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Comment by Jane P on January 22, 2014 at 6:58pm

Thank you for thinking of me.

Comment by Michelle W on January 22, 2014 at 5:46pm

Davi, well it has actually has been two years and a month ... My son was seventeen and the accident was less then a month from as he said his golden birthday .. He was going to be eighteen on the eighteenth of December .. He told my daughter and myself two days before he was taken from me on my daughters birthday( thanksgiving) that she could have the day but everyday after that was his and everything would be golden ... Those words ring in my head all the time .. My daughter and I put him in a golden urn... And yes everyday after that day has been about him... How ironic...as someone wrote earlier the first year I just couldn't believe it was true.. No one does or will understand..yes they are all too uncomfortable to even say the right thing.. I found it is easier not to talk to anyone anymore about it.. Even relatives just can't understand .. They are not the mom or dad.. The love lost.. The guilt.. The lost future..so I found only here I am comfortable saying how I truly feel.. Even today it feels like the first day...a really bad day... You would think it would be better now ... It's not .. It's like being frozen in time... I've been sad all day.. Why? Who knows what has triggered it today.. I truely hope the best for everyone today,,,

Comment by elaine haddow on January 22, 2014 at 4:52pm

Jane I know exactly how you feel! I live in a small town and there is nothing in my area to help me cope. I have tried to talk to family and friends but they don't really understand. They say the right things but I can see its not something they are comfortable with. My aunt told me off and told me to concentrate on my other children. I felt she was implying that I wasn't caring for my other children but as my youngest is nearly nineteen and the eldest 29 they have their own life's and often seem to be coping better than me. When they are at home of course we are close and talk about their sister. But it's not enough for me. Her dad is not one to discuss the loss of a loved one. I know this from when his sister died in her twenties. You know , the stiff upper lip us Brits are meant to have! I feel lost, as Mei li is all I think about. I wonder is she lonely or home sick and I feel the despair she must have felt that last day! Not having someone to talk this over with is makes me feel that I am losing my mind. But all we can do is try, Jane. My heart is with you xx

Comment by Davi Burford on January 22, 2014 at 4:06pm

Oh Dolly what a pretty picture thank you..... Michelle I can't yet image what it will be like after 3 years. Thank you everyone for the hugs and I send my own hugs

Comment by Michelle W on January 22, 2014 at 2:08pm

Davi, I find it comforting to go visit my son at his grave site alone it's like our time , yes I cry a lot but I always take beautiful sunflowers he knew I loved them and I actually hear him answer me when I tell he all the things he has miss since the last time I was there... I have now started year three ... No different then two ... I still am a mess and really don't care what anyone thinks... My daughter seems truly happy for the first time in two years but she avoids us.. We bring her down...I told a friend once is feel like I'm just waiting to just go now... I really lost that sparkle of hope and true happiness... The pain always is there to tone it down .. I don't want to end my life.. I just feel like a shell of me now it hurts me to know my girl will not have a whole mom just a shell... So I fake it the best I can... I really miss my son.. He always made me smile and whole...Lynn what a beautiful note I every once and awhile read the notes from the kids and It just breaks my heart in a good way.. Hugs to all

Comment by Connie K on January 22, 2014 at 11:55am

Hoping everyone here has some peace today. I know how you feel Theresa. I mourn Daniel's future everyday too and also any grandchildren we would have had. I'm going to a lovely local garden for a good walk this am. Hopefully that will make me feel better. ((( )))

Comment by Vasanthi S on January 22, 2014 at 9:58am

Dolly that is lovely.. u r a sweetheart

Comment by Davi Burford on January 22, 2014 at 8:28am

Hugs to you Merry 

Comment by Davi Burford on January 22, 2014 at 8:19am

Thank you Teresa and Connie for the candles I felt a sort of comfort and peace while at the grave site, the one thing Dylan hated more than anything else was to see his momma upset for any reason, so maybe he was there holding me to keep me from balling my eyes out because I only shed a few tears while talking to him and watching his little brother and sister play around him. So many others had come and put up balloons also.

Comment by Teresa D. on January 22, 2014 at 6:26am

Davi, I too burned a candle yesterday.  Due to the snow I couldn't get out to get a balloon. I know how you feel..the day Michael left we talked about his future and what he wanted to achieve.  Now it's all gone. I grieve that future if that makes sense.

Ammy I never really listened to the words.  Sang the song many times without really listening to it.  For the first time I actually heard the words.

Jane we all know how overwhelming this is, but you are never alone.

You know your right I'd rather be in the numb stage then the one I'm in now.  It's like for months in the back of my mind I thought I would wake up and everything would be back to what it is was.  Now I realize that is not reality, this is my reality. It's been hard facing it.

The other day I wanted to call his number so bad.  I wanted to tell him everything as I always did.  I had to fight myself and keep myself from dialing his number.  I'm so scared the number has been given to someone else.  Not sure how I would react if someone answered so I'm trying to keep myself from doing it.

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