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Comment by Teresa D. on September 12, 2014 at 7:24am

I'm not sure what I am experiencing.  I seem to have fallen silent.  I just don't know what else to say nor do I feel as though I have words of wisdom for anyone.

Sunday will be 2 years since my Michael left.  His dog passed away yesterday.  My ex- husband has been taking care of him and called me crying.  I know he feels like he is losing a part of Michael. I am telling myself he called his dog and he went. 

I have a cabinet full of Michael's stuff and for the past few days every time I go in the room where it is located I think I smell death.  It is so strong that I just can't go in that room right now.  I know it is in my head but the smell is so strong. 

My daughter is coming to spend a few days with me.  I can't wait until she gets here so she can distract me. 

HUGS and prayers to all.  I wish I had more to offer.

Comment by Michelle H on September 10, 2014 at 2:00pm

Sometimes I will get a chat message from someone when I'm away from the computer. I leave this page up all the time so that it's easy to access. I apologize to all who have messaged me and it seemed as though I was ignoring them. The best way to reach me is by an email message on this site. Thanks and God bless everyone.

Comment by Lynn Williams on September 8, 2014 at 5:23pm

Rachael,  I am sorry your sister made such inappropriate comments when you are just trying to cope with your devastating loss. We so expect and want our family to get what we are going through, but they don't. I guess they just want us to be like we were before, but I don't think we ever will be.  I too have been having a rough couple of weeks and its been a year since my daughter died.  I just need reassurance that she is safe and happy.  I just got an invitation to the University of Montana's annual college to farm local food festival which is now dedicated to my daughter Kyra. She started the program for them when she first went to Montana. There was an insert with her picture and a bio about her, and I can't stop crying. It is such an honor but the pain of her death becomes so intense again. I wish I could be there for the event, but it's to far from Vermont. I am hoping her sister can attend.  Last night I was reading in bed around 11:00 when the radio on my alarm clock blasted on. I have not touched it in months and when I tried turning it off it wouldn't shut off. I had to pull the plug out of the outlet to turn it off. I am sure it was Kyra assuring me she is okay. Much love and hugs to everyone on this site. We are here to support and comfort each other, like no one else can. Lynn 

Comment by Jane P on September 8, 2014 at 3:50pm

https://www.facebook.com/help/contact/228813257197480

Chelle

I too had to remove my daughter's facebook page. The address above is how I removed it. However, I did have to send the request twice before they took it down and they were very slow in acting but eventually they did remove it.

Comment by Connie K on September 8, 2014 at 11:58am

Dera Rachel I'm so sorry your sister hurt you, People simply cannot begin to fathom the pain and loss you experience when you lose a child. Nothing replaces them or takes away the pain. And it hurts when those we love are going on with their lives as if nothing happened and seem to expect us also. You should tell your sis that you are certainly not up to "finding a man" at this point and just need to have space and time to grieve in your own way. And that what you really need is the love and support of your family and friends. Everyone seems to want to be able to "fix" things and I do understand that. But I also understand that they cannot know our grief. Hold on to your faith. God is all we have and is always with us, waiting patiently. And it's okay to be mad at him/her and scream and let all of your feelings out. He knows how you feel anyway. Meditating individually and with others helps bring me back to some kind of balance. I wish I could give you a real hug also. Zell I like what you said  "grace enough to endure". So true - that is what we need. Love to all

Comment by kim on September 8, 2014 at 10:00am

Rachel, im so sorry your sister said that, my sister has been saying thing that have hurt me bad. she has made me cry a lot. I now tell her to back off.  I feel the same way you so, I find im feeling very alone to. I know my husband is here to help me but its not the same, I need my son so bad.  you do need to tell her to stop. no one seems to understand like we do in here. yes we are each others family, forever.  I stop believeing in god after he took my baby away.  I pray to shawn every night. please know im here for you always, we all cry together every day. our unbearable pain will never go away.  love and hugs to you hun.   kim

Comment by Rachel on September 8, 2014 at 9:36am

The other night I reached out to my sister and the response I got from her was not what I was expecting.  Quote, "Hey Rachel,
I just thought of something. U do not even have a husband to lean on. So go get busy and find U a MAN. cute adorable strong and loving. That is ur assignment.  Go get. Go on now!!!!!"
I can't tell you how incredibly HURT I felt afterwards.
I sank more into a depression afterward.  I have just been crying and crying. Despite that I may feel God abandoned me. I know in my heart He's been here with me.  I have begun to start praying again.  I felt my faith was leaving me but I'm trying to find my faith in God.  Right now He is all I have left.  Please pray for me.  Please, friends keep me in your prayers.  I have never felt more alone, hurt, broken or so lonely then I do now.  I would give anything for a real true hug.  Thank you "Friends" or rather "My new Family".  Love to all, Rachel :(

Comment by kim on September 6, 2014 at 6:23am

Karen, wow that song, it was so beautiful I sat here crying my eyes out. its like its just for us. wish I had it here. thank you so much   kim

Comment by Kar on September 5, 2014 at 9:45pm

This song says it all .... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXzRwqvrmDg

Comment by Kar on September 5, 2014 at 9:40pm

Hello Everyone... sending you all so much love,  understanding & hugs...  Here we are understood... here... we are not judged... here we can say it like it truly is... here we can take off the mask that we must wear to go out in this world... here we have each over...   here is where we understand what is like to wish to never wake up but, know we must for our loved ones.     I send you all a tight tight understanding HUGs -  I cry with each one of you & our Children that died too young...  LOVE & STRENGTH TO US ALL .............

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