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Comment by kim on July 24, 2014 at 10:15am

I ask why everyday, why he took my son and not me.  I don't want to live anymore, im to empty in side to lonely.  to take the only child I have and to leave me in such pain is so very wrong. I need to see shawns smile im finding it hard to remember his voice. everyone says remember the good times, but I cant, just that last day, with shawn it wont go away. soon it will be 9 months and it feels like yesterday and at times it like forever. I beg him every night for a sign and im not getting them anymore.  I have not had a dream in 9 months, I feel I have done something wrong, I have tried to stop crying all the time but I cant, I hurt so bad. I have prayed to god to let him come to my dreams, even though im so mad at god and I feel hes not here for me, he took my only child, my love of my life. how can I believe in him anymore. to know ill never have a mothers day, Christmas, easter or birthday, those special days with him, will never be again,  I have got rid of my tree and holiday things. there just another day now. why wont he take me to my son, why is he leaving me in such pain. why why why. and I never get answer. I hope and pray to be with him soon, I know my baby needs me as much as I need him. I just want my shawn back, I cant keep going in life. im to tired and to lost without shawn. I need to feel his love again, I want to die,  to much pain for a mother to handle.  

Comment by Lynn Williams on July 24, 2014 at 9:03am

Yesterday was difficult for me. I still have moments of disbelief that Kyra is gone from this earth. It still seems so hard to grasp. I get through each day but I can't fathom the rest of my life here without her. My other daughter took all of Her sisters belongings because she lives in Montana too. Every time I ask her to send me some of Kyra's tee shirts she punts. I really feel like I need some of her things but don't want to rock the boat with my other daughter. As the first anniversary of her death approaches I feel myself becoming more anxious and having more insomnia. Our children are our life and their absence is so hard to bear. I am so sorry for the loss of your children Ivis and Linda. Sending you hugs I know this is such a hard journey we are all on. Much love to everyone here and our children who have past. Today and tomorrow I have gardening clients so I will be able to dig in the earth which seems to help me the most with grief. I am reading a couple of good books on grief and they have been a support.  

Comment by Connie K on July 23, 2014 at 10:51am

That's how I feel too Linda. Sometimes I just can't let that thought in. It is just too hard to accept. It makes my heart flutter just to imagine hearing my Daniel's sweet voice and get that hug. Oh how can they be gone? Sometimes I feel I have made strides in dealing with it but then that wave hits me. I know how that feels first thing in the morning LR. Just hard to make sense out of why I'm here and how to love myself. So much regret. I am working on that but have so little energy. Love to you all.

Comment by Linda on July 23, 2014 at 8:34am

every day I miss my daughter so so much, but today is one of those days where I simply can't wrap my mind around the fact that I'll never see her again while I still live. that i'll never hear her voice again, that we'll never have another conversation good or bad.  it just isn't real.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on July 22, 2014 at 10:14pm

My son Jesse has been gone for a little over 21 months...Every day I wake up I am still in this living death...I have watched others as they have moved on but I am still stuck in the nightmare of a day of his death....his last moments torment me, I dodge through the streets of our town trying to outrun the reminders he is no longer with me physically. The faith I once had is gone...I know longer know or understand God, I have no life now, every day is a big pretense to make everyone else happy, or to pretend I am not as totally destroyed as I am. I pray every day to die before my eyes open and it is my nightly prayer as well...to join him. My son was exceptionally kind and caring and what did he get, ran over by some lowlife woman, who is now on the run, so who knows if we will even get a trial.  To never hear his voice or have his company again is more than I can bear. Not that I would actively seek to end my life but I will not be complaining if I found out I was terminal. This is my second child death...I have had a hard life...too many disappointments, but to take away my beloved son, in the manner of death he had is more than I can bear. My husband hides away each day after work in his room, he wanders my son's place crying...nobody understands this torment except if you lost a child, I even got to play a part in his death, I bought the damn motorcycle that killed him....how I hate myself....

Comment by Linda on July 22, 2014 at 6:28am

for all of us, we need to find our inner strength in order to find peace.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on July 22, 2014 at 12:51am

I hate that I found this site. Because I never woukd have had I not lost my son. I'm grateful for all of you though. I'm sorry we need each other and glad we have each other. This sucks. Don was the love of my life. 3 years lost August 17th.

Comment by kim on July 21, 2014 at 12:31pm

thank you linda,  but I stopped believing him when he took my life away

Comment by Linda on July 21, 2014 at 12:20pm

even though we cannot fully understand God's plan we must never lose sight of Him. He will give you the wings to fly or carry you if needed. Please try and keep the faith, it's actually gotten us this far if we think about it. I personally don't quite understand my daily strength but I do know that my daily prayer, one on one, has kept me sane.

Sending you a gentle hug Kim and all of us whose lost our most treasured children...

Comment by kim on July 21, 2014 at 11:43am

when we lose our child, I feel theres nothing more to live for, I cant move on, sometimes I find it hard to breathe. I hate when people say the  ( D )  word, my shawn just went away, to where he can heal. but  my heart will never heal. I feel empty, lost,and I know most of myself went with him. now I just wait to go to.i understand everyones unbearable pain,  being here with you people im not so alone anymore but I cant continue to live with such pain in my heart. I ask shawn everyday to heal and come back to me, if I don't think this way ill die. I want my baby back, I need him so much. my tears still flow  everyday and night. if there is a god please take me to my son please.   

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