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Comment by Danny on August 4, 2013 at 4:11am

Welcome Don. 

Comment by Don R. on August 3, 2013 at 7:50pm

By way of introduction, my name is Don and I have been following this wonderful site for several months now. I lost my mother back on October 14, 2012, and previously had lost my dad back in 1996 (making me a member of that dreaded group, the “Adult Orphans Club”. While I know that this is a group that most all of us join in the normal course of life, I hate being a member and would give anything to turn in my membership card immediately!). While my mother was 90 and had her share of ailments, she was as sharp as a tack and her death was sudden (she died of congestive heart failure in her sleep) and quite a shock. Like most all of you on this site, my relationship with my mother was so much beyond parent and child. While (because of my only child status) I was always close with my parents, my relationship with my mom really went to a different level after my father’s passing. We lived under the same roof, ate the same food, breathed the same air and were each other’s best friend. I really think that in many respects we became one person, and, as so many of you have expressed, I know a piece of me died right along with her that October early morning! As I reached the nine month anniversary of her passing, the grief and emptiness really hit home as much as ever. You reach the point where the shock and numbness of your mother’s passing wears off, as does the flurry of activity in the immediate months after her death (be it from family and friends, well wishers or from all of the legal and tax related work that inevitably needs to be done!) You are then left with the rest of your life- It just can’t be real! There is just no way that I am destined to go the rest of my days without ever seeing my mother again, hearing her voice (aside from the phone answering machine tape that I have carefully saved!), touching her or making any of the major life decisions coming down the road without her advice and input. This is not to mention that the passing of both parents is a stark reminder of your own mortality and that you have now lost both of the people who knew your entire life history aside from yourself and served as your foundation. I have found that, at least for the immediate time, that I just cannot look too far in the future, as the grief and anxiety from all of these realities can just consume you. Like many on this site, I likewise struggle to move on with llfe as the emptiness of losing both parents just makes the living of such seem so meaningless at times (as many of you have cited, weekend mornings can be brutal and it takes great discipline just to get out of bed and start the day!) To combat this, I try to keep the memories of my parents alive each day as well as all of the special times that were share with them. I have also taken the advice of several people and make it a point to look closely in the mirror (I considered this to be a traumatic experience in the past, but not so much now!:)) By doing this, you realize how much of your parent's physical features you have and that, in many ways, they are not really gone as they are living through you. It is something that provides a measure of comfort going forward. I have also found a great measure of comfort by finding this site and realizing that I am not alone with the feelings I have and the emotions I am going through. As has been said many times here, the only people who can really understand are those that have gone through the same trauma and it is wonderful to have a place where one’s true feelings can be expressed!

Comment by Danny on August 3, 2013 at 6:18pm

glad my parents made it to their 50th anniversary this was the main goal i had

Comment by Amanda on August 3, 2013 at 3:00pm

Yesterday would have been my parent's 38th wedding anniversary. Since my mom died in April, we've had my wedding anniversary, her birthday, mother's day, the birth of my second child, and her wedding anniversary. Next up: Thanksgiving, my first son's birthday, and Christmas. I'm so sad today thinking of everything she's missed already and of all of the "happy" occasions that she will never be part of again. I still can't believe she's gone, and that I'll never be able to talk to her again or see her play with her grandkids.

Comment by Martha on August 3, 2013 at 2:52pm

I feel so badly for all of us going through so much pain. I cried myself to sleep last night, I miss my mother so very much.

Comment by Danny on August 3, 2013 at 7:05am

Hang in there Michael.  It is not going to go away ever for some like us so just try to function on a routine if possible.

Comment by michael sandoval on August 3, 2013 at 7:03am

almost a year and i still cry when i think about my mom.

Comment by Danny on August 2, 2013 at 7:36pm

me too i think i will try to focus on work after a couple of months. that the thing if i fail or succeed i am alone but maybe the person is watching and even you might dream.

Comment by Kristin Renee on August 2, 2013 at 3:39pm

I am trying to pursue something I had planned to do with my Mom but it's an uphill climb and it's so hard knowing I can never share it with her. Should I fail or succeed, I'm alone. 

Comment by Jeff R on August 2, 2013 at 3:27pm

work occupies my mind, so I can focus on something rather than dwell on the sadness I feel.  My Mom was always big on work and accomplishments, so I feel like she'd want me to plow ahead.  But, it's very hard to accept the loss.

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