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Comment by Kristin Renee on July 2, 2013 at 6:33am

I'm not doing well. Anxious and frustrated and restless. I've now gotten three spam e-mails from my Mom's name and it's really jarring. Stealing someone's name to peddle spam is so low! It's tormenting me. I would give anything to feel close to her again.

Comment by Danny on July 1, 2013 at 6:02am

I temporarily disconnected Mom's cellphone number for a year and it can be activated then so this way at least for a year I believe that she is still there.  That way you don't feel the loss to be permanent. 

Comment by Melisa C on June 30, 2013 at 8:04am

I have dialed my Mom's cellphone number many times since she's been gone. Don't really know what for. Yesterday someone answered, they've already given that number to another person. I felt so sad.

Comment by Martha on June 29, 2013 at 5:04pm

Danny, to go to CHAT just click on it (the word "CHAT" on the row at the top of the page) and it takes there.

Hang in there, we are here for you!

Comment by Martha on June 29, 2013 at 5:00pm

Dear Ann:

That is so profound what you wrote. I feel the same way. Even, when i breathe sometimes i feel guilty because i watched her take her last breath.

 

Comment by Ann on June 29, 2013 at 4:12pm

I have figured out that I have "survivors guilt."  My mom and I went through so much abuse that we had to hang on to each other to survive.  Now that she is gone I feel that I betrayed her by still living.  I should be with her, we went through everything together and we only survived by having each other.  It's impossible to go on when I feel I am betraying her every day I am alive.

Comment by Danny on June 29, 2013 at 3:59pm

Thanks Martha and Natalie really appreciate it.  Natalie, you said it all when you mention 'invested in the small details of my life'.  Martha I need to figure out how to go to the CHAT forum.  We all need to be in a similar group as this one.  Friends etc help but many have not been through this.  I am looking for a book too to help me.  Thanks both.

Comment by Natalie on June 29, 2013 at 2:53pm

Danny, I know exactly how you feel. It will be a year for me, on July 9th, and I sometimes still feel so alone, disoriented and lost. I often think, "Who else is going to be interested and invested in the small details of my life, the way my mom always was, and who else does my life matter to, the way I know it mattered to my mom?" I keep reminding myself of how my mom would want me to handle this and that helps me to regain perspective. It hurts everyday, some days more than others, but I just try to keep making healthy choices that honor her and to be that "trooper" that she wanted me to be. It has gotten a bit better and it does continue, little by little, to get better. Sometimes, just coming here and reading everyone's comments has helped me tremendously. This is a group of beautiful hearts and we are all united by our pain.

Comment by Martha on June 29, 2013 at 2:06pm

Danny, I am sorry about all that you are going thru. We are all in pain here. Connecting with this forum is the first step. Posting as you did is very helpful. And, whenever you can go to the CHAT feature and say Hello, if everyone did that there would always be someone there to share with, and it makes a difference. Do it for you, and for others that, believe it or not will benefit from chatting with you. I have met extraordinary people there.

God Bless everyone.

 

 

Comment by Danny on June 28, 2013 at 9:24am

This is the toughest time that I have had to go through and it is has just begun.  I just don't know who to call with my problems and advice and also just have someone to go to to share all my life experiences that I have been doing.  Some people say 'letting go' is the answer but as I read more this theory has been proven to be not the best solution.  Is it a combination of distracting yourself and remembering all the things she said and doing them etc ? Help please !!

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