Comment

Comment by toni m dicarlo on May 8, 2014 at 5:42pm

Another Mother's Day without my son.y sunshine. My joy

Comment by Connie K on May 8, 2014 at 5:12pm

Wow - all these feelings are right on. The guilt of all the things we COULD have done to keep things from happening in that moment. I feel it too all the time. If only I had....

My counselor helps by reminding me that our children also made choices. They are not ours to keep but to love and give wings to fly. They all had their own paths. We are not in control and even if we had done this or that who really knows if that would have changed everything. But that is a hard pill to swallow as well. I am angry and ashamed of myself for not making the decisions that would have changed Daniel's fate, angry at the driver of the car, and the stupid illegal retaining wall that they smashed into. But I know this is not what he would want me to feel and all I can do now is try to make him proud because I feel he is still with us in another form. It is a constant struggle to keep my thoughts out of all the negative emotions and get up every day with any hope of finding any peace.

Anne - congratulations on your "plunge" for cancer research. This is what we have to do - make a difference in others lives for our kids. We are in the process (more of a battle with the city) of getting that illegal structure replaced with a guard rail that meets today's safety requirements. It didn't cause the accident. But it certainly finished it. And with any luck we can prevent someone else from dying because of it. Two other people have been killed in that same spot since my son died there.

LR - my husband bought a motorcycle this year. He had always had one until our son got to the age where he might decide to take a ride on dad's bike so he sold it. That didn't keep him safe. And now when my husband goes for a ride, I get a little sick to my stomach but know that this is what HE needs to to deal with his grief and find something in life he can enjoy. What can I do? I just say "enjoy your ride" and hold my breath until I hear him return. It is not your fault.

Honestly we have to remember that every time we even get in a car we are taking a risk - we are just conditioned to think it's okay because that's how we get around.  My prayer for us all is that we can just for a little bit on Sunday be grateful that we got to be mothers.

Sorry I am rambling... I feel so overwhelmed by it all this week. It was so hard to come home after our trip to his empty room. I am so sorry for all of the pain you are suffering and will be sending love and prayers to you all and also appreciate your support. Just don't know where I would go or who to talk to if not for this site.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on May 8, 2014 at 3:24pm

Anne, I could have wrote the last post you made..those are my feelings too after 2 deaths of my son's....

I feel so flattened...and sometimes there are not good words to describe how I feel because even I do not know...the emotions flip through so fast...and are not always identifiable...

 

...and no matter how I try to reason...I will always feel responsible for assisting my son with the motorcycle purchase...we were almost going to walk away from place that was selling when I noticed the cycle that would kill him...I am so guilt ridden...there are no words for this...

 

Comment by Ammy on May 8, 2014 at 10:01am

I am so disappointed and thrown back into the darkest part of grief again.  The progress that I thought I was making seems to have fled.  This is just devastating; all over again.  I drive myself even crazier trying to find the trigger that set it off, but to no avail.  Just life, I guess.  This will be my 4th Mother's Day and I don't wish to hear those words, but I know my daughters will be saying them.  Would it be wrong to tell them not to mention it?  If only I could hide somewhere for awhile; a long while.  June is his birthday and July is when he left us so I guess I can not escape.  Will just hope that I don't stay in this funk for 3 months.
I feel all of your pain and pray always for peace to come to all of us.  There are calmer days, but I guess they don't last forever.
I also pray as Anne said, May the Peace, and Love that passes all understanding be with all!   

Comment by Teresa D. on May 8, 2014 at 7:49am

Eva, Lynn Dolly, and everyone else......we are still a mom. 

I pulled out all of my cards that I have from Michael.  I displayed them so I can look at them.  Yes they bring tears to my eyes but they are a reminder to me how much Michael loved me.  Nothing can ever take that away.

I wish I had words of wisdom for those of you who are new but I don't.  All I can offer to you is the compassionate support that I have received and continue to receive.

To everyone I hope that you can find some peace and I hope you can focus on the memories rather than the reality we are all faced with.  I'm struggling myself so I know that's not easy.

I appreciate everyone one of you!

Comment by Lynn Williams on May 8, 2014 at 7:13am

My first mothers day without Kyra coming up. Already feeling so sad.

 

Comment by Eva Van on May 8, 2014 at 3:30am

Comment by anne on May 7, 2014 at 6:57pm

Dear Friends, Mothers Day is fast approaching. Out of all the holidays this one is the worst for me. It always turns up the guilt for me. I was their mother. I was supposed to protect them. No matter how hard I try to make myself believe that I couldn't have stopped what happened I still feel like somehow I failed them. Part of me knows there was nothing I could've done to prevent both accidents, but the other part has a hard time forgiving myself. Not so much with Ben because I was too far away to stop that accident, but I still feel so guilty for not driving the day Lil Del died. I know I shouldn't hang on to that guilt, but it sure has been one of the hardest things for me to handle. I am so sleep deprived lately, and I know that plays a big role in how I handle things. I know Mothers Day will be very hard on all of us so I'm going to say extra prayers. There will come a day when we will all be together with our loved ones. I'm counting on it! You are all very important to me, and I thank you for your support. May the Peace, and Love that passes all understanding be with all!

Comment by Teresa D. on May 7, 2014 at 5:29am

Everyday is a day closer to Michael. 

Comment by Vasanthi S on May 6, 2014 at 6:16pm

Anne, Teresa thank you for everything... hugsss to all

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 295
• 296
• 297
• 298
• 299
• …
• 757
• Next ›
• Page