Comment

Comment by Sophia on December 17, 2012 at 4:46pm

Michele, I too felt a degree of comfort that my son died painlessly. It must make it all the more painful for the parents in CT. to deal with the fact these sweet, young & completely innocent children felt such pain. It is just so horrifying to just think about it! I just hope & pray we evolve as a society & address both issues of banning assault weapons (not hand guns) as well as resources & acceptance/awareness of mental illness.

Comment by Michele Hayes on December 17, 2012 at 3:31pm

Sophiall.- I agree about the mentally ill. I know that anyone who can do this is mentally ill. Any normal human could never do something like this. And while he is probably the most hated man in America, I can guarantee he was not a happy man. Another thing- I am grateful that my daughter died in her sleep compared to a tragedy like this. I can't imagine knowing that someone intentionally hurt her. I think you have to always forgive, but that does not mean its easy. As we all know, these parents have such a long road ahead of them.  And Sopia- you are so right about it being against the laws of nature to have a child that dies before you. I've been trying to wrap my head around this concept ever since Ivy died. It's just not right.

Comment by Sophia on December 17, 2012 at 2:39pm

I actually wanted to comment about the tragedy in CT. & after reading recent posts was sidetracked & felt I had to comment (see previous). When I first heard, from my 11yr old about the Angels in CT, she & I cried, then I offered whatever rational comfort I could to ease her fear of this possibly happening at her school. And I felt all the pain of these parents. I literally felt the death of these children, & adults, as I felt the death of my own son. I believe in the right to bare arms but not assault weapons - there is no need for anyone outside of the armed forces to own these. I also know first hand the difficulty to get help for mentally ill children & adults. Not to mention the stigma associated with mental illness. We (society) must focus on helping & healing mental illness. Our jails are filled with mentally ill who are not receiving the help they need. I won't go on & on about my opinions, I just pray we focus not just on the assault weapons issue & focus on de-stigmatizing & finding a way to help people with mental illness. There are not enough resources currently, even with insurance companies, not enough help or understanding exists. We need to change this.

Comment by Sophia on December 17, 2012 at 2:01pm

Hello. After reading Marianne's comments about her husband saying "get over it", I have to comment: that degree of lack of empathy is closer to cruelty in my opinion. I lost my son suddenly 11/13/11 & many days it feels like just yesterday. I know most people who haven't lost a child themselves cannot truly empathize with our feelings of loss & grief. I too have been hurt by people's lack of empathy but if anyone ever said "get over it" I think I would 'snap', just completely lose all feeling &/or respect for that person. Although I realize I am not providing you with words of encouragement by writing this. I will tell you this; you deserve the right to mourn the death of your child, please know you have every right to cry if you feel, to be angry if you feel, to vent your feelings if you feel. I am so sorry for all of us who have lost a child. It is against the laws of nature for a child to die before a parent. It is only natural for us to grieve & need support from our loved ones or strangers like here who share this same aweful emptiness & sadness beyond what words can express! Please know this Marianne, I have gotten a lot of support from the other parents on this website. In fact at times I've gotten more support here than from my family or friends. Please know I'm here, we're all here for the support we need - you're not alone.
Sophia

Comment by Marianne McCue on December 16, 2012 at 8:52am

Happy birthday to my beautiful son.

Comment by Angel on December 16, 2012 at 7:46am

Marianne....I am so sorry for your loss and for your husband's coldness...I understand as I went through the same thing..except I was told one week later that he was tired of hearing it and "Oh what this again".....he also was not her father...we were only married 2 -3 years...I don't even remember...and I left him for a year...to grieve my daughter...who knew it would take me ten years to be somewhat normal...it's now 15 years and somedays it's as if it was yesterdy...my husband died from an extremely painful cancer 2 years ago on my deceased daughter's birthday and was calling her name for 2 days before he passed and reaching his arm out...I know she came for him...and forgave him...so I had to...not that this helps ..but I wanted to make sure you knew in all aspects you are never alone here....

 

Adrianne......Amen...I can't even watch it anymore....so sad..so horrible.......

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on December 16, 2012 at 3:58am

Thinking of the parents who lost their children yesterday. Sad that we know the heartache.

Comment by Dennis C. on December 14, 2012 at 6:29am

Marianne,

It is certainly ok to feel great pain.

John 11:35,38 — Jesus gave way to tears. [...] 38 Hence Jesus, after groaning again within himself, came to the memorial tomb. It was, in fact, a cave, and a stone was lying against it.

If the Christ can cry and groan at the death of someone, so can we.

There is also comfort to be had as well. That we can also get from looking to Jesus example and how he coped with affliction. Comfort won't take the pain away, but it will strengthen us.

Comment by Michele Hayes on December 13, 2012 at 6:33pm

Marianne- I'm so sorry for your loss and the lack of empathy from your husband. You are welcome to vent here anytime you need. It's only been a month for you- for me it has been a year and two months. I remember that horrible time. Do your best to take care of yourself.

Comment by Karen R. on December 13, 2012 at 5:42pm

Dear Marianne, I am so, so sorry for your tremendous loss. I know your pain all too well, for I am still suffering from the loss of my 21 yr old son. This is a INvoluntary club membership. There are no comforting words to offer. The only thing I can tell you is we all "get it" here....unfortunately. My pain has not eased but I don't where I would be without this site and I am sure there are others like this. Its so important to have your feelings validated and judged or criticized.  Please read through some of the postings. In a perfect world, we would never come to know this pain.  Many hugs to you.

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