Comment

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on May 26, 2012 at 12:38am

It's getting worse. Have others felt the same? I'm losing the will to continue.

Comment by Karen R. on May 25, 2012 at 9:50pm

Thanks Lynne, thanks for your well wishes, I wish the same for all of us on and off this site.

Comment by lynne thompson on May 25, 2012 at 9:45am

   This is the hardest thing to go through , and I just live moment to moment........and to hear about a childs' death is so hard.  I have one child left.......and you be honest I am a wreck everytime I cannot reach him.  I have to stop this, for I know I will loose him........and yes, I am in counciling .......ugh, for I feel unless you loose a child , how can college teach you anything of the pain of this.   But I am so desperate , right now for relief I do go anyway.  I much better perfer compassionate friends, but I will do what I hope will help me even if it is so little .  Everyone here , I think of you all, and honestly I want peace so much for all of you as well as myself..........(((hugs)))

Comment by Grace on May 25, 2012 at 8:05am

Just want to say I am here and reading your thoughts.... ((((HUGS)))))

Comment by Robin Jone on May 24, 2012 at 11:03pm

Ashley, I am so sorry for your loss. A few months before my 23 year old son died in a terrible accident, my neighbor's 20 year old son died in a car accident. I remember going over and talking to her and telling her how sorry I was and could not even imagine the pain she was going through,, little did I know just a few months later I would be experiencing the same pain. I have lost many loved ones in my life, but none as painful as losing my son. Grief for me seems to be a roller coaster, one day I might be okay, the next I am back to that heart wrenching pain. I just have to take it one moment at a time, I can't think about what tomorrow will bring. I have gone to three weddings since my son died, it has been almost nine months, and every single one I have cried and felt the pain that Karen was describing. Trying so hard to hide the tears, but not being successful. Billie, I am so sorry, I my heart hurts for you. I hurt for all of us that have to go through this unbearable loss. I pray that we find some peace. Hugs. Robin

Comment by lynne thompson on May 24, 2012 at 5:33pm

Hi Ashley, and welcome.....I am so sorry for your loss , please stay with us for I really believe that all of us help one another, by remberances and just sharing our feelings....please take care Ashley

Comment by Karen R. on May 24, 2012 at 10:59am

Hello Ashley and welcome. So sorry for your loss. Please be encouraged to share your feelings here, someone will always be willing to listen.  Many hugs to you.

Comment by Karen R. on May 24, 2012 at 10:51am

Oh Billie, I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. My son was only 21 yrs old and once at a young friend's wedding, I completely lost it when her new husband danced with his mom. I became overwhelmed with sadness as it reminded me that I would never dance with my son his wedding. Everyone else was so happy and taking pictures but my heart was crumbling.....well, what's left of it. Many people thought that my tears were happy tears but they weren't. I had to remove myself from the dance floor and sit at my table, I was the only one sitting and of course sobbing, I didn't want the happy bride to see me. Another friend noticed me at the table and came to my aid, she knew right away what my tears were about. She took me to the bathroom and convinced me not to leave. I got it together and went to join the guests but the whole time I was watching everyone like I was watching a movie in slow motion, all I could think was wow, how can all of these people be so happy, how can they laugh,  how can they dance......don't they know my son is gone?!!! How is the world going on without my son!!! It sounds irrational but that was how I was feeling.

Comment by Karen R. on May 24, 2012 at 10:28am

Michelle and Lynne and everyone, you are so right about our other children needing the love and attention that they deserve but it can be so hard sometimes to pass the pain we are in. Sometimes I don't feel like being a mommy, I just want to curl up into a ball and not be bothered. I do feel bad that some of my children have expressed that they feel like I don't care about them but that is so untrue, I am just still grieving. My older daughter thinks that I am choosing to be like this. That made me so angry and hurt at the same time, she is clueless, who the hell in their right mind would choose this?!!!! She just doesnt get it. I hope she will be spared of this type of pain with her own children. I do try harder and I wait until I am alone, especially in my car, to let my inward grief out. I know that it hurts my children to see me in so much pain.

Comment by Karen R. on May 24, 2012 at 10:16am

Hey Jessica, I have been down in that low place that you are feeling, that horrible feeling of such despair, that feeling of "fu@k !!!!" but somehow, I get through the days by remembering how much i don't want to cause my children any more pain by ending my own life. Trust me, I've been there, with the pills in my hand.....prescription Ambien(sleeping pills) and Xanax, giving to me from my doctor to take the days prior to my son's funeral. If you scroll through, you will see one of my postings explaining what stopped me from taking both bottles. I still don't sugar coat my grief and pain when others ask me the "how are you doing question" but I have softened it with a "I could be better" response. Depending on my mood, I would answer " I broken and I am fu@ked up right now! One thing for sure is I will NEVER be "OK".

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