Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on June 15, 2016 at 6:26am

Hi Ted,

So sorry for your losses. I lost my Husband three years ago and still feel the pain. I adopted a beautiful little shih tsz who gives me unconditonal love, I don't know what I'd do if I lose her too, She is 12 years old but luckily still in good health. I am sick and tired of also "hearing it is what is". Life sucks.

Permalink Reply by kathleen akin on June 16, 2016 at 10:55am

I too lost my husband a couple of months ago. Almost 3 month now..

I know what you mean. I wish I had my kids around, they always made everything, I don't know, worth trying for. But they live a away and I see them maybe 3 or 4 times in a year. So alone now for the first time in my life. Just Rocky's dog (who is old) and my birds (who I don't have the motivation for anymore)

It is strange though, that feeling of emptiness inside. Like there is no heart in there beating any more. Just nothing. I hate that. Then the crying, which to me seems to at least help some. Just let it all out. Even if you feel like you've never cried so much and probably have nothing left, then are surprised when you do have more tears left!

Rocky died of liver cancer. he was in a coma at the end, which in a way was a blessing,,I think.  What went through his mind before that when Hospice showed up and the bed is in the living room and he knew he was going to die soon? I cannot even imagine and I worry about it. Was he sad? Scared? He never said a word of complaint. And the body just start to shut down a little every day until the coma set in and I think he was better off then. But I wasn't. I wasn't done talking to him about all this. So I felt like I was punched in the gut also. I know exactly what you mean.

So sorry for your loss. You don't have to say "it is what it is" you don't have to say anything. You probably did nothing wrong to deserve any of this. I didn't either, but like you I feel like I must have, at some point really screwed up bad and now look at my life. I would be better off if I could have just gone with him.

Permalink Reply by Donna Doucette on June 16, 2016 at 4:12pm

Hello Ted,

I'm so sorry you had to go thru losing your wife then another family member so close.  Pets are part of the family.  I lost my husband 1 1/2 years ago.  He was also very ill for a long time.  I used to think the only way I could be happy was to be with him.  I know I will one day, that's what keeps me going.  I relive daily about how sick he was and how he slowly lost his ability to walk, and he lost vision in his left eye. He had liver disease as well as brain tumors.  He suffered so much I was relieved when he passed, then the guilt I felt for feeling relieved.   Now, I'm trying to go forward, we were married 27 years so life is so different, still trying to get used to the new "normal".  I do believe in the power of prayer and the knowing God is taking care of all we lost.  I'm trying to focus now on getting our one and only child thru college and hopefully her wedding and grandchildren.  I'm trying to stay positive because that's what he wanted.  I know...easier said then done.   

Permalink Reply by Alex wilson on July 5, 2016 at 11:58am

Ow.  I am so sorry, Ted.  Our dog Franny has been my constant companion since my wife died suddenly on a hike seven months ago.  I feel your pain.  In my blackest moments, suicide was a frequent thought; but was always dismissed with "I couldn't do that to my daughters."   It was enough, those thoughts and all my other craziness (junking it all and moving to Thailand was the most frequent one) has slowly ebbed away.  The process of reinventing myself has begun ever so slowly, but the light is beginning to return.  Allow yourself the pain, know that it eventually abates.  Your kids can a source of amazing solace and strength; its not a one way street.  My thoughts are with you.

Permalink Reply by Donna Doucette on July 5, 2016 at 2:04pm

I agree with Alex.  I too thought my pain would be easier if I was with my husband, but my daughter would have the pain of losing me and I couldn't do that to her.  I remember the thought so often crossed my mind that if I just picked up and moved and started over, no one would know that I was a widow and all would be good.  I realized after a year that...I'm doing pretty good on my own and my husband would be proud of me and running away isn't going to make it easier.  We will all have days when...you can't help but ask why but a memory of him or thinking one day we will be together again will put a smile on my face and help me move on.  God Bless...

Permalink Reply by Ruthie on September 7, 2016 at 9:11am

I know, our kids are what keep us going--to try to help them. I have never experienced death of anyone close in my family or friends, so it was a shock to lose my husband unexpected in a hunting accident eight months ago.  Never knew such pain exsisted.  Sorry to her about both your losses. Hang in there:)