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Comment by Connie K on November 6, 2014 at 10:50am

Yes Vasanthi I feel the same way about trying to put my life to good use. But I'm floundering around. I wish I knew what I should be doing. I keep waiting for a sign, something to guide me to something that will help my heart heal. I thought singing again would be it. But I am filled with anxiety when I have to perform altho I love it once I do. Just don't have the energy to make that my job again. Love to all

Comment by Vasanthi S on November 6, 2014 at 10:40am

Kim, it must have been very hard and nothing can be said except that by sharing our pain it becomes more manageable. I come here sometimes very sad, sometimes lost and then draw great strength from all the courageous friends here. It makes it somehow bearable to know I am not alone with this awful pain. I pray that all of you here who touched my life by offering so much of yourselves are forever blessed in this journey of life and beyond. I pray with all my heart that this which we are going through will open a door to being. 

I am still very disheartened by my own grief and oftentimes feel that I if I can put my life to some use that will be like medicine as finally then I can forget myself. Not putting my thoughts down well and just want to say love to u all.

Comment by kim on November 6, 2014 at 7:30am

I want to thank all of you for the kind thoughts and knowing you are here for me. yesterday brought back everything, my tears could not stop. it just cant be a year, its like yesterday for me. at times it hurt so bad to breathe, my heart was so heavy and dark. when I went to see shawn like I do everyday I dropped to my knees and cryed so hard, I just want so much to hold him, to tell him im coming.  reading all your e mails and knowing you are my family now helped me, what I would give to meet you all and wrap my arms around you.  we are all in unbearable pain and understand each other, with out you I just could not go on,  I still pray each night to go with shawn,  but I know in here I can talk about my pain, I hope I can be here for you as you have been here for me. myself and my husband thank you all so much.  love and hugs to everyone.   and thank you    kim

Comment by kim on November 5, 2014 at 7:09am

thank you , my tears are falling hard,  you are all my family and  I love you all,  hugs  to everyone, its going to be a very long painfull day,  and I know you will be here for me, thank you again     love  kim

Comment by Teresa D. on November 5, 2014 at 5:27am

Kim, my heart is with you. 

Comment by Lynn Williams on November 4, 2014 at 8:35pm

Kim thinking of you and Shawn tonight. I will say a prayer for Shawn tomorrow night. The first anniversary of our child's  passing leaves us in the confused state of disbelieve and yet knowing they are physically gone. Take care of yourself tomorrow and let the emotions come and go. Your son loves you and will be with you tomorrow to help you get through the day. Much love to you and your husband. Vasanthi I am happy you had a good trip visiting your loved ones and spending time in the apartment you and your beautiful son shared. It is so hard to travel from one life we shared with our loved one with our new life in a new place.  Your son will always travel with you wherever you go. Connie much love to you with the ongoing struggles of Daniels accident. You are strong and Daniel will guide you through it all. I hope your musical performance on Saturday is a success and brings you joy. The falling of the leaves here and the time change brings feelings of sadness for us. I am so glad I have all of you to help me get through the holiday season. Love to everyone here.

Comment by Michelle H on November 4, 2014 at 4:37pm

Kim, I can't believe it's a year already. I remember when you were "new" here. It's all so weird, this trying to adjust to our changed lives. I remember being  "new" as if it were yesterday.

This is a difficult month for me, too, as November 22nd (which was Thanksgiving in 2012) marks the two year anniversary, not of Chris' death, but of the last time I ever laid eyes on him. He and his wife came to my home for Thanksgiving that year (they lived several hours' drive away) and it was such a nice "reunion" of my little family. He died unexpectedly the following March and I never got to see him to say goodbye. All I got to view was a sack of ashes. I think all that makes it very hard for me to understand that he's really gone.

Vasanthi, I'm glad you're safely back home. I'm sorry that you're having a difficult time. It must be especially hard to have had to say goodbye once again to the places that were filled with memories of Micks.

Comment by Vasanthi S on November 4, 2014 at 4:08pm

Kim , am with u and will be praying for you. Thank you Connie.

Dick please try to let go of the guilt and pain, we have all made blunders and mistakes and our children will understand it as being human... How bad it feels to be unable to undo anything isnt' it? hugsss to all

Comment by kim on November 4, 2014 at 2:49pm

connie and zell I want to thank you with all my heart for the love you have givin me. yes tomorrow  will be awful for me. omg one year and its still like yesterday. oh god I wish I was with him, I need my son my baby. to hear his voice to hold him again and please to hear  MOM  again, I can hardly see the keys any more  my eyes hurt and my tears burn running down my face. how will I get through this. please oh please take me to my son my shawn, the love of my life, it hurts so bad.  thank you my friends love and hugs   kim

Comment by Connie K on November 4, 2014 at 2:41pm

Kim - I will be sending love and prayers to you as you go through tomorrow and will light a candle for Shawn beside Dainel's tomorrow night. You are not alone.

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