Comment

Comment by Bern on May 22, 2013 at 9:05am

Linda,

I love your letter. I used your words to email my daughter, sister and husband. I added this last sentence.

Again, I pretend everyday in public, always remember that. When I am with you my family, I don't pretend and need your support

Comment by Grace on May 22, 2013 at 5:37am

Very well said Linda....as if it were my own thoughts ....  so very true.

also {{{{Teresa}}}} Hugs to you... we all have those days where we would like to run away. 

Now when ever I hear these sad stories of children passing through Sandy Hook... or tornados... I wonder if we will meet these new {parent members) here.....  and it is as if they are "Crossing Over"  to our world..... I say a prayer for all of them who are becoming "Us".....

Hugs to everyone..... PEACE 

Comment by Ann Edmondson on May 21, 2013 at 11:18pm

Linda ~ you have said what we all wish others knew. Lot's of times I just wanted to say this to other people. Thank you for sharing these words of wisdom. Know if we could just get the message to others.

Comment by linda hernandez on May 21, 2013 at 8:43pm

We have heard people say, "I don't want to upset you, or remind you of your child, or say something that will make you cry." 

We want to tell them: "The only way you can make me feel worse than I already do is to pretend that it doesn't exist or that it isn't as deep and painful as you surely know it is.” 

We want to ask them "Have you ever experienced the feeling of having one terrible incident go through your mind, day after day, week after week, month after month, wondering why it happened and how you could have prevented it?" Well, don't worry about reminding us of our children. We are thinking about them nearly twenty-four hours a day.

We appreciate your talking about our child, or at least letting us talk about them. They are a very large part of our lives, and ignoring our child now will really hurt us. It makes us think that you feel they are no longer important because they are gone. It hurts to think that people don't want to think about them or remember good 
things about them, just because they have died. 

We understand that you don't want to say anything that will make us cry. That sounds kind, and we used to feel that way too, but now we know better. We’d rather the tears didn't come when you talk to us because we know they may scare you away, or at least make you very uncomfortable. But we've learned how useful and 
necessary they are. If we go too long without tears, our body builds up a terrible pressure from the pain of the grief. If you will allow us to cry in your presence, perhaps we won't have to cry alone, wondering if anyone else remembers, or even cares, about the death of our child.

You can't know what will make us cry. Sometimes we don't know ourselves. Some days we stay dry-eyed through nearly everything. Other days, the slightest thing will start the tears; things you could not possibly imagine or anticipate. Not all the tears are tears of sorrow. Even in the midst of our anguish, we sometimes cry tears 
of joy and relief because you have reached out; because you have confirmed that our children were special; perhaps because you have shared with us some precious memory about them which we had not known before.

Please don't run away from us. Don't pretend our child's death never occurred, or even worse, that they never lived.We still love them, think of them, and need to remember. Please share with us and we will all feel better. 

Initially, when we were told that we would change and grow stronger through this experience, we wanted to scream that 
if it meant giving up our children, we didn't want to change or get stronger. But we know we have no choice about that now;they are gone. Now our choices are either to become better; or we can choose to allow this grief to destroy us.

Comment by Ann Edmondson on May 21, 2013 at 7:29pm

Teresa ~ just wanted you to know you were in my prayers today and every day. {{Teresa}} here are a few cyber hugs from me too!

Comment by Ammy on May 21, 2013 at 5:26pm

Hi all.  I sincerely hope (pray) you are coping and having some time of peace.  You all are in my thoughts & prayers daily.  Hugs to all.

Comment by Ammy on May 21, 2013 at 5:25pm

Teresa, you are having normal feelings.  Hang in there.  You will have better days.  We all know these horrific days.  Just breathe.

Wish I could give you a real hug, but since I can't I am sending you a cyber hug.  {{{Teresa}}}  Wish it was more.

Comment by Teresa D. on May 21, 2013 at 6:22am

Can't sleep.  I'm really struggling today. I feel very overwhelmed and as if I just want to run away.  I know no matter how far I run the pain is going to run with me. God please help me get to a better place.

Comment by Michelle H on May 20, 2013 at 9:46pm

Beautifully expressed, Linda. I'm finding that much of the reading I've been doing since my son passed away confirms what you said. Somehow I feel like I'm growing much more quickly spiritually than ever before.

Comment by Michelle H on May 20, 2013 at 9:46pm

Beautifully expressed, Linda. I'm finding that much of the reading I've been doing since my son passed away confirms what you said. Somehow I feel like I'm growing much more quickly spiritually than ever before.

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