Comment

Comment by M Adams on December 12, 2018 at 8:27pm

Agreed, Daylight.  I often think about how appalled my mom and my husband would be by my current state.  But I would say that the feeling of total desolation will change, based on my experience with my husband’s death, thirty months ago.  In that case I could see improvement in my functionality, energy, etc., particularly last summer, when I started having more positive memories of my life with my husband, instead of constant painful and traumatic feelings of loss, and more energy for life — then my mother, who had been improving, suddenly died, and I have kind of gone backwards since then.  So I think there is for most people a process.

Comment by Daylight on December 12, 2018 at 3:59pm

I just wonder if these feelings of complete desolation will ever end. We have to remain strong. I think that is what our moms would have wanted for us.

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 12, 2018 at 2:43pm

You sound just like me. Lost at a mall. Waiting outside of my school for my mom to come pick me up. Expecting her to come home from a trip. Mom had been there for me my whole entire life. She never let me down.

We can't have that back. This is one set of circumstances that my mom can't overcome. Hopefully, if I can keep standing up, eventually I will be able to stand on my own two feet. And I'll tell you, the easy thing to do would be to let the grief overtake you, to just roll up in a little ball and give up. It even sounds good, but life doesn't allow that. We have to stand up. We have to keep moving. Our sanity depends on it.

Comment by Daylight on December 12, 2018 at 1:43pm

Sorry for The grammar mistakes. I'm writing from my smartphone.

Comment by Daylight on December 12, 2018 at 1:41pm

You are right Brett, we have to be our own advocates and try to fill the space inside with our mom 's love. Even though I am an adult since I lost her, I feel like a 5 year-old lost at a mall crying for her mom. The diference is that this time the child will beber find her again her on earth. That feeling is devastating. Besides, extended family and friend cannot fill the emptiness of our paul. It's just too hurtful and sadly our new normal. Reality has a way to punch you right in the middle of your face. Hierve, I still feel that she will come back from a trio. I think is too much for my mind to accept that I will never see her again any time soon.

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 12, 2018 at 12:39pm

That word (Unprotected) really resonates with me. My mom was my rock. No matter how old I became, I was always her little boy. I still am. The world seems like a cold place without her. And you learn the difference between total, unconditional love, and the reality of what is left to us. I have friends and extended family, but they have their own families. after my mom died I always felt like I was at arm's length from others. 

I have also distanced myself from some. There are people in my life that I have realized, just maybe do not care as much as I thought they would have. That's why I have said here before, sometimes we have to be our own advocate. It's not ideal, but if you look around, and there is no one there to lend you a hand, you have to try to stand up on your own. That's not ideal. Sometimes that's what we are left with though. 

Comment by Daylight on December 12, 2018 at 11:52am

I agree with you a 100% M Adams, we don't know how much we need that source of unconditional love until we lose it. We are let feeling so hurt, fearful, helpless and unprotected.

Comment by M Adams on December 12, 2018 at 11:21am

I think we don’t realize how much strength we’re drawing from that steady base of unquestioning love, until death intervenes.  Never imagined myself feeling so unprotected and fearful — even sounds outside scare me.  

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 12, 2018 at 10:59am

Isolated, alone, and unprotected, may be the best description I have heard.

Comment by Daylight on December 12, 2018 at 7:33am

Thanks Avi, that would be nice. I wonder what time is in India? Here in Argentina is 10.30 am. Someday it would be great if we all can talk via Skype. Wish you all a nice day.

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