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Comment by Sandy Hendrix on April 22, 2015 at 3:02pm

Hey Dolly, I think that's really rude of him to say your grief is "self pity" after what we have all been through, yea I feel sorry for myself, I feel sorry for all of us with the pain and loss we are experiencing, nobody knows but us.  hugs...

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on April 22, 2015 at 2:59pm

Gale that is great that you reached out to her. We all have to try and help each other as much as we are able.  Sharon I agree, part of me died also and the broken heart almost takes us over sometimes it hurts so bad, we all feel the same in this horrible club we belong too. x0

Comment by Sharon on April 21, 2015 at 2:57pm

Before my son died, I would've never believed that there truly was such a thing as a broken heart.  I know now that it really does exist.  The pain that I feel in my heart is so intense.  I miss him so much. When he died, part of me died with him.

Comment by Jane P on April 20, 2015 at 3:07pm

Bless you Gale.

It worked for both of you.

I too, am glad to hear that.

Comment by Rj on April 20, 2015 at 6:44am

I am so glad to hear that Gale, i have to believe there is still some purpose for us while we are here. I hope i csn help someone some day as well. Of course message me anytime my friend. :)

Comment by Gale Brunault on April 19, 2015 at 9:12pm

Rj I met a woman today who just lost her son about 5 weeks ago.  I was asked by my therapist if I would reach out to her since we both live in the same area.  It was difficult yet I felt strong speaking with her.  I was actually able to see that I've made some progress in my own grief.  NEVER would I want to go back to the beginning when it first happened, yet there are so many who are in that horrible place of initial grief.  It was helpful for both of us and we plan on meeting again.  My heart really went out to her - I know where she's coming from and what she has to go through.  It's all so sad and heartbreaking.  Rj is it alright if I message you?  Hugs and peace 

Comment by Dolly on April 19, 2015 at 9:49am

DANG.. I think Sheri has disappeared.. I hope I didn't cause that by coming down on that old saying about the suicidal being selfish and all.. its just that I hate to hear that said.. it just reinforces the suicidal person's conviction that they really ARE worthless and better off dead.. and who does it help ? Nobody really knows how God handles suicide.. or any sin really.... could he possibly forgive a mass murderer who repents and not a poor destroyed person who commits suicide? That doesn't seem like the God of love to me.. but then I am no Bible scholar.. anyway I'm sad if I chased her off... I do have a big mouth ...

Comment by Dolly on April 19, 2015 at 9:38am

It seems so natural to talk to Brandon.. I'm not trying to get him to do anything for me.. I forgot that the pastor didn't call it talking to the dead.. he called it praying to the dead.. I asked him if there is a difference.. and asked him who are the dead... our loved ones are still alive.. but he didn't answer anything about that... it seems like one of the few comforts I have.. talking to and about Brandon .. can only happen in HERE with any understanding from others.. thank GOD for this place and all of you dear ones who know exactly how I feel and never seem to clobber me ... we don't always all agree about everything but at least we try to understand and be kind... the world out there mostly doesn't...

Comment by Dolly on April 19, 2015 at 9:34am

Strangely enough I think he has lost a child himself... maybe he hasn't been able to resolve his own grief issues.. It just smacked me hard about the 'self pity'... and also he told me I should join the group for 'depression and anxiety' which was mainly dealing with clinical depression as far as I could see..I told him I don't think I'm clinically depressed.. I think my depression or sadness as I call it is not a mental illness.. its a real emotional state brought on by real events that have shattered my life and I will never be able to get PAST it.. or THROUGH it... I will hopefullly be able to find some peace and learn to be happy somehow with my life, but never will I get OVER losing my son.. I think maybe he had a rethink after that because he emailed me not to worry about the 'self pity' comment anymore.. but then went on to warn me about the 'talking to the dead' thing...

Comment by Lynn Williams on April 19, 2015 at 9:10am

Dolly that is awful and cruel.  Brandon was there comforting you with the fragrance of the lillies. There are no demons, just narrow-minded fearful humans like the online pastor you talked to. Grief is in no way self-pity. I am so sorry and angry that you were told what you are feeling is wrong and to move on. This pastor sounds like a charlatan.  Much love and kindness to everyone here.

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