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Comment by Connie K on February 10, 2014 at 11:33am

Beautiful poem Tresa. Thank you for sharing. I don't think I've stop crying since yesterday. I'm reverting back to feeling like if I had done things differently Daniel would still be here. I feel let him down,. I don't know how to stop feeling guilty about anything I could have done differently. I can intellectualize it and say there's nothing I could have done. But how do I know? I never will and I'll never have a change to make it right. It's all in God's hands and I hope he will guide me to some sort of peace. Because right now I can't forgive myself and don't know how to start. I have repressed this all year, trying to come to some understanding in order to continue living and I think I have made progress. But then wham! it hits me like a slap in the face. Oh please, I want my baby back and I promise I'll do things better or different this time. If only we could have a do-over. I have to just apply what I've learned to those that I love who are still here. But there's such a giant hole in my heart.

Comment by Davi Burford on February 10, 2014 at 11:26am

Thank you Lynn, yes I will be so glad when all this dreary cold goes away... Were in for more crap weather tonight we are 2 months in and I just feel so lost. My mom keeps calling me to check on me and I answer but then I wonder why I am so sick of people worrying about me I will either be ok or I won't but that for me no body else, I know she means well and I should not be so ugly to her she is also hurting I mean he was her first grandson she helped me raise him for the first 4 years of his life but I just can't take it. I truly hope that after some years this becomes a little easier, cause right now I just don't want to wait and see but I know all to well that ending life is not the answer GOD has a plan because he let me live 3 years ago but that does not mean I have to like it..... My husband is telling me that my negative thoughts are making me worse ( I have always been a negative person) but right now how can anyone find positive

Comment by Lynn Williams on February 10, 2014 at 11:01am

I know what you mean Davi. I was feeling more able to cope, but for the past few days I have been in a funk. I am so sick of winter and longing for spring. It will be 6 months since Kyra died on the 17th of Feb. You and I are still in the early stage of mourning even though it feels like forever. I am sending you a hug and we are here for you and know your pain

Comment by Davi Burford on February 10, 2014 at 10:39am

I have cried more today than I have since after the funeral..... Its a very tough Monday today.... My car broke down this morning, things are breaking down at work and I am the only one to fix it, I am physically breaking down I fell like, I don't even want to know what else....... I hope everyone has a good day *HUGS*

Comment by Teresa D. on February 10, 2014 at 6:56am

A Picture Of You

© Deborah Robinson

I only have a picture now,
A frozen piece of time,
To remind me of how it was,
When you were here, and mine.

I see your smiling eyes,
Each morning when I wake,
I talk to you, and place a kiss,
Upon your lovely face.

How much I miss you being here,
I really can not say,
The ache is deep inside my heart,
And never goes away.

I hear it mentioned often,
That time will heal the pain,
But if I'm being honest,
I hope it will remain.

I need to feel you constantly,
To get me through the day,
I loved you so very much,
Why did you go away?

The angels came and took you,
That really wasn't fair,
They took my one and only Son,
My future life. My heir.

If only they had asked me,
If I would take your place,
I would have done so willingly,
Leaving you this world to grace.

You should have had so many years,
To watch your life unfold,
And in the mist of this,
Watch me, your Mum grow old!

I hope your watching from above,
At the daily tasks I do,
And let there be no doubt at all,
I really do love you.

Comment by Lynn Williams on February 9, 2014 at 8:38pm

Thinking of you all. It has been a hard day. I have cried a lot today but I listened to the recording with the medium and I felt her near again. Hope we all have a better day tomorrow. My husband goes on a five day ski trip with his friends on Thursday, so it's my turn to take care of the dogs.

Comment by Connie K on February 9, 2014 at 6:28pm

Vasanthi - thinking of you and holding you in my heart

Comment by Connie K on February 9, 2014 at 6:26pm

Dolly - yes plant it outside in the spring. Just remember it will lose all of it's flowers and leaves and appear to be on it's way out. Not true!! It is just resting. If you out a penny in with the plant it will become more vibrant blue. Thank God I love to garden - it helps me decompress and just be. Maybe you should start a small indoor garden with little pots. O at least herbs in the kitchen. I find that now that i don't have my child to nurture that I can nurture the earth, and it in turns nurtures me. Today's has been a tough one. Starting crying at the Ashrama service because of the deep and moving talk and that has evidently unleashed the flood gates. Peace to everyone. (((   )))

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on February 8, 2014 at 11:20pm

I think of you all every day. My sisters in grief. XO

Comment by anne on February 8, 2014 at 7:38pm

I too am sending Peace and Prayers to everyone. It must be the week. I too have been missing my boys a lot. I knew Garth Brooks was going to be on the last Jay Leno show so I purposely did not turn the channel to it. Then my husband came in and changed the channel and there was Garth Brooks singing The Dance. Every lyric hit me like a brick in the face. All the memories of Bens funeral came flooding back. I sobbed harder than I have sobbed in a long time. I just fell apart. It brought me back to that very dark time. Then I was channel surfing and there was a person who had been burned in a car accident and they showed all of it. Once again I thought I was having a heart attack. Needless to say I haven't had a good nights sleep since. These are some of the hardest things about grief. There's always something to either remind me of it all or brings me back to it. I get mighty exhausted dealing with life some days. The one thing I always look forward to is that tomorrow just might be better. You don't know what tomorrow will bring, but there's nothing wrong with hoping that it will be bettr than today.

Dolly, don't worry to much about your faith. It will come back when your ready to receive it. For now it's ok that you don't feel it. You as we all do have many things on your mind, and your faith will wait for you. Much peace to you!

There's just no way of stopping the wondering of what might've been. I find myself doing it more because winter has been so harsh. I don't dare cry outside because I'm pretty sure my tears would freeze to my face! This might sound a bit crazy, but it did feel good after the big sobbing cry. It almost feels like a bit of weight gets lifted off of me. I'm always afraid that if I start crying that I won't be able to stop, but I have and I think I'm kind of cried out for now. Tomorrow is Sunday, and I think I am going to hibernate for the day. No special reason. I'm just tired out. Mentally, and physically so I think I'll give myself the day off. I've been having some severe panic attacks the last few days which is unusual for me, but I think I just need to be alone in peace and quiet. I need 3 different serious operations, and I cant get up the courage to have even 1. I am a big scared baby. I don't know why they just can't do it all at once and get it over with. I have been joking about it for a couple of weeks, but the truth is I'm pretty scared because I'm afraid of the mental challenge that comes with illness. I find the grief is harder to deal with when my body is down. Imagine all the things I have been through in life and I still get scared when I'm either hurt or sick. Some big brave woman I am! Peace, Love and Prayers to all. I hope next week will be a better week for all of us. Hang in there everyone!

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