for what it is. No
amount of guilt ever changed anything. Excessive guilt is a wasted emotion. It drains the parents as they dwell on it, and takes away opportunities to change and learn. Guilt is useful when planning ahead, pointless when looking back

Please try not to be so hard on yourselves.  I know it's easy to say and I've been there and done that, but I am getting better with it as I know it wouldn't have changed anything.  This is what was going to be no matter what I said or how I acted.  Family arguments or disagreements are a normal part of life.  The love is what holds the family together and no bickering or scolding is going to stop the love.

Blessings, peace, love, & comfort, my friends.

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on January 29, 2012 at 4:54pm

Karen R, that was very brave to share your guilt with us.  It also lets us know, that we're all in this together and we feel safe here to talk about things.  I have my own set of guilt that always leads to the 'What Ifs' merry-go-round.  One day when things were really bad, I was alone in my house.  If anyone would have heard me, I may have been placed in the Looney-Bin.   Anyway, I started to talk to my Sam with the knowing that his spirit was present.  I spoke out loud as if he was there.  I asked Sam to please forgive some of the things I did and said to him.  I explained my reasons, and that I did many of things I did because I was trying to protect him from himself.  He was a drug addict.  Then I spoke to him, out loud again, and this time I told him I forgave him.  I forgave the things he did, the things he said to me and the suffering I was going through due to his drug use and that it caused his death.

It helped me that day... doing that.... talking to him.  Some days, when it gets too bad again.... I do it again .. in my house, in my car, where I have the privacy of being alone.  I hope this may help some of you.  It really works.  My grief doesn't go away... it will never go away.. but the guilt is lightened and somedays... there is no guilt.... just the sad fact that he is gone.   Namaste, my friends. 

Comment by Robin Jone on January 29, 2012 at 4:50pm

Karen R., I am so very sorry you are dealing with all that. Not only do you have to deal with the loss of your son but to deal with guilt on top of that. We have all said and done things that we regret at some time or another. As much as I loved my son, Zach, he did sometimes make me very angry and do things that were reckless. He could be very stubborn and pigheaded and did not like to admit when things might have been his fault. I wish there was something I could do or say to help you. I pray that you will be able to forgive your self. Just think about it, you would say that to any of us if the same had happened, so you should also be able to forgive yourself. Big hugs and prayers. Robin

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 650
• 651
• 652
• 653
• 654
• …
• 757
• Next ›
• Page