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Comment by kim on June 9, 2014 at 11:14am

so sorry anne, everything I watch anymore  with death I cry, it seems every show has someone with a bad heart then they die.  its so dam hard not to cry. im not sure how you lost your son and how old he was, but I know the pain very well.  take care  love kim

Comment by anne on June 9, 2014 at 10:33am

Woke up this morning with a nasty headache. Grabbed an ice pack turned on the tv and Touched by an Angel was on. It was a military episode. I really had no bad feelings till the soldier died. Then came the military funeral. I couldn't breathe. It felt like the world had stopped. My gut wrenching with pain. Then the gun salute. I jumped with every firing. Memories of Bens funeral came flooding back as if it was happening all over again. When they handed the mother the folded flag I couldn't even cry. I just felt paralyzed. I looked up on the shelf in my room at the flag that had draped my son's casket, and my heart sank. I'm ok now. In times past it would take days for me to recover from this sight. Now it only took 30 minutes or so. I'm not surprised it still gets to me. It will probably always get to me. It's one of those things I'll never get over, but I do get through. One step at a time.

Comment by Teresa D. on June 5, 2014 at 5:34am

"I will see you again"

Comment by kim on June 4, 2014 at 1:00pm

thank you connie, I know so very well what you are feeling everyday. you have such a wonderful heart even though its broken. my tears will never stop flowing,  tomorrow it will be 7 months, dear god its like yesterday. I don't know what its like not to cry anymore. all my love to you to.  and thank you for  being a friend to me.

Comment by Connie K on June 4, 2014 at 12:47pm

LR - thanks for sharing. What a beautiful song. The guy performing it reminded me so much of my son. Tears flowing - I feel like i could have written those words. I just want to together NOW. I am so lonely without my son and miss him more and more each day but do know that he is experiencing amazing things and does want nothing more than for me to try to be happy and enjoy life. When I remember his joyful spirit, I can be if only for a moment.

Love and hugs to all of you here. Kim, I feel your pain and sending you extra love today.

Comment by kim on June 4, 2014 at 9:09am

this morning  the bunny was back, I know shawn sent this to me, he sends him here everyday. we never see bunnies in the city, but since he left me I have been asking him to send one if hes still with me. in his memory garden I have an angel with 2 bunnies at the bottom. I miss him more each day, I know my heart will never heal. my pain gets worse by the min.  god how I need him here.  I love him so much,

Comment by Jesse's Mom on June 3, 2014 at 9:36pm

Found this song...We will be together again

http://youtu.be/wvuBok5Xfis

Comment by kim on June 3, 2014 at 5:12pm

thank you anne, I just want so bad to be with him, I am in such a very dark place  and feel theres nothing left for me

Comment by anne on June 3, 2014 at 4:41pm

Dear Kim, please be kind to yourself. Your journey is so new, but I do believe one day you will feel it too. Sorry to say that we do have to feel the pain, and the sadness first. I don't know why, we have to suffer so much. It is so difficult to get through each day. I too have cried many, many tears, and I suppose I always will. In time though I have learned that for every tear I have cried I have also had  much joy. You just can't see it until the pain subsides, and it does. My journey has been long, and at times almost impossible to bear, but somehow, someway I am still here. Not without trials and tribulations, and not without suffering. I write and share because I had no one in the beginning to tell me the truth about how this all works. I lived in such darkness that I thought I'd never see the light of day again, nor did I think I wanted too. Then I leaned on the only one who waited for me. The only one that I did my best to push away. God. That's how I know that he doesn't do these things to us. I know because at times I could feel him weep right along side me. There's no easy way to walk in these tight, painful shoes, but it can be done. That's why I share. I share in the hopes that maybe, just maybe I can help someone else have one ounce of peace, and hopefully to share a small bit of light that took me so long to find. Losing my children was terrible enough, but to have to find my way alone in the dark was rough too. Take care, and know that we are all here for you, and you don't have to do this alone.

Comment by kim on June 3, 2014 at 3:35pm

anne, that was so beautiful, and maybe in time  I will feel that way, I hope so. but the pain im feeling right now is killing me, I wish I could remember the good time , right now I cant, just that last day with my shawn. keeps going over and over in my head. I cant stop crying.

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