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Comment by Linda McDonnell on September 22, 2011 at 9:24pm

Elaine:  I know you're hurting.  We all know how that feels.  Circumstances differ but your Mom would want you to go on.  And she is with you, she's watching over you.  I've been crying for months and feeling very very bad.  I know my mom doesn't want me to feel this way.  She wants me to be happy and right now that seems impossible. 

 

Look at my last entry.  The co-worker I told you about is getting worse, cancer is spreading.  She in stage 5.  Everything is starting to shut down. It made me so sad, she is only 46.  And then I'm whining about my loss.  I felt so quilty.  Her daughter is pregnant and she's doesn't know if she'll get to see her grandchild.  So sad.

Comment by Linda McDonnell on September 20, 2011 at 11:12pm

Elaine, I'm sorry for your loss.  I understand the thought process of not wanting to go on, but I'm sure your mom would want to lead a full life and be happy and not greive too long..  At least this is what I'm being told.  I too feel the same as you do but I'm trying to honor my mom's memory and do what she would want.  I have a coworker who is absolutely amazing.  There must be a reason she's still here.  She's had breast cancer twice, three brain tumors, cancerous fluid around her heart, her lungs fill with fluid.  Now she has liver cancer.  I don't know how she does it, she continues to work around her treatments.  It makes me feel guilty for my grief of my mom when i see what she is doing and she always has such a sweet disposition.  thanks for listening.

Comment by Linda McDonnell on September 7, 2011 at 8:03pm

Elaine, I totally understand.  when did your mom die?  Mine died on may 13th and it's all I can do to go to work everyday.  Really look forward to weekends when I don't have to "put on a happy face". 

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on September 5, 2011 at 10:46pm

I miss my mom but she would be so proud....i have found someone, meaning, a life partner....we are hitting it off nicely, are falling in love, and its just what i needed to get my life back on track....my mom would be so happy, and this is as good as i have felt for a long time....i hope things turn out great.....thanks for your alls support....its been a long road.....rachel

Comment by Donna Schlatter on August 31, 2011 at 5:52am

Linda...why would that person decide to shut you out of their life at a time when you needed them most?  They seem to be the one with the issues, you know?  Elaine, my job is what keeps me focused, I must say.  I threw myself right back into work after my mom passed and I think I would have gone completely out of my mind if I didn't have my career and the wonderful people I work for/with.  I can absolutely, completely understand what you mean by feeling like you are "taking a step away from your mom".  I feel that many days too.  I think the more we feel that way, it means we are letting that person go.  We have to let them go.  We have to allow them to be at peace in their new home.  It hurts us so badly; we cry, we can't concentrate, we feel our lives are falling apart.  But Elaine, keep one thing in mind...you are a TEACHER.  You have an incredibly important job, one that is so admirable.  Keep letting it out to all of us because we understand.  I will start my counseling on Sept 14 and cannot wait.

Comment by Linda McDonnell on August 30, 2011 at 10:47pm

Elaine, I'm sorry for what you are going through.  I understand.  It's important that you keep expressing your feelings to us.

Comment by Linda McDonnell on August 29, 2011 at 8:35pm

Rachel, thank you for your response.  I am in a real difficult place.  Isolating.  I lost an online friend I had for 10 years..  We never met but she has refused to speak to me since my mom died.  I really her support.  I was there for her over the last 10 years and I don't keep a score card with friends, but they just seem to use me and when my usefulness is gone, so are they.  I am really upset by this.  Today I learned she unfriended on facebook.  I have to accept it for what it is but I don't deal with rejection very well. 

Comment by Linda McDonnell on August 29, 2011 at 7:20pm

Hi Donna, I saw a grief counselor for about 12 weeks.  It was insightful to learn grief doesn't come in stages but in cycles.  she told I could expect to grief one month for every year I lived with my mom.  since I lived with her most of my life that is about 4 years of grief.  I was delusional, I thought I could move on faster than that.  they say group grief counseling is good but I am a very shy person and couldn't do that. 

 

I hope you have a good experience.

Comment by Donna Schlatter on August 29, 2011 at 7:01pm

Hi all!  I don't get on here much anymore which makes me terribly sad.  My job, my kids, my husband and all the other silly responsibilities take up so much of my time.  I have made an appt to see a grief counselor on 09/14 and was wondering what you all felt about that and what your experiences have been?  God bless you all....xo

Comment by Linda McDonnell on August 29, 2011 at 6:20pm

Mercy, I am sorry, I didn't mean to minimize what anyone els is going through. everyone please accept my apologies

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