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Comment by Marti Shaffer on January 11, 2013 at 8:58pm

Two years ago today was my last conversation with my son, Matthew, i talked with him till i  life fell asleep and after a night full of nightmares...i got the call that he had been shot and was killed.. never in my life would i believe my worst nightmare to come true but it did....still hurts like hell.

Comment by Karen R. on January 10, 2013 at 8:41pm

Hey DH, so sorry that you have joined this group but all we can do is support each other and listen. It helps so much not to have your emotions and thoughts judged. Our children will always be our babies and we will always be their mom, they had a life, it was not our imagination. Many hugs to you.

Comment by DH on January 10, 2013 at 6:54pm

Karen wrote, "I feel like my son will feel like I am forgetting him." I think the same thing. I'm not ready to forget my son either or just "move on." He died 4 weeks ago but I never want his spirit to be forgotten. Peace & Love

Comment by DH on January 10, 2013 at 6:51pm

Sophia wrote, "I'm scared of life - I don't know how to move forward." I agree. My son passed away 4 weeks ago and some people around me have this idea that I'm just suppose to pick up and push onward like a stoic mom unmoved by the grief of his death. My son was my life. I haven't done anything for the past 18 years without my baby in mind. I'm sure time will make things better for us... its just not better right now. Peace & Love

Comment by Michele Hayes on January 8, 2013 at 11:51am

Susan- I can't imagine going through losing two children. Don't listen to people who tell you to get over it. A part of you is gone- and you will never get it back in this life. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. I also went on meds and I think they probably saved my life.

Comment by susan joanette wilson on January 8, 2013 at 10:32am

Sophia I share your feelings. I have lost two sons. People can be really cruel. I have heard the same thing. I am at the point I stuff it. I have.been accused of being selfish and self centered.  I miss my sons so much. I am taking a lot of medicine to help me cope with it. Been accused of being bipolar too. I enjoy my time with my grandchildren.  I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on January 8, 2013 at 1:13am

I can relate also. So sad. So hard.

Comment by Karen R. on January 7, 2013 at 9:30pm

Oh Sophia, I can relate to all that you have said. Especially, not wanting to drag people into my depression and gloom. I am sad for everyone walking in our shoes.

Comment by Sophia on January 7, 2013 at 2:57am

It is unbelievable to me how insensitive people are toward those of us who've lost a child/children. I feel as if some people actually believe I 'use' my sons death as an 'excuse' for feeling sorry for myself. As if we (I) am thinking of ways to exploit my child's death - it makes me so sad & angry! Some people are so calus & self righteous. I'm filled with sadness & remorse, I'm scared of life - I don't know how to move forward, certainly I'll never move on. How could I? I'm always thinking of how to keep Jimmy's memory alive without upsetting my two living children's lives. I want to socialize but I don't know how to without feeling I'm dragging people into my depressing, sad reality. My only joy comes from my living children & as I wrote before, my son is going through a difficult time. He's very moody & gets so angry at the drop of a hat. My 12yr old daughter needs me to be strong, Lord knows what a tricky age she is. I'm overwhelmed with all of this - adding my financial woes to it all, it seems like everything is just about to fall in all around me and I'll get smothered & crushed from the weight of it all.
So I pray & do whatever I can to stay strong & find work. This too shall pass but I'll forever feel just as I do now as far as my Jimmy dying before me. Why? Why did he have to leave us? He & I were so close. He was their big brother & what a caring big brother he was. It's so miserably sad! Will I ever see him again? Dear sweet Jimmy....I love & miss you so!
Thanks, once again, for this site. A place to write out my feelings to those who truly understand. I'm so, so sad for all of you too.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on January 7, 2013 at 1:51am

Grace
Thank you for sharing.

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