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Comment by Sophia on November 20, 2012 at 12:52pm

I made it through the first year anniversary of Jimmy's death, 11/13, I tried not to put too much thought into it beforehand. I was ok the day before - despite all the other drama going on, with having to pack to move - but the morning of I woke up and immediately started crying. I had an appointment and as i said was packing to move so I was busy, none the less I was extremely sad the entire day. I went to my ex-husbands and visited with him as well as my son Shane. We spoke of Jimmy and some of the good & bad times. He is so missed by all of us. I was comforted by a few cards I recieved from friends/family as well as postings on Facebook recognizing his life and our (everyones) loss. His friends loved & miss him, to know he was loved and is missed gives me a certain amount of comfort. There are still moments when I almost forget he's gone - I ache for him & continue to wish this was just a bad dream at times. But the reality is he's moved on and I'm beginning to accept he is in a good place, although I will never accept that he is in a 'better place'. I believe every 22 year old should be alive and just beginning their lives, but unfortunately not Jimmy and not many of our children.

With the holidays coming I've been taking it as it comes. I luckily found a new apartment, at the last moment (just before Thanksgiving & then Christmas). My hurt & anger toward my friend has intensified. How she could be so angry at me at all, let alone at this time, is beyond me. She ironically gave me a condolences card on the anniversary of Jimmy's death which i think was more for her conscience than anything else. I am very sad bordering on depressed and I need to find a job ASAP. I'll be going out of state to be with family Thanksgiving. Christmas is up in the air, it seems better to just take it as it comes. If I make plans & then as the day approached feel uncomfortable with those plans this only creates more tension.

My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

Comment by Michele Hayes on November 20, 2012 at 7:04am

Michelle W- one thing I learned from going to my support group is that when you lose a child, an added step in the grieving process is guilt. Because you feel responsible for the well being of your child. I think I have been able to let go of a lot of my guilt, but I don't think I will ever let go of all of it.

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on November 20, 2012 at 6:13am

So very true Grace!  Peace and hugs to all of us with the holidays approaching.

 

Comment by Grace on November 20, 2012 at 5:39am

We all have the "Would have, Could Have, Should Haves"..... no body can beat us up more as a parent than ourselves....... And more than 3 1/2 years I still have them and the movie in my brain..... in sleep as i drive.... it does get better and we learn how to put our happy masks on and get through the holidays and Birthdays....... The more you reherse..... be better the performance.....  it is our new way to navigate around those that have not had our experience.

Comment by Michelle W on November 19, 2012 at 9:56pm

Ok on Saturday it will be a year ....., do the new thought ... Was I a bad parent to let my child go the the football game with his friend???? It was an hour and a half from the house and it was a playoff game .,,, oh and he had tremendous school spirit as a senior he played football with the boys on the team his freshman year.., would you let him go??was this my fault??? I miss him so much.,, I'm just having such a hard time I'm so confused ..,the holidays what shall I do I know my daughter deserves a birthday and thanksgiving but it all happens this week. ..,,frustrating I miss my Billy

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on November 19, 2012 at 5:28pm

My son loved wolves.  Last year I bought a wolf ornament to place on the tree in his memory.  This year I hope to find a different wolf ornament to add.

Comment by Michele Hayes on November 19, 2012 at 9:39am

I love holidays. This year we have a bigger house so I am doing a tree in her honor. Also, last year instead of gifts for her, we bought gifts for a family in her name. I think I will be okay as long as I keep myself busy. This time last year, her death was very fresh so it was a lot more difficult. Does anyone else have any holiday traditions for their son/daughter.

Comment by Crystal M. Czar on November 19, 2012 at 7:50am

Since my son died in 2005 i had stopped celebrating any holiday.  But this year at thanksgiving all my other kids will be coming over for dinner.  I had always enjoyed cooking for the children, so i am trying to put my brave self forward and try to enjoy seeing everyone.  how i will miss my son he always appreciated my cooking so.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on November 19, 2012 at 1:06am

How old would he have been Dick?

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on November 19, 2012 at 1:04am

Don would be calling constantly now. Asking what time thanksgiving dinner would be. Would I pick him up the night before so he could help me. He went to Costco with me, he unloaded the jeep, put away the food, helped with cleaning, setting up, tearing down, cleaning. I am lost without you son. Did I ever really tell you how much I appreciated your never ending help? I can't do this anymore.

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