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Comment by Rj on April 4, 2015 at 12:00pm

People are starting to say replace the pain with the good memories but i am just not there. My God if i could do that i would! I have so many good memories but it doesnt make me feel even the least bit better. I know a day may come when yes, I will be able to smile when i think of him but it is not now, not today!

Comment by Sharon on April 4, 2015 at 11:36am

I take Xanax at night too, or I wouldn't sleep. I'm glad the Zoloft is working for you. I'm just such an anxious person anyway, that I'm afraid to take any new medication. I take a 5HTP from Costco, which is sort of a serotonin replacement. I do feel some relief from it.  I'm just such an anxious person anyway, that I would probably worry about side effects... which would cause them to happen you know?  Yes, stay on the meds as long as you need them.  I saw my general doctor yesterday and he said that my Xanax is such a low dose that there is no risk of addiction.  We need to do what we need to do to survive these first horrid months.  I too wish we could fast forward to a day without tears...

Comment by Connie K on April 4, 2015 at 11:35am

Sharon - I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. My heart goes out to you and everyone here. Such a hard journey we're on....

I had two dreams this week about my son. In both he was around 10. I love seeing him but I hate waking up

Comment by Rj on April 4, 2015 at 11:16am

Yes it is! If we weren't sad i don't think that would be normal. Its just dealing with it every second of the day. I wish we could fast forward to the day when at least the pain wasn't so great. Never forget or get over but at least to be able to function. I wish we were closer, i think we could teally help each other. I have to say the zoloft has helped somewhat. It doesnt make me tired or a zombie, its helping get my chemical, brain balanced back out. I am on a low dose, 50 mg because i dont want to be over medicated. I tried 75 mg and it gave me the jitters too much. The 50 is a good level for me. Plus i take a xanax in the evening, the worst time for me and my thoughts. I knew this was too big for me to handle without the medication. It does take about 3 weeks to notice some level of change. I plan to stay on it as long as i need to!

Comment by Sharon on April 4, 2015 at 10:43am

Thank you Kim, thank you Rj. I feel like my barely healing wounds are being ripped open again. I wish we were close by each other so that we could meet and cry together and hug each other. We are still so sad. Maybe I do need to take the antidepressant. Not sure if it will help. I feel like nothing will take away the grief. I'm not depressed... I'm sad. Isn't that normal?

Comment by Rj on April 4, 2015 at 10:09am

Kim, how are you doing...i know you lost shawn in November. Has time lessened the pain at all?? Larry has only been gone 2 months and im still dying every day.

Comment by kim on April 4, 2015 at 9:45am

Sharon,  hun im so very sorry. please know im here for you. love and hugs  kim

Comment by Rj on April 4, 2015 at 9:17am

Oh dear sharon....i wish i could just hug you right now.i am so sorry

Comment by Sharon on April 3, 2015 at 10:46pm

On top of my sons death in February, my dad died last night. Life really sucks for me right now

Comment by Eva Van on April 3, 2015 at 6:55pm

I couldn't bear the first anniversary of her death. I avoided it actually. I hate this...I do not want to remember this date !!! I DON'T WANT HER TO BE ...gone...

Such sadness, such pain. I can find no value in it, no purpose. Where is the strength promised ?! Where is the light at the end of this tunnel ??! This is a black hole which sucks out and extinguishes light. 

I don't want her to be gone...I don't want to be me

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