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Comment by Dolly on July 21, 2015 at 11:19pm

the pain doesn't go away... but somehow now I feel closer to Brandon than at first... some new kind of closeness that goes beyond any words I can find... maybe its a spiritual closeness... its tangible in an intangible way if that makes any sense... its something I can't physically feel but I can feel in a more total completeness unlike anything else I ever felt... its a closeness or a presence I have only felt with those I love who have died, and has been most obvious and pervasive with Brandon...  it goes beyond 'signs'.. its an ever present kind of thing... it gets stronger... but there are always those days and parts of every day that swoop in on me with that overwhelming reality that the physical presence of my beloved ones will never be again in this world... and it always tears me apart

Comment by Sharon on July 21, 2015 at 10:50pm

((((Rj)))). I know how you feel. I struggle every day too. Life has no joy or meaning right now. Missing gets harder. We are both at the 6 month mark. When will the pain stop?..

Comment by Dolly on July 21, 2015 at 7:06pm

I can't wait to hear the song Connie.... we can sing and play it along with heaven.. I really believe that... so many times music has been the sign between Brandon and us since he died.. in so many different ways.. its like music is a bridge between us on some plane we don't really understand and that many not only deny but scoff at... let them deny it and scoff.. it is real... and I think there are other connections between life in heaven and life here.... like light... things that involve light and electrical things.. some how the energy between the different realms can connect in ways science has no proof of as far as we know.. but science is ever evolving, and ever discovering new 'truths' so just because it isn't something commonly accepted or already 'proven' by science, doesn't mean it isn't real and doesn't exist... I hold on tight to every bit of evidence that my son lives on someplace where I will join him one day... God willing... and even for those who don't believe in God, I believe truth will show us all the way to the ultimate Truth one day... whatever we call it or think it is.. we will find it and our loved ones will be there...

Comment by Rj on July 21, 2015 at 6:25pm

If i did not have my cat dog and parents, i would already be with my son

Comment by Rj on July 21, 2015 at 5:56pm

It is so very lonesome. Will be 6 months on the 1st. I feel absolutely no change if anything i feel the loss even more. I agree...death will be the only reliever for this type of pain. I dont care to say it because that is how i feel.

Comment by Sharon on July 21, 2015 at 4:53pm

Happy birthday to your dear daughter in heaven. She's the same age as my son Troy. Sharon, Teresa, We so miss our children. We will never stop missing them. They are part of us. As mothers we are supposed to care for our children, do things for them. It's so lonesome.

Comment by Sharon Robertson on July 21, 2015 at 4:05pm

Happy birthday my beautiful girl... wish you were here to have a coffee with me.... you would have been 24 today xxxxxxxxx

Can stop crying today ....man life sucks .... please pray for me cause I think death would be much better than life ...... the further away she is more of the reality sets in and I don't want it ... I dont want her to be in the past I want her to be "here and now"

Comment by Teresa D. on July 21, 2015 at 5:54am

September it will be 3 years.  I never experienced a panic attack until this past week. I experience 2 of them.  Didn't know what was happening until I mentioned it to a good friend who recognized it.

It was a little scary. One of them I had to pull to the side of the road and let it pass.  So much is changing.  I never thought that would be something I would experience.

I'm trying to "stay in the day" and not focus so much on September but it is really hard.  My mind just can't wrap around that I have been living without my Michael this long. 

I have been telling myself day after day "I can't do this" but day after day I do it. 

THIS SUCKS!

Comment by Ammy on July 20, 2015 at 12:33pm

Dolly, I feel happiness in your message and that is so good.  I am so happy you had a good visit this year and your grandson is adorable.

Comment by Ammy on July 20, 2015 at 12:31pm

Connie, I am so happy for you that your song is coming together.  Maybe you needed that retreat to finish.

Wishing/hoping everyone's week is a little gentler and kinder.  Hugs.

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