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Comment by Teresa D. on June 13, 2014 at 4:56pm

I think we run out of words out of being emotionally exhausted.  I'm still not sure who the new me is but I know the old me is gone. The pain is not easing I think I'm just learning how to manage it better.  It's been 21 months yet some ask why am I still crying daily.  Well I had my Michael for 29 years.  He was a part of me and now a piece of my heart is gone.  I miss the most annoying things he did, I miss his bear hugs, our conversations, his humor, his smile. 

One night he was stuck working late.  He was at an intersection laying pipe when he called me and asked me to order him food to be delivered to him.  Trying to get somewhere to deliver to an intersection took some work.  They thought it was a prank.  I had to call a shop up the block so they could look out the door and see him.  Then after I finally got them to agree to deliver it he gives me an order for all 5 of the guys he was working with.  Typical Michael rope me in.  Yet I always allowed myself to fall for it.  Now I'd give anything in this world to be on the phone trying to take care of him while he's working late in the street. 

Michael I love you more than words could ever say............

Comment by kim on June 12, 2014 at 10:22am

today I went early to see my son, its raining, dam and cool out. hurts so bad everyday. cant sleep and im always tired. I miss him so bad, the emptyness  is so painful.i want so bad to feel him with me. how do we go on, I just don't understand anymore. I love him more then life and I need him so very badly.

Comment by Michelle H on June 11, 2014 at 8:14pm

I, too, read and often remain silent. Just don't know what to say or even what to feel. It seems so unreal. I wonder if it ever will...

Comment by Vasanthi S on June 11, 2014 at 7:28pm

I read and ponder and worry about the pain we will carry and the permanence  of death and feel it so ridiculous that I know there has to be something better...... love to all here , I read everyday and I want to soothe and cpomfort everyone but some days I just read and go silent, but you all are in my heart and prayers.

Comment by Michelle H on June 11, 2014 at 9:51am

sometimes the thought of everyone's pain is overwhelming. I wish there were something I could do to spare oeach of you what you're experiencing with the death of your child or children. I'm not sure how
how we do it each and everyday.My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on June 11, 2014 at 1:27am

Anne
I had no idea. You have lifted so many of us up so many times. I can't begin to imagine the pain of losing multiple children let alone a disabled one. I'm so sorry. God has to have answers for this. When you are all reunited. XO

Comment by kim on June 9, 2014 at 2:56pm

oh dear god  anne, im so very very sorry. you have gone threw hell. my heart is with you always. sometimes I feel im the only one that has lost the love of my life my son, but to hear other stories breaks  my heart more. I feel theres nothing more to live for without my shawn, I cant even think of what you are going through. please anne im hurting like I have never hurt before but  ill be here for you always. I don't feel ill ever get through this but  its nice to know we can talk and we both understand the pain.  take care and thank you for sharing.   love kim

Comment by anne on June 9, 2014 at 12:46pm

Hello Kim! My son was killed in a car accident. A man driving a big truck with a equipment trailer on the back, ran a stop sign at 70mi per hour and t-boned my daughters car. My daughter was left severly handicapped on the left side of her body, and my son was killed. He fought on the front lines of Iraq for 19 months as a bomb hunter, and was killed one month before his voluntary second deployment. His buddies were being deployed so he thought he should go back, and help them stay alive since he already knew the terrain. My 12 year old son was burned to death in a car accident before this. Ben was 24.

Comment by kim on June 9, 2014 at 11:14am

so sorry anne, everything I watch anymore  with death I cry, it seems every show has someone with a bad heart then they die.  its so dam hard not to cry. im not sure how you lost your son and how old he was, but I know the pain very well.  take care  love kim

Comment by anne on June 9, 2014 at 10:33am

Woke up this morning with a nasty headache. Grabbed an ice pack turned on the tv and Touched by an Angel was on. It was a military episode. I really had no bad feelings till the soldier died. Then came the military funeral. I couldn't breathe. It felt like the world had stopped. My gut wrenching with pain. Then the gun salute. I jumped with every firing. Memories of Bens funeral came flooding back as if it was happening all over again. When they handed the mother the folded flag I couldn't even cry. I just felt paralyzed. I looked up on the shelf in my room at the flag that had draped my son's casket, and my heart sank. I'm ok now. In times past it would take days for me to recover from this sight. Now it only took 30 minutes or so. I'm not surprised it still gets to me. It will probably always get to me. It's one of those things I'll never get over, but I do get through. One step at a time.

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