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Comment by Connie K on July 19, 2015 at 11:34pm

Do that Dolly. These signs are real and it's time we give the them their do respect. Believe and accept that our children live on. It sucks that they are not here but they still live on somewhere, and someday we will be reunited. Until then, these signs are are "mail" from them. I have  had so many messages from my son. How can I ever  pretend they aren't real when they are the only thing that makes me feel like ANYTHING is real?

 Soon I will  be able to post my song that I feel was guided by my son and  I feel like it is something I can still do something with him. These signs are real. They are all that is real to me anymore. It is so hard to live in the world as it was.

I had a very interesting experience with feathers recently. When I was at my retreat, we went for a hike in the Sequoia National Forest. i found a feather as we walked and I heard a message that said "This is Laurie's feather" She was our guide. I said "here Laurie - this feather is for you" She told me later that this exact feather had been given to her the week before on the same hike and she had lost it. Her mother had passed 3 year ago and this was her sign that her mother was watching over her. She said"You know about my thing with feathers right?" No. I didn't. But I heard that this feather was for her - not me. I went on to hear the lyrics to my song ... now the wind is blowin' like whispers of the angels.... and was able to finish my song. I will post it soon but I am so tangled up in this grief I can hardly deal with any of this..... You, my friends are the only ones who will truly get it. Listen closely, pay attention to all of those signs that you may think "that's weird". It's not weird. It is truth. Hugs to you all.

Comment by Dolly on July 19, 2015 at 7:59pm

I was just sending a message to a friend who lost her dad a while back and she keeps finding feathers all over the place.. I asked her the following question and then thought I wanted to share it in here for maybe an idea for us too... what do you think?  here is the question I asked her about the feathers...

"do you make the feathers into anything? like maybe a mobile with bells or chimes ? I think it would be wonderful to do that and hang it in the window... maybe with crystals too so little rainbows would sprinkle over the room as the feathers flew about and the little chimes sang... like when the chimes sounded it would be like a little hello from heaven each time.... all things are possible with God so why NOT??"

Then I thought some more and decided to send her THIS message.. and then decided to send it to you too...

"I think I'm going to make something like that to hang in my own window.. I don't find feathers about... not YET anyway... but I think I'll start looking around and thinking about what I could put into a little hanging for my window.. things that would remind me of Brandon and others I have lost... and some pretty bling to make it sparkle and catch the sunlight and the moonlight and the light from heaven... yep I'm going to do that..."

Comment by Dolly on July 19, 2015 at 10:33am

also I had the special treat of meeting one of my online friends face to face while at my oldest son's house in MA.. we had a precious time sharing with each other... I only wish we lived closer together... if only..

Comment by Dolly on July 19, 2015 at 10:30am

I wanted to thank everyone for the birthday wishes.. I just now saw them because I had trouble getting into my places on the internet when I was away from home and had to use another computer.. it just gave me such a fit to get into any sites.. but now I'm home and I thank you so much for remembering me and Bo... my grandson spend a bunch of time playing with Bo and his toys when Bo was resting in bed.. he has to change positions from his wheelchair to his bed and back several times a day and tends to get bored unless someone plays with him when he is in bed.. one of the things my grandson did was take selfies of them both.. I'm attaching one... my granddaughter also spent time with Bo and made him a special Red Sox blanket.. both kids watched TV shows they don't usually watch .. ones that Bo loves.. it was a wonderful time for Bo... my oldest son played Brandon's favorite radio station for him too... the one that Brandon shared with him over the radio in South Carolina the morning my son went to pick up Brandon's ashes... a jazz station out of the university... so like Brandon... we all miss him horribly but we KNOW he is alive and well and happy somewhere 'out there' .. and he keeps letting us know it... or God does.. no matter what or who is letting us know that all is well with Brandon it makes no difference to me.. I just feel like we are all a little bit in heaven now ... because a little bit of heaven is melting into our lives every day... more and more and more until the day we go there TOO... what a happy day that will be when we are ALL THERE TOGETHER again... we miss you sweet Brandon

Comment by Rj on July 14, 2015 at 8:09pm

You may just be right maybe reality is only setting in, oh how painful it is. I feel as i aM drifting away, i dont have much to contribute to family, friends , life. I get up and show up for work....my life is like the movie groundhog day, every day i wake up is the same, its lonely, its empty. My light is so dim

Comment by Sharon Robertson on July 14, 2015 at 7:57pm

Losing a child is in the wrong order of things, and yes I feel the same as you Rj .... the further she gets into the past, the longing for her gets harder.... I think its because we don't accept their death as reality when it happens (kinda like a protection mode)... but slowly reality creeps in a little bit at a time... and our disbelief of what has happened slowly very slowly becomes a painful acceptance.

I remember sitting at the hospital with my (4yr old at the time) waiting for us to be transfered to another hospital I suddenly realised that night was turning to early morning light.

I went into a panic attack about it ..." WHAT .... No No No .....Stop it's not allowed to be another day ..... don't you know what's happened ... I don't want my daughter to be in the past"

This ruthless creeping monster called "reality" oh how I hate you

Comment by Rj on July 14, 2015 at 4:38pm

Yes sharon, i feel the same way just getting thru the day is all i got. Seems like i go to bed dreading another day ahead. No way to live but that is our life, perhaps someday a sense of joy will seep thru the painful cracks

Comment by Rj on July 14, 2015 at 4:29pm

Approaching 6 months of losng my son. I feel the days are getting harder, the sadness and anguish getting deeper

Comment by Sharon Robertson on July 14, 2015 at 4:27pm

crying with groans so deep it hurts ....only to take a short breath and groan some more. I have done this for about a year ..  something triggered it again, and I cried so deep it felt like my breath was taken away.

Does anyone else feel like this at times ? also tears fall and I don't even know I'm crying till I feel the tears.

I'm just trying to live today... not tomorrow .... not yesterday .... just today cause it seems that this is all I have the strength to do.

Comment by Jane P on July 14, 2015 at 10:35am

Thinking of all of us today.

We've been dealt a serious blow.

And now we have to figure out how to get through each day.

One day at a time.........

xxoo

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