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Comment by Dia -Ayesha on September 29, 2013 at 12:53am

Hi Cynthia. I can relate to you to a certain extent. I too was always by my mothers side and have no close friends. I very recently lost my mum this july 22, 1 day before my birthday. She was my best friend and constant companion. I feel very very lonely since her passing. But talking is essential. Please message me to talk anytime. I'm available to anybody who wishes to tal. This is a wonderful forum with many extremely kind people united by our respective loss and grief. Please dont feel alone Cynthia. God bless.

Comment by Danny on September 28, 2013 at 5:23pm

Yes as Brenda said I do a lot of talking.  As Kristin and Cynthia and Michael point out, a spouse/partner/siblings may not be the best people here.  They may not 'get it', so really I am relying on a few close contacts and my landlady who seems to be really knowing how to take small steps.  Cynthia talk to me if you need to and Kristin too. Michael: You're doing the right thing.

Comment by michael sandoval on September 28, 2013 at 4:48pm

i deleted so many messages from my mom and i have none.  and i miss my mom's voice.  i know i could dig up some old VHS home movies, but that would be too difficult for me to watch, i don't do it.

my condolences to everyone.

Comment by Wendy (Boabie) on September 28, 2013 at 4:31pm

Hi Cynthia, we are here for you. I am always available to talk, and am going thru the loss of my mom as well. So, contact me when you need to talk.  God bless you!

Comment by Brenda Ann on September 28, 2013 at 12:48pm

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to talk. Talking can be a helpful release. Following the death of all ten of his children, as well as some other personal tragedies, the ancient patriarch Job said: “My soul certainly feels a loathing toward my life. I will give vent to [Hebrew, “loose”] my concern about myself. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul!” (Job 1:2, 18, 19; 10:1) Job could no longer restrain his concern. He needed to let it loose; he had to “speak.” Similarly, the English dramatist Shakespeare wrote in Macbeth: “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.”

Every person handles grief differently and for a different period of time.

Comment by Kristin Renee on September 27, 2013 at 11:25pm

@ Danny: my partner doesn't help me talk through it. Emotions aren't his specialty. We have been together half my life so he knew my Mom very well and I know he misses her but he never brings her up. So I try to cry quietly and in private if I can help it. Only she can really bring me solace anyway and she is gone.

I acknowledge my grief is still new but...her loss is so traumatizing and multifaceted that I doubt I can ever fully process it. Incessantly I replay that last day and what I could have/should have done differently to save her, the mundane things we talked about when I could've have been telling her how much she meant to me. Foolishly believing we would have so much more time! 

My sister has a saved voicemail from my Mom: "Happy Birthday, Baby, I love you," that she has agreed to let me listen to on my birthday Jan 6th - my 30th and first without her. As old as my Mom was when she brought me into this world. I haven't heard her voice in so long....the last time I heard it was in a dream... how I miss her so!

Comment by Jeff R on September 27, 2013 at 10:45pm

Yup, this is when being an only child is the pits..people assume we get all of the rewards that would normally be shared among siblings growing up.  But, we get all of the burdens later on when it comes to elder care, with little to no support. And all of the grief when it's over.  But, we all do our best w/the hand we are dealt in life, as did my Mom.

Comment by Wendy (Boabie) on September 27, 2013 at 6:23pm

@ Jeff I know how you feel as an only child. My mom dies Aug 24th, exactly two weeks before my birthday. I did not want to even have a birthday, I was so hurt and angry! I am trying to be the strong woman she would want me to be, but it is hard.  I am sending you the biggest hug possible!!!!

Comment by Nancy L on September 27, 2013 at 6:23pm

Dia I am so very sorry for your loss.  Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman.  I too think why did God make my mother suffer, why was she so sick.  It is just so hard to see them like that.  One of the last things before my mom went into ICU was I was holding the trash can up to her mouth so she could vomit.  She then wanted to sleep so I left her, that night she went into ICU and died a day and a half later. 

Tomorrow will be 9 months since my mom passed.  I don't know if I can say it is any easier.  My birthday will be coming up with in the next month.  My mom always called me.  The last time she ever called me was on my birthday.  She was having a good day that day. 

 

Comment by Jeff R on September 27, 2013 at 4:43pm

thanks for the kind words & thoughts :-)

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