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Comment by Theresa on July 22, 2018 at 6:51pm

Brett, its is supposed to rain here in Pennsylvania for the next week!!!!

I also do not have any children, just my dog.

My brother is much older than I am and his children and all grown and live far away

Comment by Virginia G on July 22, 2018 at 12:58pm

The dr from the hospital talked to my therapist.  I didn’t get any more answers.  I am convinced they gave up on her and since I did nothing, I’ll never know if she could have been helped.  I can’t fathom why I acted the way I did.  I don’t know how I live with myself.  Sometimes I think I still haven’t processed everything because if I had I’d running around screaming at the complete horror of it all.  I hope that’s the reason because I don’t understand how I’m functioning at all with the guilt and despair.

So as far as being selfish, I am the most selfish by far.  Even though I think I am at fault in so many ways, I have found myself wanting comfort.  I used to stay in my room all day by myself and cry and think.  Now I find myself not wanting to be alone.  My boyfriend gave up on me because he said I don’t think I deserve to be ok so I never will and I don’t blame him.  Brett, you mentioned having a girlfriend, does she make you feel less alone?  Everyone has their own lives and who wants to be around someone that’s sad all the time?

 All I ever wanted was to be with her, my wonderful Mom, my best friend, my everything.  

Comment by Avi on July 22, 2018 at 10:33am

I feel for you Brett if you are fighting all this alone. A big hug from India. 

Last few days were really guilt stricken for me as I was at my hometown and all memories of my mother's treatment were refreshed and it really pains. 

I have started living with the guilt now as I miss her so much. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 21, 2018 at 10:18pm

It only rains here when I want to go to the pool.

I am worried about Bluebell as well. I think she would have chimed in by now if she was feeling well.

I had a selfish moment today. I actually have a lot of those. I was at the store and I started talking to a really nice elderly man. He recently lost his wife. He told me that at first he just wanted to die. He's from New Jersey. His children live her in NC. They asked him to come down and live near them. He was telling me that the love they have given him has changed his life. Now he's very happy.

I don't have any children. I have a dog. I love my dog but it would be such a blessing to have family rally around you. A support system can make all of the difference. My mom's sisters, when they lost their mom, had husbands and children, and grandchildren. My mom had children and grandchildren. This is a horrible thing to experience alone.

I've never been a lonely person. I enjoy being by myself. I have friends and I have extended family, but I miss having someone to love and look after. I miss unconditional love. I miss giving it and receiving it.

Bluebell, if you are reading, I'm praying for you buddy. I hope that everyone is doing well. As well as they can.

Comment by Theresa on July 21, 2018 at 3:14pm

I hope everyone is doing well still have not heard from Bluebell it’s raining here today I hate weekends when it rains very depressing and boring hope to hear from everyone soon

Comment by Avi on July 18, 2018 at 12:27am

Agree Theresa. Just be what you are. 

Guys one thing that helped in this journey of grief is helping others. Please try helping the needy ones. You can also help people in India through my organization if interested. 

Comment by Theresa on July 17, 2018 at 7:40pm

I understand Brett, but I don't want to be "checked out"

They mess with your mind, I just want to be myself again.

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 17, 2018 at 10:47am

I also would like to hear from Bluebell.

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 17, 2018 at 10:46am

Theresa, I finally came to the realization that what I was doing wasn't working for me. And I realized that taking an anti-depressant couldn't be any worse than crying all of the time, not sleeping, and destroying myself with guilt and depression. Trusting your doctor in a situation like this is a leap of faith, but remember that you are in charge of your body. If you don't like the anti-depressant that your doctor prescribes you can always stop taking it and try a different one. Taking the pediatric dose may not cut it. It's a good place to start. It gives you the opportunity to gauge how the medication impacts you, but if it is well tolerated you will probably need to try a higher dose to feel the benefits from it. It takes a while to adjust to an SSRI, but if you can hold on the side effects will lessen. If they do not, you can just taper off and try a new one. Be your own advocate. Do what you have to do to feel better.

One of the most disappointing things about being a Nutritionist is that I will suggest a supplement that I know will help a person, but they will be like, "Well, I'll think about it..." and I know that they won't give it a try. I deal with that daily. I can't prescribe anti-depressants. Only a doctor can do that, but I can certainly see when someone needs one. Give yourself a fighting chance to feel better.

Comment by Theresa on July 17, 2018 at 7:46am

Well it probably did help me but I gained about 20 pounds and I hardly eat anything because of my IBS so I don’t know what happened

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