Comment

Comment by Grace on March 19, 2014 at 7:58pm

Has any one seen the advertisement for a new tv show called resurrection... it is about the dead coming back?  I don't think I could watch it.... it has been 5 years.... and i doubt if my emotions could handle it..... 

This has been such a bad week.... as I was telling you about my Friday morning dream of my Niles.... this past Monday.... My friend died.  I learned later that her husband rushed her to the hospital Friday morning.....   She died similar to the way my first husband (Different Wedding) died 31 years ago... as he described the events..... FLASH BACKS 31 years ago... I still remembered the names of the Blood Pressure Medication give to some one who has a drop in BP..... and floods on flash backs to 31 years ago.... 5 years ago... and the Dreams..... 

Comment by Connie K on March 19, 2014 at 6:55pm

Wow- I echo all of your feelings. Our days and emotions are like the tide.

Some days it's a tidal wave. I'm sorry for all of your pain.

And about what you said Lynn - people's judgements can make you crazy and intensify everything. I think it's impossible for someone who has not had this loss to understand and I that for some people to entertain the thought of it happening to them is just too scary. You know how before we lost our kids, if you had the thought - you felt like there's no way you could ever survive it. It's the worst imaginable fear. It reminded me of when my best friend told me that another friend of hers had lost her daughter at age 16 a couple of years ago and my friend told her that she'd be there for her - whenever, whatever she needed. Then I asked her how the mother was dealing with it so I could possibly get some insight, and she admitted she had never seen her since. I was really taken aback because this is so unlike my friend. I asked her why and she just said it scared her to death because she had a daughter that age with her own issues. Anyway, her reaction is what gave me the insight  - and I gave her the real low down on how it feels. Now she has also learned a lot about how to help people going through this and dealt with some of her own fears and she has been my biggest support this year.  But if you don't HAVE to deal with it nobody wants to and they probably wonder how we possibly can. So I'm proud of all of us just for finding the strength to carry on each day, however we have to (sometimes crying through the whole damn day, kicking and screaming or finding an occasional bit a peace when we feel our childrens spirit helping us along the way, or by helping others). I'm so glad we have support here and am sending a huge prayer for spring weather to come to everyone soon!!!!!!!!!! I wrote a song last year sometime (I have no concept of time anymore) and will be recording it. I'll share with you all when I get it done. It's called "Mama Don't Cry". Yes - it's a country song :)

Thanks for giving me encouragement to sing again.

Comment by Vasanthi S on March 19, 2014 at 4:25pm

Teresa, Davi, Lynn, L, Connie, Dolly, and all the others...I think we are all trying so hard that the effort at being normal is causing so much anguish..Friends may be well meaning but since no one except the ones who have lost seem to understand, to hell with the others. this hurts everyday , every waking hour.. some days are just so difficult because along with this we also have to be functional. sometimes small things make me seethe with rage and even though I feel it , I wonder why I am so angry at the slightest slight. Then it comes down to ," I am missing my son sorely. I need him and he knows how devastating it is then why isn't he just reaching out, and why am I not able to reach him.. what a misery this is.. what possible lesson can there be apart from all who are born will die and why did this lesson have to be done this way for me to know it? I already knew it!!!! How and why should God deprive me of my only child who was absolutely enjoying his young life and take him away in the blink of an eye with no warning whatsoever? Maybe just maybe it is to show that death doesn't mean absence? I feel crazy.

Comment by Lynn Williams on March 19, 2014 at 2:24pm

If another friend says to me,your doing so so much better than I thought you would. I just want to shake them and scream would you rather see me come unglued in front of you. Then you surely would avoid me. When I walk away the guilt starts, "what's the matter with you didn't you love your daughter enough, your not crying 24/7 anymore. I run to the car after such an encounter and cry
uncontrollably. It is always the mothers who still have all their children. Why do they judge me I ask myself, can't I experience a few hours of distraction from the pain and not be a bad mother. I am sobbing as I write this. Do you have to chose loneliness or be judged not sorrowful enough. My friends who never had children seem to be the most comforting and supportive. I thank you all for being here sometimes the outside world is too much to deal with.

Comment by Davi Burford on March 19, 2014 at 12:15pm

Don't be sorry Teresa that is why we are here so you have a place you can release your real feelings because we are feeling them also or have felt them in the past. As for me I am in the same place, it truly sucks and yes this to shall pass but until then vent sister :) I am having bad day myself 

Comment by Teresa D. on March 19, 2014 at 12:12pm

I'm sorry I know this will pass. 

Comment by Teresa D. on March 19, 2014 at 12:11pm

Connie, I'd love to see snapshot of your concert.

It's been 18 months since Michael left and I still don't know who the "new me" is, maybe this is it.  I know I'll never be who I was.  Some of me is gone.

Davi, I not only grieve the lost of my Michael but I grieve the lost of his future.

Who am I kidding?  I am so damn lost right now.  I feel stuck between disbelief and reality.  One minute I'm telling myself NO and the next I'm crying over not being able to call him.  I'm so damn miserable.  Me and all my talk about reaching a better day.  It's bull damn it.  I don't know what to say anymore. I don't know what to do.  I don't know how to get to a better place.  I sit here trying to be positive and yet today I hate the world!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comment by L on March 19, 2014 at 11:16am

As I said yesterday, this forum is wonderful.  It is like an old coat that you put on and feel warm and comforted. I will repeat myself by saying that I am grateful for the support and friendship and guidance in coping and knowing that there is life affirming power in the circle of people here. If we can help each other in steps to that "new normal" it is our gift from our children. Thank you Vasanthi for the beautiful poem.... thank you Connie for sharing my feelings....thank you Connie for having the courage to SING (wonderful) ..... thank you to all that are here in words..... you have made my day.  My Best....L

Comment by Connie K on March 19, 2014 at 11:01am

That is a beautiful passage Vasanthi - thank you.

Dolly - at this point I am not sure of which sings exactly we will be performing. It is a 3 hour event so there will be quite a few! I will let you know as we rehears and select the material. For sure  I will be doing "Dancin' in the Sky"! Thanks for asking. It will definitely give me something to work towards and help in getting our band back together. I have gotten messages that he wants me and his dad to keep playing together. And I have also heard him say "sing like a bird mom". Music is the universal language and really can help transcend the pain for a bit.

Comment by Davi Burford on March 19, 2014 at 7:30am

That is beautiful Vasanthi. I am having such a down day and I have only been up for a few hours. I just can't seem to keep the tears at bay today. 

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 318
• 319
• 320
• 321
• 322
• …
• 757
• Next ›
• Page