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Comment by Teresa D. on July 26, 2014 at 9:47am

Adrienne & Lynn...HUGS!

Linda, LR, Kim & Jane Lynn is right we will get through this together.

It's okay to cry, we need to.

It's okay right now not to be okay.

HUGS to all!

Comment by Connie K on July 25, 2014 at 10:06pm

Sending you love and prayers Adrienne as you approach this horrific anniversary. I understand what you mean about guilt causing so much pain Linda. I know that it torments me as well. And I also know in my heart that my son forgives me for my shortcomings and knows how much I love him and tried to do the best for him. These are the really hard lessons we learn from this tragedy. How not to do what we regret - again. I think as parents, we are always quick to correct our children - that's natural. But now we look back and wish we could have done it all over just a little kinder with all the love we feel for them all the time. It's tough because I just want him back so much so I can show him I've changed and have learned. I can only have faith that he knows it.

Lynn - always thinking of you and Kyra. These "anniversaries" come up so fast and yet everyday seems like an eternity.

I am sorry for everyone's pain and hope you can all find some peace tonight. Thank you all for being here and sharing. Hang in there Kim. Just keep hanging in there please. (((  )))

Comment by Lynn Williams on July 25, 2014 at 7:18pm

Thinking of you Adrianne this is so hard. We both lost our children on August 17th. Sending hugs to Linda, LR, and Kim we will all survive and get through this together.

Comment by Linda on July 25, 2014 at 9:50am

I realize now that my deepest pain after losing my daughter Desiree' is my guilt. Guilt from not being more of a friend instead of just a mother. Even though she was 31 I reflect that I didn't appreciate her personal interests as a friend would, instead I would ridicule her telling her she spent too much grooming, which as a mother of 2 young children I felt she shouldn't have that much time on her hands. But you see...that's what she enjoyed. Making herself look as beautiful on the outside as I know she was on the inside. Yes, it's the guilt that I carry that hurts me the most. If only I knew there would not be time to make right what I now will never be able to tell her these things. That she was my best friend. That I'm sorry I was too much of an over bearing mother than a friend. These 4 months after losing her is an ever enduring journey of emotions.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on July 25, 2014 at 1:34am

Tomorrow (Friday) three years ago my close fiend woke to find her 22 year old son dead. It was just two years and two days after losing her 21 year old daughter. We all grieved with her. I gave up my home so she could stay in it for a few weeks. Another week passed and my son was gone. I never saw it coming. Tonight my heart hurts for us both. It's a tough night for her and the memories are literally making me ill. To go days without hearing or seeing our children is painful. To not know for certain they live on and in what form cripples the mind.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on July 24, 2014 at 2:39pm

Kim, I do identify with so much of what you wrote. I find myself staggering through the days...it is a hard journey.

 

From CS Lewis - A Grief Observed

"Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape."

Comment by kim on July 24, 2014 at 1:43pm

thank you my friends , for careing and being here for me, I just want so bad to be with shawn. this is way to hard  to live without my baby. and I really don't want to live without him.  no one should have this hurt , this unbearable pain.  the only journey I want is to go . I wish I was a stronger person, and I use to be, but its  to dark here in my heart now. thank you hugs and much love to you all.            kim

Comment by Michelle H on July 24, 2014 at 11:39am

Kim, I'm so sad for your unimaginable pain. I have learned on this journey that family and friends don't comprehend our pain...and they can't and won't. Please lean on us, because we DO know the nightmare you're living. Sending prayers (even though you're mad at God) and hugs.

Comment by kim on July 24, 2014 at 11:21am

thank you linda, but nothing seems to help anymore. I cant see a light at the end of this very dark hole im in. im so sorry  for your loss to, being our only child I just want to go to. this pain will never go away, the loneliness, emptiness will be here forever. I don't want to go on without him, I cant see life without him either. I watch people , my sisters with there familys, there life has gone on, I feel how dare you live on,  how dare you laugh and be happy, when I only cry all the time. they talk about there daughters and when I talk about shawn the chance  back to there kids. I want to kill them. I am the only one that has a son, my 2 sisters each have 2 daughters. but there not seeing my pain, they say I cry to much,  and I should go out but I cant.  they don't cry with me, im starting to hate them.  my faith has gone, I don't know if ill ever get it back. when my mom went I hated god for a long time, but to take away my son, its  far more then hate.   how can I go on, shawns my world, my love my life. hes 41 now, always my baby.  so young so beautiful.  thank you linda  love and hugs to you    kim

Comment by Linda on July 24, 2014 at 10:47am

when I fear i'm forgetting my Desiree's voice I focus on only one expression unique to her and remember when she said it. that helps me to recall her voice, her smile, or maybe even her anger. no matter what it is it is her. I know you don't want to hear "stay strong" but do try Kim. as a mother that lost her only child of 31 years I truly respect your pain but you must try Kim. only then can any of us begin to heal and heal we must till it is OUR time. I cry with you Kim. I also pray for all of us in this most horrid of unfortunate circumstances. Prior to losing my Desiree' my faith was minimal if that. But without the faith of God I could only imagine what I may have done either to myself or with myself.  My strongest hug to you Kim.

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