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Comment by Michelle H on July 3, 2014 at 12:24pm

Jane, Dolly, most of us know the desperation you're feeling. I'm sure most of us have either wished God would take us or even thought about doing it ourselves. I know the loneliness, the longing for our children. It doesn't make sense to us that they went first. It's not supposed to happen this way. But I do think that each of us has a purpose in this life that we haven't yet fulfilled, even though it may seem that there IS no purpose. I have to tell you both (and everyone else) that you ARE needed...here on this forum most definitely. It doesn't matter that we haven't met in person; we have a bond that most of us don't have with anyone else. We UNDERSTAND. And we hurt WITH you and FOR you as well as for ourselves. But we would hurt even more if one of our own decided to end it all. Please know that it really isn't the answer.

Comment by kim on July 3, 2014 at 11:55am

girls, we all feel useless and empty anymore. we live for our children, now we have love them, the love of our lives, we are question every day, everything we ever did for them. I have lost very good long time friends after shawn went away, but now I know they really were not my friend. us either, I never laugh or smile any more, and you know what ( I REALLY DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THEM EITHER ) if they cant understand what im going through and cant be here for me, well there  NOT WORTH IT . I feel the people in here are my good friends now. you let me talk, you let me cry and pour my heart out. that is a true friend and family. we all want to go with our kids and I hope soon  I can. I know we are in unbearable pain dolly, jane everyone .  we can cry together we can be here for eachother, I to am dieing inside, please lets help each other, it will take the rest of my life to get through this and I know for everyone else to. but  WE DO HAVE EACHOTHER  to help us.  you are all now my friends and my family,  we all share  something very very  heartbreaking, we do need eachother now more then ever.  hugs to you all love kim

Comment by Jane P on July 3, 2014 at 11:50am

I feel very "out of it" today.

I have no strength.

I feel drained and empty.

Thank you Michelle, Kim, Anne and Dolly. I keep reading what you said, over and over.

I have been feeling this way for a very long time. I know it's wrong but so is this pain. I have not had "feelings" for a long time. I don't "love" anyone anymore. When people talk to me, I don't remember what they say. Most times I don't even listen, I just pretend to. I have become very good at pretending when I have to. But not for long, I need to get back home. I want to be alone. I want to spend time "with Danielle". I don't want to go out, I don't answer the phone. I just lay on the couch watching tv. I have tried therapy, no luck. She told me she didn't feel she was qualified to help me and that I needed more intense therapy. I haven't tried again. I guess I knew I would have to do this on my own. I volunteer 2 days a week, I walk, I hike. At first it helped but now I find myself feeling like it is hopeless.

How else can I feel? My life was Danielle. She was with me for 25 years. The last seven years of her life we were together 24 hours a day. She was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer when she was 18. So she never left home. I was her only caregiver. She was young and very uncomfortable with strangers.

I miss her with every fibre in my body.

I guess I don't know how to go on.

Comment by anne on July 2, 2014 at 7:37pm

Dear Jane, Michelle, and Kim are so right. This is a very dark place to be, and we all feel like giving up at times. Yes it will always hurt, but we can't just think of ourselves. I know I want to just think of me, but I also know I can't do that. It's ok to feel the way you are feeling. It's ok to feel so desperate, but you will work through those feelings. We all will. You have already taken a good step by writing these feelings down. It is a fight. A fight that we will endure forever. Giving up won't bring your child back. Giving up doesn't insure that you will be with your child. Nobody knows what happens if you give up. Please don't take that chance. Let it out. Release the pain. Show your child how much you love her by surviving. We all know your pain. We here know your desperation, and we are here to help you in any way we can. I for one know your darkness all too well. I've lived it, twice. I promise the light will shine for you again. We care about you. I care about you. Crying is good, screaming, yelling, getting it out will help you. I can't even count on both hands, and both feet how many times I have wanted to give up, or have wished myself dead, but it solved nothing. I have also thought about how I could do myself in without hurting anyone, and it can't be done. Please listen to all of us here. We all need you. Much love to you.

Comment by kim on July 2, 2014 at 5:00pm

dear jane, I do know how you feel, I to lost my beautiful son on the 5 it will be 8 months. he is my only child. I know the unbearable pain you are in, I to cry everyday all day and night. I want so bad to be with him to. we need eachother, everyone here  can help us in time. everyone here knows the pain, we share. I think everyday about taking my own life and I will forever. my son shawn is my life. I have never met anyone here but I do love each and every one of you. what we all share is unbelieveable pain.  please give us a chance to be here for you. I to need everyone here to hear me, to understand me, WE ARE ALL FAMILY NOW no one will ever be as close to us as everyone in here. we are all in a very dark place and cant get out, so we do know what you are feeling. please talk to us,  I DO NEED YOU, and ill be here for you.    love and hugs  kim

Comment by Michelle H on July 2, 2014 at 4:34pm

Jane, I'm so sorry your pain has brought you to this point. I pray wh all my heart that you don't act on your desperation! It isn't the answer.

Comment by Jane P on July 2, 2014 at 4:27pm

Today is my 19th month without my child.

I'm not doing well. I have tried everything that I can to endure this life but nothing has worked. To put it simply, I have lost all desire to live. I have not wanted to live for a very long time. I think about ending my life all the time. I search for methods that will be successful. No one knows I am feeling this way. I worry about saying this for fear of upsetting any of you here who are already feeling so badly.

I miss Danielle so very much. She was the only person who made me feel truly loved. She was everything to me. Without her, I am nothing.

I ask God to forgive me. I ask him to take me. I am at my end. It's just too much. I don't have the strength for another day.

I am alone. I only want to be with my child. I cry all the time. My world is very dark.

And this is the hand I have been dealt, it's not going to change.

My life isn't going to get "better". I know that.

My heart goes out to each and everyone of you. I am so sorry you must bear this awful pain.

Comment by Vasanthi S on July 2, 2014 at 9:10am

Been hectic but you all are always with me. Thursday to Sunday out again this time for a retreat. I ache with the loss of my son, just that everything I do I just need him to be with me and share. or i need total oblivion.

Comment by Kar on July 1, 2014 at 9:29am

Love and strength to you all <3 <3 <3 

Comment by Michelle H on June 30, 2014 at 5:39pm

Lynn, what a wonderful way to celebrate Kyra's birthday! I hope you feel her with you!

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