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Comment by Grace on March 24, 2013 at 7:12am

I think of that newer country song that sings ...."in my heart you will always be 18... and dancing  away with my heart"  Only for me it is 14.

Niles also had Autism and was cognitively impaired .... so even his 14 was younger than others 14......

 

Comment by Michelle W on March 24, 2013 at 1:55am

Grace,
I agree with you completely... The last dinner we ate together before the accident was Thanksgiving and it also was my daughters eighteen birthday and all night my son kept saying you can have tonight(to my daughter) but after this everyday is about me it's going to be my golden birthday he would have been eighteen on the eighteenth of December .. And he died two days later so he will alway be my beautiful seventeen year old never making it to his big golden birthday ...,I sure do miss him ... Just another bad day... Sorry... I hope you are doing well.,its so hard I just want him back

Comment by Grace on March 23, 2013 at 8:29am

Last night I dreamed I was holding his hand.... as a small child... then as I started to awake...my hand was empty.....  Holidays ,  anniversaies, and birthdays are always hard.... like I said.... In my mind he will always be 14 and the same as he was when he died..... even now when I see his classmates who have grown.... it amazes me when I see that they have grown.... and time stands still for me sometimes.

Comment by Karen R. on March 23, 2013 at 8:18am

Hi Shirlee, happy birthday to your son, I know how hard birthdays are.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on March 23, 2013 at 12:28am

I'm so sorry Shirlee. Everyday is hard. Birthdays are especially difficult.

Comment by Shirlee Smith on March 22, 2013 at 10:28pm

Well it has now been five months since our baby Joe was killed in the auto accident and tomorrow 3/23 is his 28th birthday. This week has been really hard because he is not here to aggervate me about what I am getting him for his birthday. I miss him more everday that passes. I still do not know why this had to happen and I never will. The only thing I have to look forward too is getting old and maybe just maybe I will go senile so I will not remember anything and this pain I have in my heart will hurt less or I will forget why it hurts so badly. 

Comment by Shelley on March 21, 2013 at 10:38pm

Hi Karen, Thank you... I needed to hear what you said. This is so hard and the people that said they would always be there aren't. I am also very sorry about your son. It's so unfair and I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I see kids his age and I think why mine? why can't mine still be here? (((hugs))) to you too.

Comment by Karen R. on March 21, 2013 at 9:28pm

Hi Shelley, I understand! So sorry. I want my son back right NOW!!! My 21 yr old son passe away in October 2009....still hate to count the days, weeks, months and now the years....seems unreal. I know how you feel when it seems like people are forgetting your child. Just hold onto that your son is so much more than a mere memory....he is STILL your son and you will be always be his mom. I wish I could have traded places with my son also. Sending you hugs.

Comment by Shelley on March 21, 2013 at 7:46pm

Tomorrow will be 2 months since my son died, he was 23. I never knew I could miss someone so much. And it seems like people...co-workers,friends and even relatives don't even mention him any more. My heart hurts so much. All I want is him back. It seemes like no one understands that this is the worst pain in the world. It's not the way the world is soppose to work. I was soppose to go before him and I so wish I could trade places with him. His memory consumes my every thought, I miss him so much.

Comment by Grace on March 21, 2013 at 5:06pm

Hi... it was May 2009 when I lost Niles.... April 17 he would be 18.... instead he will always be 14.  It does get softer but you will always flash back to the life with him then think about life now....how do we survive?

Just breathe in then out... repeat..... and cry.... I still cry....

As a mother we give birth and this Life has come from our body...now now our heart will always have a hole that will never be filled .... but maybe a scab....  PEACE

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