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Comment by Leslie on October 9, 2011 at 5:58pm

Elaine, you will have many more moments like that. It was a special moment you had.   I dream about my mom.  the dreams are good, odd and bad.  i wake up crying, upset, out of breath, mad.   i too feel that my heart is gone and actually i have felt that half of me is gone or dragging.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on October 8, 2011 at 4:36am

awww elaine, im sorry you feel that way...when my mom died i felt the same way....but now my heart is with a man, ive been given a second chance, and my mom would want this.....i hope things get easier for you

Comment by Jun White on October 7, 2011 at 10:11am

Leslie,  there is not a single waking moment I don't think about her.  I created a video for her that I watch every day.  I cry every time I see the sweater she was knitting for me that didn't get to finish.  She had her medical treatment here in the States, when the doctor told her that the only option left is continued chemo, she decided to go back to China where she was born.  I flew back to China to be with her in her final days.  Watching her dying was so horrible, like you said it's so vivid in my head.  Watching her being cremented was even worse.  I felt guilty because she might have lived longer had she stayed here and continued her treatment.

Comment by Leslie on October 6, 2011 at 5:38am

Jun and Cindi, my thoughts are with you.  You both have just lost your mothers; in the "acute" stage of grieving they say.  I still feel the same yet my mom died on May 2, 2010.  It was a brain anerysm, 2 days later we had to make the "decision" then watch her take her last breath. (that was horrible watching & it is so vivid in my head)   Jun-I dont know if there is life after death, but you can find out your own way to talk to her or reach out to her.  Make a collage of pictures of your mom or collect things she would like and put them in a memory box.  You dont have to do anything right now!  It is too soon!    Cindi-Im right there with you, It is 1 1/2 yrs later and Im still grieving and emotional as it happened yesterday. Some members of my family are the same.  When I visit with friends, they noticed something is still wrong with me but its like nothing ever happened. So they just dont say anything.  Its like you have had this life altering moment and it has changed me forever, forever in a negative way.

Comment by Linda McDonnell on October 5, 2011 at 10:14pm

I totally agree, my coworker is in final stages and it's so hard watching.  She's trying to work because of the large medical bills. she's white as a ghost and has an incredibe pain tolerance.  I feel so bad for her, don't know what to do to ease her pain.  I told our boss toight that I wanted to donat some vacation time to help with bills.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on October 5, 2011 at 11:01am

hey mercy, try not to dwell on this honey....she is in a better place, just as my mom is....

Comment by mercy on October 5, 2011 at 10:29am

My mom, my poor little mom is under the earth, I'm here on earth to try and live life without her. It seems like torture to wake up everyday. I agree with Elaine, its so sad that life just keeps moving right along like nothing happened. The worst part is that my dad passed away years ago so now our family home sits empty and cold. I cannot bear top visit home, thinking about it is more than I can handle. I always pray that I go back to my country in a coffin so I won't have to face the pain.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on October 5, 2011 at 7:46am

i miss my mom alot, think about her often, and she would be so happy to know that a man has entered my life who i really love and adore and we are just crazy about each other....I believe God brought him to me, I finally have the chance for real happiness....I'm so blessed, I wish mom could be here to see it....frankly I deserve it through all I've been through.....love you mom, be so happy for me

Comment by Linda McDonnell on October 4, 2011 at 9:13pm

Cindy I too lost my mom to congestive heart failure, copd, kidney failure. Although it hurts like hell, i was very fortunate to have had her for 91 years.  The drs. couldn't understand why she was still alive she had so much wrong but it is so hard for me and you're right people don't understand.  sometimes i feel like i'm being sefish because she did live so long.  People also telling me to move on and i was/am so resistent to that.  it has caused strife between myself and my siblings.  but they weren't as close.  hope things get easier for both / all of us

Comment by Jun White on October 4, 2011 at 8:52pm

Isn't that the truth!  People expect you to move on like nothing ever happened. The truth is part of me went with her.

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