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Comment by Janyth Marie Weaver on January 31, 2012 at 12:18am

Well this passed week and this week is hard because my mom is not here to wish me a happy birthday and to say i get to give you more love. I have just been crying all the time but i know that she is in a better place and she is not hurting like she was before she died. My daugther asked me today why did her granny had to died and i dont know what to say to her and i just cried my eyes out. I just wish that I had some friends to talk to about how Im feeling and stuff.

Comment by Lisa Gladieux on January 30, 2012 at 11:04pm

Kris- I felt the same way you did at first. I then got so scared of feeling that deep saddened, that after about three days I had to snap out of it & get control of me emotions. To the rest of you - I have some rough patches, but I can get through them now. Tomorrow, I will be celebrating my birthday for the first time without my mom. It will be emotionally weird! Grief is ok, just don't allow it to consume you. Hugs, Lisa

Comment by mercy on January 30, 2012 at 3:12pm

Hi Rachel, thanks for your encouragement. Its good sometimes to be reminded those little things, like we were brought here to enjoy life. This intense grief can make us forget the meaning of life. I know so many wonderful, healthy people who were taken away in their prime. I question God sometimes; I tell him how much I’ve suffered emotionally with the passing of my family members, I question HIM WHY He didn’t take me home years ago. I guess I still have a purpose in this life; I struggle to find the purpose every day; hopefully one day I will know.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on January 30, 2012 at 1:46pm

our moms would want us to go on and not wallow in their passings....thats why they brought us into this world to enjoy life....my life has been tumultuous lately, but i hang in there cause i know mom wants me to....good luck to everyone that is struggling, its not easy.,...love ya mercy

Comment by mercy on January 30, 2012 at 1:29pm

I feel the same way as you all. How can life go on when mom isn’t here anymore? I don’t even know how I go on but I do. I don’t have the same zest for life, I push myself to do even the smallest things. My job performance has really suffered and I got a bad review last time. I know my mom would want me to be stronger, I know I have to go on for the sake of my daughter, but it’s just so hard.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on January 30, 2012 at 11:56am

so sorry about your loss, i know how that feels, i reall do....you will be ok and it feels like you cant go on, but she is ok now, just think about that....ok?  easier said than done....we are here for you....rach

Comment by Kris Baclawski on January 30, 2012 at 8:56am

Hi Karen:

I am so sorry to read of the loss of your Mom. For me, it's been 7 months and the sense of intense grief has lessened.  At first, I felt as if I'd been sucker punched and then had my heart ripped out.  Then the numbness came---as if I was going through the motions in a fog.

My mom's funeral and burial was delayed for 5 weeks to allow my younger sister and her family to come from overseas.   I can't tell you if it would be easier to have a funeral sooner than later.  What was helpful for my family was thinking about what Mom would have wanted.

My suggestion for you would be to call on a good friend or friends to accompany you through planning and decision making.   If they've lost a parent, that can be very helpful.  If you're associated with a church, perhaps some one from the membership can help you.

As a mental health counselor once told me, "You have more than 15 minutes to make that decision."   If someone pushes you to make instantaneous decisions that you're not comfortable with, tell that person you need more time.   

With time, the pain of losing Mom has lessened as a new normal will develop.  Take faith in that and now that you will be seeing your Mom again.

Take care.

Kris

Comment by Lisa Gladieux on January 29, 2012 at 7:43pm

Karen - I know & understand your pain. I went to the funeral home the very next day (Thanksgiving) and made arrangements. The pain of grief was SO raw, I could hardly breath. My aunt was with me & was a tremendous help. Choosing a gravesite was equally painful & while I knew I would survive, I was unsure how. Seeing my mom at calling hours gave me some Peace, because she no longer looked in pain. Even though I lost my mom in November 2011, I no longer intensely grieve for as it won't change the outcome. Rely on family & friends and know they will do their best to comfort you. One day at a time, stay focused on your emotions & don't allow the negative emotions control you, but do allow yourself to miss your mom. Hugs, Lisa

Comment by Jessica A. Krall on January 29, 2012 at 6:16pm

Hi Guys...it's been nearly 7 months for me too...yesterday was her birthday...she would have been 82 years old.  I know she is happily in heaven with her parents and my father, but I miss her so much, it's as if she's JUST died and I can't get enough air in my lungs to breathe.  Yesterday was REALLY hard and I spent most of the day crying and wondering around in a fog.  Grieving is SO hard...this is much harder than my two divorces were!  I feel like I have no idea what to do with the rest of my life...I spent the last 16 years caring for her...

The world just continues to spin and here we all sit hurting like there's no tomorrow...very, VERY sad...

Jessica

Chesapeake, VA

Comment by Lucinda Guerra on January 28, 2012 at 9:29pm

Elaine, I know what you mean. It's been 7 months since my mom died, and in some ways the worst part is the way everything just continues. Bills, school, family stuff, friends... Life continues, even when you wish it wouldn't. Even when it seems impossible that it could. I always thought this was the one thing I couldn't survive-- that I wouldn't be strong enough to survive losing her. But here I am. Here we all are. Lucky us, huh?

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