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Comment by Daylight on December 15, 2018 at 6:07am

Brett, praying is all we have now. I hope it can helps us cope better. I've always loved Christmas but this year I don't feel like celebrating it. I haven't decorated my house, and I haven't got a Christmas tree. I just can't. It doesn't feel right. Instead, I keep listening my mom 's voice telling me what we are going to eat, what we are going to shop, etc. I'm definitely not in the mood for celebrating. This year Christmas feel like a nightmare. I feel the void, and I feel can't have a happy time without my mom because it feels unfair and wrong. I hope this feeling will go away someday. I keep all of us in my prayers.

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 14, 2018 at 11:37pm

Yes, it's true that I was blessed to take care of my mom, but that only makes saying goodbye harder. Losing our moms is never easy for anyone, but for some of us who find our way here, our moms may have been the center of our lives. That's how it was for me. And almost as soon as she died, those Christmas decorations looked very different. They looked cold, and very old. They reminded me of Christmases that had passed instead of Christmas present.This time of year reminds me of so many things, and it's like if I close my eyes, it's almost like I'm back there, but I'm not. I'm here.

There is always hope that tomorrow will lead me one step closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. That happiness in this life is still possible. That's my hope.

I am sure that I am not the only person here who feels this way. When my mom died I entered a dark period in my life, and I am still there. Deserved or not, I am still there. I pray a lot. I know I'm going to wake up in the morning and the first thought I'm going to have his, "Mom's not here anymore." It's time to move past this. It's not as easy as just knowing that.

I won't give up. I'll keep praying and keep hoping.

Comment by SelV on December 14, 2018 at 10:24pm

Dear Brett,

You and I

Lived with our mothers or

They lived with us

For a long long time

For better, for worse

In sickness and in health

Until Mr D parted them from us!

You and I

Are trying to cope with the trauma of

Watching our mothers taking their last breath

Are trying to cope with the grief of

Losing the very most important person in our lives!

You and I

Are the little girl or little boy

Still yearning for the love and care

That Mama showered us!

The ‘umbilical cord’ is still attached.

Maybe what we need is

Someone or anyone

In the same boat as us

Who can give us their time

To bare our souls completely

To cry our hearts out

And talk about our Mama

No advising, No judging

Just listening.

You are a very good son

Who has given your mother

The loving tender care

None of your siblings 

Had that opportunity

It is a blessing...

It is divine love!

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 14, 2018 at 7:44pm

Thanks, SelV. I wish there was something I could say something to make you feel better. I wish there was something you could say to make me feel better.

Comment by SelV on December 14, 2018 at 4:02pm

Dear Mother,

On 15 March 2018

You departed this world.

Watching you take the last breath

Cremating your body thereafter

Collecting your ashes and

Scattering them into the sea

Have broken me...totally!

Having nurtured me with love and care

Unconditionally...

For more than half a century

Your absence makes me drown

In an ocean of tears...

You mattered most to me

But now nothing matters...as much!

Waiting patiently

To complete my sojurn on Earth

Embrace eternal sleep

To return home to you, Ma!

Your soulmate loving daughter

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 13, 2018 at 1:05pm

Pamela, you are grieving for your mother. You may not be able to see it but I can. My father was horrible. I did not grieve his death. I barely gave it a second thought. You are grieving your mom, and you are grieving the way things were. The advice I would give you is this... there is no way to change the past. If you can, wish her peace. Talk out loud to her. Tell her what you feel. Tell her that you love her anyway, and wish her peace. It's not really about forgiveness. It's about letting go and finding peace.

You had a horrible experience. To lose them both in nearly a weeks time would be incredibly traumatic. We are always here if we can help you.

Comment by Pamela philipp on December 13, 2018 at 10:13am

I lost my mother on 9-6-15 eight days before I lost my husband on 9-14-15 and I feel horrible because I am struggling with how I am grieving for my mother because we had a very strained relationship because my mother was an alcoholic all her life and was physically and emotionally abusive when I was growing up I also know that she lied to me about who my father is and she never told me the truth and when she passed away I felt anger because of how she left things and now I feel like I don't belong and I cant find forgiveness for her I loved my mother and I do miss her but still feel horrible because I haven't grieved for her I feel  like there is something wrong with me I am so broken losing my husband but losing my mother has left me feeling lost can someone please give me advice on what to do  

Comment by Daylight on December 12, 2018 at 9:42pm

Hi Avi, it would be nice to have a friend. The time gap is big but we can agree on a time to talk. Keeping busy also functions for me. Anyways, as soon as I have free time the thoughts and feelings came back and grief hits so hard. I wish you have a nice day.

Comment by Daylight on December 12, 2018 at 9:37pm

M Adams , I hope this feeling of desolation lessens in time. It is an extremely hard process. Unbearable at times. I hope you are doing well.

Comment by Avi on December 12, 2018 at 9:23pm

Hi Daylight

India is 8.30 hours ahead of Argentina. We can talk at your early morning whenever you want. 

Feeling of desolation still exists for me but I try to be strong and do things (work, travel, eating etc) with sincerity. 

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