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Comment by Connie K on August 20, 2014 at 12:00pm

It is so hurtful that those people who you love and thought loved you can say such cold things so matter-of-factly.  Like Teresa said, cry as much as you want to and don't worry about what anyone thinks. Rachelle - I can't BELIEVE someone said you are acting silly!!! Wow, I am sorry. After 19 months, I have found ways to cope better and some days I can get through with some normalcy but time seems to have stood still.  As people go on with their lives, never mentioning my son or for that matter not even asking how I am doing it really blows my mind.

It does make you feel so lonely. I will go out with some friends and hear all about what they are doing, what their kids are doing on and on. And I am genuinely glad to listen, even while feeling a little envy. But they never even ask what I'm doing or how I am doing. I guess they are scared to bring it up. I don't know. I just know that it hurts, multiplies my pain. I am proud of all of you here because you are all dealing with your loss in amazing ways even if it doesn't feel like it. Who else can I tell everything about how I feel to? I get up and cry and cry as I write this because I know you understand. If I go out and do this, people think I'm nuts or just unable to cope. I'm neither. I cope really well considering most the time I want to curl up and die. But they don't know how that feels or how hard it is just to get through our daily lives. One thing I have learned from  them is how to be more compassionate and how NOT to treat those who are grief. Love and prayers to all of you. I'm going to try to get myself together and go out into the world. Thanks for being here.

Comment by kim on August 20, 2014 at 11:26am

linda yes she will give you a sign, I have had them from my son. I know hes telling me hes here with me,  first it was his smell, then a light touch on my arm, I felt him sit on my bed to.  I know he will never leave me. you ae getting signs, hugs  kim

Comment by Linda on August 20, 2014 at 11:12am

I walk around the house my daughter shared with me talking to her. I even find myself asking her to show me a sign that she's with me asking myself is it possible, can she possibly show me a tangible sign and if she did what would that mean. I pray everyday for healing but at the same time i'm afraid that to do so would be to accept the fact that she really is gone.... 

Comment by kim on August 20, 2014 at 10:29am

I thought if I was busy it would help alittle, boy was I wrong,  I made mini peach pies, as I was making them I thought  my shawn would say thanks mom ill take those home.  no matter what I do I cry,i keep telling my self he will come home to me. its just taking way to long. I wish so much my heart would stop beating, I want to go with him, hug him, kiss him.  my son my love of my life forever .

Comment by Michelle H on August 20, 2014 at 10:12am

It's so sad that many of us have experienced friends pulling away from us or family acting like nothing has changed. In reality, EVERYTHING is different for us and always will be. This is not something to "get over."

Comment by Teresa D. on August 20, 2014 at 5:47am

Rachel, Cry, act silly do what you need to do because your NOT crazy! Your grieving!  Next month will be 2 years since my Michael left and I still cry every day and I won't stop until I can.  I don't care who likes it and who don't.  Yes I'm angry. I'm angry at these damn people who just don't give us the room or seriously believe the advise they give will be the advise they would follow if it was them. It's not them but they try to tell us how to be.  Ignore them Rachel. don't allow their ignorant comments to get to you.  I'm sorry
Rachel we are all in a new world that none of us want to be in. I don't think people get that everything changes for us.  But Rachel I'd gladly be your new friend and I'd gladly listen to any story you have to tell even if you keep repeating it.

Comment by Rachel on August 20, 2014 at 2:24am

Another sleepless night. I still can't believe my child is gone. And I still can't have a good cry for her. In my mind I just feel she's at her home in San Antonio (3 hours away from my home town). What's wrong with me??? It's so hard being here in my home alone. I have no one to lean on. My friends are becoming more and more distant. They think I'm crazy. One even told me I was acting silly. And I needed to accept it and move on. Like its that simple???? I was so hurt. (If they only knew!!!!!). If they only knew what WE are ALL going through. I feel so very much ALONE.

Comment by kim on August 18, 2014 at 4:29pm

linda, I know what you mean, and the pain you are in, loseing my shawn has killed me. to go with him is my dream.it will never get easier ever for me.  ill never  be happy again, ill never stop crying for my only child my son. my heart is so broken it will never heal.  hugs  kim

Comment by Linda on August 18, 2014 at 1:02pm

it's so very hard going through the everyday mundane motions of life. I continue to tell myself the healing begins within me but that's so much easier said than done. everytime I think i'm doing better the reality that I will never have my daughter back again is all too consuming. she was my only child, my true reason for loving life...

Comment by Rachel on August 18, 2014 at 3:48am

Rachel
How? Why? Why? Why? How am I suppose to get thru this? I hurt so much. I'm so scared to let go. I'm so scared to give into believe she is really gone.. My daughters best friend's wedding is quickly approaching. She was suppose to be her maid of honor. All it does is remind me how she will not be here for that day. Nor will I ever experience the joy of her wedding day. It's not fair. She was my only baby. My only child. She was to young. All of our children were to young to die. It's not fair!!!! It's not fair!!!! Please, please someone help me to understand.

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