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Comment by Brett Bowman on October 4, 2018 at 7:09pm

Theresa, I know that feeling. There has been at least three times today when I have looked at my little dog's smiling face, and I just sat down on the floor next to her and cried. She's almost 13. In so many ways I feel that she is all that I have left of my mom.

The problem is that our mom's were a tangible thing. We could hug the and have conversation with the, We could tell them that we loved them and they would tell us that they loved us back. With God it's all about faith. And in that regard I have not been a faithful servant. I just feel very alone. I don't give up hope. I ask him for help every day, but it is just one bad thing after another. I don't understand.

Comment by Theresa on October 4, 2018 at 4:54pm

As I am cooking dinner I’m crying telling my mom you probably can see me but I don’t know that I miss you so much words cannot tell sadly I don’t have anyone to talk to no one except basically you or anyone else on the site my life has changed if I want to do something I do it I am living every day like it is my last and if it was my list I know I would be happy with my mom.....I’m dealing with my senior labrador retriever is 11 he is arthritic knowing from having other dogs they live to maybe 13 I’m dreading that but I am living in the moment at least I’m trying I have not been to Yoga in months I just don’t have that initiative I’m at a loss I just don’t know what to do anymore people say that I am mean I’m not nice maybe I am but I can tell you my life has changed I just don’t care anymore about anybody or anything except for my dog I go to church on Friday mornings where I volunteer at adoration and I pray to God I say please please just help me maybe he is and I just don’t know it maybe I should be grateful and I just don’t know it

Comment by Brett Bowman on October 4, 2018 at 3:13pm

After the church service on Sunday my minister asked me how I was doing. I could tell by the look on his face that he was afraid that I was going to answer him. I just said, "fine."

A few weeks ago I was at the gym and it hit me all at once. I just don't see myself as having any value. My value was as a caretaker for my mom. Now, I feel like I'm just taking up space and holding on to days that are long gone.

I feel like I am serving prison time. I pray so much but I just feel like I am atoning for something, and that this isn't over until I pay my debt in full.

That may not be true. Maybe God just wants me to be happy but I just don't understand how he works, Maybe I don't know how to pray. I just know that my mom is gone and it's like it all happened yesterday. I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

Comment by Theresa on October 4, 2018 at 3:02pm

I feel the same way I wake up and my heart sinks. It’s awful. And no one wants to hear it anymore

Comment by Brett Bowman on October 4, 2018 at 1:27pm

Theresa, very little. I just feel as though I have no value anymore. None. People can tell me that I have value but it doesn't matter unless I believe it myself.

Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I think of is, "Oh,yeah. Mom is dead." And then my heart sinks. I rarely talk about it anymore with my friends because I know they are tired of hearing it. Even my minister.

The intense pain may not be as bad, but the void is still there. It's like a scar that never starts to heal. I do not look forward to Christmas, and that's horrible. What a thing to dread. That used to be my favorite time of the year by a long shot. Not anymore.

Comment by Theresa on October 4, 2018 at 5:31am

Brett - December is coming again, three years, wow, how much has changed for you?

Comment by Theresa on October 4, 2018 at 5:30am

Sorry Andrew, it very hard, this is a wonderful group.  Glad you found us.

Comment by Andrew Evans on October 3, 2018 at 4:19pm

Thanks so much

Comment by Brett Bowman on October 3, 2018 at 4:02pm

I'm sorry Andrew. No one can take the place of your mom. We are here if we can help in any way.

Comment by Andrew Evans on October 3, 2018 at 3:58pm

I lost my dear Mam last month, I am heartbroken and miss her so much.

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