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Comment by kim on May 27, 2014 at 5:09pm

grace, your son is so beautiful. and always will be, thank you for careing, my very very best to you ,  I know your pain, remember hes always with you

Comment by kim on May 27, 2014 at 5:06pm

thank you so much vasanthi, my heart is so broken, I to am thinking of ending it all. I want so bad to be with my son ( shawn)my only child. without him I feel nothing. my husband is so worried about me, but I just can feel any more. to go on without him is unbearable, being on here I see others who are in deep pain to, who understand what im going through. I pray every night god takes me to my baby. I think together we  MIGHT get through this a little, thank you everyone for being here for me and I hope I can give back to you to. my eyes are so swollen everyday, and everyday is so hard to go on, but im trying, dear god its so hard.  I sleep with his clothes, I wear his coats , I wear his watch and rings, I smell him everyday in them. again thank you everyone for being a friend

Comment by Grace on May 27, 2014 at 4:42pm

Thank You everyone... he was so sweet..... He had Autism... was sometimes a challenge..... My life as well as our whole family revolved around him .... I fought for him at school and was and still remain a strong advocate for the disabled....   I always worried about me leaving him (dying before him) and who would take care and love him like a mother..... but I never meant for him to die at 14..... I can't believe I have continued to breathe for these past 5 years...... I really do miss him....but for those of you "Fresh" to this new life... there will always be a line of the "Before you lost them and After they were gone" ...but you will have a life with some happiness too..... You will always miss and love them... you will still cry...but you will be still breathing 5 years later...... even if right now you don't want to be....

Maybe eternal life is when people still love you and remember you   5 years.... or 50 years after you are gone....   we all worry we will forget them...but we never will.....

Comment by Vasanthi S on May 27, 2014 at 4:29pm

Grace..... sweet sweet baby ...what a beautiful boy.... hugsssss

Comment by Vasanthi S on May 27, 2014 at 4:27pm

Kim,

Please do not feel alone. Love to you and wish you peace and strength for the difficult days ahead.

I have kept coming here the past few days and as I was away, I could use the phone but always find it better to sit with the computer and message you all. New York was nice but needless to say missed Shreyas so so so much. There will never be a time when I will feel the glowing feeling of contentment I think.

Went to the WTC on Memorial day and also had you all in my heart.. we who deeply grieve and who have had such monumental losses that I just feel that even if we are barely functional we are heroic :(

Dolly read your message here wondering how I was.. felt deeply touched that you thought of me. 

btw Saturday evening had a huge row in the hotel with my husband and literally felt like ending it all.... in fact I told him, " lissen why dont you just fling me out of the window?" I think he was stressed with the city and somehow felt that I kept looking to him for everything and wasnt taking initiative...sighhhhhhh sighhhhhh sighhhhhhhhh... what f!@!#$@#$@#@! initiative will I ever feel like taking? and yet everytime I cant keep reminding people that heyyyyy I lost my only son so do you mind and can you be kind? how long will people listen anyway? well Sunday and Monday were fine and often felt I was back in Mumbai. Groton is a very quiet wooded area and I was missing the city life..well just love and hugsss to you all xoxoxox

Comment by Connie K on May 27, 2014 at 4:26pm

Grace - what a beautiful boy. I love his smile and those blue eyes! I hope it is of some comfort to know that as an organ donor, he has helped others live on. We weren't able to make organ donations from my son because of it took so long for the coroner to get to the scene. You are very brave and I know your son is always with you and so proud of you.

Comment by Grace on May 27, 2014 at 1:33pm

5 years ago.... tears rained from heaven as I left my baby at Milwaukee Children's Hospital.... to become an organ donor hero.....  Yes 5 years later... I remember.... and I cry.... and I still miss him.....PEACE  for all of us who only have "Photographs and Memories" left  to remember them......

Comment by kim on May 27, 2014 at 7:14am

I want to thank everyone that sent me a letter,  I cryed reading them all.  its so very special to know  people do care and understand what im going through.  and im so very sorry for your loses to.  the pain is so unbearable, hard to thing it will fade a little in time.  to lose the love of my life has changed me, I just don't care about anything anymore.  thank you so very much for letting me know im not alone, you truly are special people to care about someone you don't know. right now im pretty mad at god, but im so very glad I have found you to help me,   thank you   kim

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on May 27, 2014 at 4:39am

Kim
I'm so so sorry. I too lost my son. He was 44. The absolute love of my life. It's a difficult path we are on. I come here every night to read and share what I can. We need each other.

Comment by anne on May 26, 2014 at 11:13pm

Well tomorrow I leave for the big city! Dr appts, and Federal jury duty. Know that you are all loved. Hang in there! You will all be in my thoughts and prayers. Peace, and Love to all.

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