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Comment by Karen R. on April 17, 2013 at 10:53pm

Sending hugs and my love to all.

Comment by Karen R. on April 17, 2013 at 10:50pm

Hello Natalie, I am so sorry for the loss of your child and for what your poor son must be going through. This is awful! I also, unfortunately know someone that had a similar experience. Her baby was being watched by her mom...the baby's grandmother. She kept her grand baby overnight and placed the baby in the bed with her, she rolled over and suffocated her grand baby. She also found it in her heart to forgive her mom. Is your son getting some type of intervention, do you know if he shares his thoughts or feelings with anyone? This is so tragic, I could only imagine the dark place he must be in. I definitely know the pain that you are in from losing your child as well. I am just about at a lost for words, so sorry, wish I could give you and your son a hug but most of all, I wish we all lived in a perfect world where none of these tragedies happened and a world where NO parent would ever come to know this type of pain.  Sending you 'cyber' hugs.

Comment by Ann Edmondson on April 17, 2013 at 9:47pm

Grace~ don't try to hold in your emotions. In the words of a dear friend of mine "it will drive you batty". We all grieve at different levels and for different lengths of time. Your child is forever 14 in your thoughts. Have you thought about celebrating his birthday by "adopting" a needy child in his name? NOT that the adoptive child will in any way replace your son PLEASE do not think this. I am just giving food for thought on ways to help and this was one that helped me. Each year for my son's birthday I buy a gift and take it to our local family shelter. There they find a child who needs the gift and it is given in the name of my son as an Angel Gift.

A thought for you marriage ~ have you and your husband "really" talked about the death of your son to each other? How my husband and I managed was to write down our feeling about ourselves regarding the death of our child. In other words, I wrote how I felt on paper and he did the same. We then sealed them in an envelope and mailed them to each other. We could not open them except in private. What I found out was my husband was blaming himself for not being more of a husband and father. This exchange gave us a chance for our marriage to survive. We have continued this little ritual on the anniversary of our son's death to state how we feel each year that he has been gone.

While these are no way cures, they might help. Our prayers are with you and your family.

Comment by Grace on April 17, 2013 at 6:30pm

Thank You Ammy.... It has been so difficult... my marriage has been like a big sinkhole.... I feel like there is no solid ground anywhere around me.... I cryed today...big snotty crying.... I miss that kid so much.  He will always be 14 and never turn 18 like he should have today.  

With Sandy Nook and the Boston Child death..... and some local special ed person and I also gave Random Act Of Kindness to a family who has a child in the hospital... I looked at his picture in the hospital bed in a diaper...like my Niles was and I just have flashbacks.....

I find myself yelling at myself to stop thinking....   want to shut my brain off... I sing a song to myself and try to put on a Happy Face while Pushing all of this emotion and stuffing it away inside....

don't think... stop thinking..... sing a song... think happy thoughts....

Yet I feel like the sinkhole is swallowing me....  and my husband has not provided any ancore...   My marriage is dying and I have all of this need and I am soooo Empty.

Comment by Ammy on April 17, 2013 at 3:18pm

Grace, I can't be there with you today, but you are in my thoughts and prayers as you remember Niles on his birthday.  I pray that you have some kind and gentle memories.  ❤

Comment by Ammy on April 17, 2013 at 3:15pm

Natalie & Teresa, I'm sorry for your loss and sorry you've had to join this group.  If life was perfect none of us would be here, but it isn't and some have bigger crosses to bear than others.  Why?  I don't have the answer to that one yet, but I have learned that most of us somehow do go on.  We don't forget, we don't stop hurting, and we always miss our child.  I hope you find strength and peace.

As always ... this group is in my prayers.  ❤

Comment by Ann Edmondson on April 17, 2013 at 1:45pm

Grace ~ special hugs for you today! Happy Birthday to Niles who should have turned 18.

Comment by Grace on April 16, 2013 at 7:28pm

Tomorrow  April 17... Niles would be turning 18.... but is forever 14.... I wonder if anyone else will notice..... yet i have been thinking about him for forever....

I can truely relate Teresa....

Comment by Teresa D. on April 16, 2013 at 5:23pm

My son, Michael never went unnoticed.  I miss him so bad it makes me sick.  They say I'm strong and then proceed to tell me what they would be doing if it was them.  They say they can only imagine the pain I feel, while I think "no you can't". They remind me I have a daughter who needs me, like I don't know that.  They try to distract me when I speak of him, which only makes me feel as though they are trying to forget him.  When asked how I'm doing, I say I won't lie I'm hurting.  They say he wouldn't want me to hurt. Are you kidding me.  All of us know the list goes on and that each of us feel as though no one understands.  We are, or at least I know I am, enduring the greatest loss anyone can experience.  I miss him more today then yesterday.

Comment by Natalie Crews on April 16, 2013 at 1:29pm

 My name is Natalie ... im 24 yrs old and I had my beautiful son on Feb. 13, 2013. It was the live changing moment ive been longing for my whole life. He was my everything... so small, so precious. On march 30,2013 he got his wings to be with all of the other angels in heaven. Its very difficult for me to understand.. but I have to remember and tell myself ive gotta keep moving forward. I have 3 stepsons ( my fiancé is much older than myself). My 15 yr old son was laying down with his brother and ended up falling asleep and rolling ontop of him. It was a tragic accident that I know he didn't mean to do. My strength comes from keeping it together for him. His 15 yrs old and has the weight of the world on his shoulders. hes an outstanding athlete and my only concern now is that this will lead him to a dark place. I have faith that me and my family can make it through this one day at a time as long as we stick together and be there for one another. now it just seems like a dream that I had a son for 6 weeks. like a fog or something. I know he was my angel who changed me into a greater woman I could've ever imagined being. im forever grateful for that... its just im still in shock and cant belive my beautiful baby is gone. Please keep me and my family in your prayers throughout this difficult time. Most importantly Eric Jr. He needs it right now... I couldn't even imagine whats going on in his head.. thanks and god bless

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