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Comment by Bonnie Jacobs on May 6, 2013 at 12:37am

Even though my daughter was in a coma for 4 months before she died on May 3rd, 2013 I still see her walking around the house and wait for her to come in at night. She was with me when her heart stopped beating and before they started it again. She was without oxygen for over 10 minutes.  I see the whole thing happening over and over again in the bedroom.  I can feel her falling into my arms just after she looked at me and said her last words ," I love you ".  I can still smell her perfume in that room and see her stuff lying around. I had help packing it up but those things and that smell are going to be in my mind forever. They say there is nothing worse than losing a child. I never realized what that meant until now. I don't know how to handle this.  I never knew such sadness.  I want to scream out and ask why it was her and not me.  I miss her so much.

Mother's Day is coming up and I am dreading it. I just want to bury my head in a pillow until it is over.  Her son, my grandson, is just 7 years old and I don't know how he will get through it either.  My heart breaks for him.  He is so smart and was so involved in saying our goodbyes to her that I know that day will hurt.  I pray for him.

Comment by linda hernandez on May 5, 2013 at 7:08pm

Special days of any kind can be especially difficult for anyone who has experienced the death of a child. 

The first year following the death of a child is often filled with 
days of dread and fear when anniversary dates and holidays approach. 

Mother’s Day is a holiday that is one of the most dreaded holidays of all. A mother grieving the loss of her precious child often spends weeks in fearful waiting of the day, wondering how she will ever make it through. 

There is no real way of avoiding Mother’s Day. The stores are filled 
with gifts made and designed especially for mothers and children. Advertisements for gifts on the radio and in the newspaper bombard us every day for weeks prior to Mother’s Day. Card and flower shops experience their busiest season of the year on Mother’s Day. Reminders of this special holiday are 
everywhere.

There is an empty ache that becomes increasingly more evident as the day approaches and there seems to be no way to find relief. 

It is wise to share these feelings with other bereaved parents and friends rather than to avoid the topic. By sharing how you feel, 
you can alert others to be more sensitive to your needs during this painful day of sad reminders. 

Remember that this is not a time to worry about hurting other’s feelings but, rather, a time to make your wishes known. 

Remind yourself often that there is no right or wrong way to handle 
Mother’s Day. Some mothers have found it helpful to go away on a mini weekend trip, totally avoiding any family gatherings that will be too painful to attend.

Other mothers choose to do something special in memory of their child. Many choose to use Mother’s Day as a special day to plant a flower or tree in memory of their child who has died. 
Seeing something growing is often a visible reminder of the ongoing love a mother has for her child. 

Whatever you choose to do, remember not to set expectations too high for the day. Plan to do something that is healing for you, but realize that you will still experience a wide gamut of emotions and many tears will fall. 

By planning ahead for Mother’s Day, you have already crossed a big hurdle in your walk.. Telling others that this is going to be a difficult day for you is a way of building up a support system that will help you get through the day. 

Remind yourself often that you will make it through Mother’s Day and, when you do, you will be one step farther along in this 
difficult journey we call grief.

Comment by Karen R. on May 4, 2013 at 10:31pm

Dear B. Milt, I just want to send you a hug, I totally can relate to your poem....so sorry, so sorry that any parent has to experience this.

Comment by Ammy on May 3, 2013 at 4:29pm

B. Milt ~ sending a hug your way.  Please take care of yourself.  ❤

Comment by Bern on May 3, 2013 at 12:45am

A poem to my son...7month I have not talked to you now!

Every Breath I take...every Step I make will be for you T.J. You left me here alone..I am sorry I was not their to protect you.  You are my heart; my soul, and I know you always protected me every time I called. I don’t have no one to call on now. I hope you are warm and alright until we meet again. My

only son

 

Comment by Ann Edmondson on May 2, 2013 at 8:59pm

Praying for each of you today. With Mother's Day around the corner each of us will need the extra care and hugs. Praying all of you have someone who will give you a special hug that day!

Comment by Ammy on May 2, 2013 at 8:40pm

Thinking of you all with a caring heart.  

Let us know how you are.

Blessings & hugs to each one of you.   ❤

Comment by Michelle H on April 29, 2013 at 8:07pm

Somehow the funeral arrangements, the memorials, the flowers and condolence cards arriving take on a momentum that gets us through those first few weeks. When all that comes to an end, the stark reality of the loss sets in with a vengeance. We're faced with the rest of life without our precious child. It's beyond devastating.

Comment by Ammy on April 29, 2013 at 3:40pm

Linda, thank you for sharing that description of grief.  It really is true.  We have no idea where we are going on this trip, but I know it is one we would ever choose to be on.

Blessings and hugs to all.  ❤

Comment by Brenda Ann on April 29, 2013 at 5:54am

Linda,

What a great analogy comparing this grief journey to a trip. To me when my husband all of a sudden wants to go away for the weekend and I have had zero time to do the research about where to go, what to do, and prices, I find the trip  very stressful. With the grief journey, you have no idea what to expect. When my father in law passed, even though we knew it was coming  since Hospice had tactfully helped us understand what was happening, the call was a shock.  I did not know that your body could react in such a physical way - I had what was only comparable to a terrible stomach virus for about 3 days. I don't like this journey but I find that reaching out to others, helps me. Thank you for your words of "together we travel this unwanted road".

Brenda

Brenda

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