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Comment by Angela on October 10, 2013 at 9:29pm

Well at least we still have each other on here to share with. We understand each other here and we never judge because we are all in this grief mess together. It's a different world out there. They just don't get it. So I just don't talk about it with people out there. I have lost a few friends during this process. But that's ok. In bad times like this is when we see who our true friends are. The people that accept me for the way I am now are the ones that I want in my life. 

Comment by Danny on October 10, 2013 at 6:39am

Shawna, relax a bit.  I would say don't take the people tooo seriously at least now I know that they don't really know.  And yes, do keep talking to her. Work on the grief at your own pace.

Comment by Dia -Ayesha on October 10, 2013 at 4:51am

I agree with Shawna . It hurts like h**l. Nobody has any business telling anyone else to get over it or to move on. Loss is so tragic, final and so painful . For me my world has come to an end . My mom loved me, cared for me, made so many sacrifices for me, cheered me , supported and encouraged me no matter what. Such a special person , such a special bond. I will never ever get over it. I love you mon. May God bless you and keep you in the palm of his hand. May God bless all our mums . May they be happy and rest in peace in another realm.

Comment by Danny on October 9, 2013 at 4:36pm

Lisa S, life is not really fair and you are on the mark. I have lost faith to some extent.  

Comment by Brenda Ann on October 9, 2013 at 12:35pm

Dave - that is her loss!

Comment by Martha on October 9, 2013 at 12:09pm

So sorry for your loss Dave.

Makes me feel so sad we are going through so much, and yet most people around us do not "get it". As if losing one's mother was not devastating enough to have to deal with all this additional stuff.

Today I feel completely lost. Have felt this way since the day Mom passed. Just going through the motions everyday. And, don't think I will ever "get over it". Honestly, to see how people do not care is making me value even more the love for my mother, and her love for me. So, I just don't talk about it with people anymore. And, relationships have fallen by the waste side along the way because now the masks are off and we get to see what people were really like all along.

Thank God we have this site to share otherwise I personally would think there is something horribly wrong with me because I miss my Mom so very much.

Comment by David on October 9, 2013 at 11:48am

From your mouth to G-d's ears. Unfortunately, it's already a done deal as mom was killed 18 months ago and our problems were building up over many months. My wife has lost several people close to her, including a lifelong friend who was murdered on 9/11 in one of the World Trade Center towers and whose remains, I believe, were never found. It would seem that too much grief can lead to a lifetime of bitterness. And this is what I've seen with her. We have decided to remain friends and keep in touch even though we're 7,000 miles apart - she in Florida and me in Israel. But as is always the case, only time will tell. But thanks for your kind words of encouragement anyway. :-)

Comment by Brenda Ann on October 9, 2013 at 11:37am

Dear Dave,

     I am very sorry that your wife does not understand that when someone really close to you passes away, one just does not just "get over it". Grief isn't a destination that we visit while the funeral and last business affairs are being taken cared of, it is a journey. This journey is as individual as a fingerprint - some travel it quickly some travel  the road very slowly. The journey is yours and you will travel it your way and in your time, which is how it should be.

     One reason for her frustration may be that she has not experienced the loss of someone very close to her. The day that she looses someone dear to her, unfortunately she will "feel" what it is like to have your heart ripped out and passed through a meat grinder. The only difference then will be you will understand, and can really help her. She will need you . . .

     It is my hope for you, that can rethink and put the divorce on hold. This just is NOT the time for any major decisions to be made.

Comment by David on October 9, 2013 at 10:57am

I agree. One of the reasons for my impending divorce is that my wife expected me to get over my loss quickly and to focus on her. As time passed and the pain eased up a little, our marriage eased up as well. After all, who would want to spend a lifetime with someone who only seems to care about you when times are good? If I'd only known that this would happen before I signed on the dotted line....

Comment by Dia -Ayesha on October 9, 2013 at 10:23am

Lisa you are absolutely right. Some folks are more empathetic than others .having said that in my experience most people lack kindness, sensitivity and cannot look beyond their own nose. I was constantly with my mum 24/7 . I was her caregiver for 14 years . I put everything else on hold to care for her because I thought her health and well being would improve if I gave it my all. My relatives, friends and others know my story and yet they expect me to move on in 2 months . Some of them are so insensitive and cruel they change the topic promptly when I mention my mum . How cruel and cold is that . No respect , no decency for my mum who's gone even though she was the kindest, noblest person ever. It's an eyeopener for me .

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