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Comment by Ron B on August 6, 2014 at 4:11pm

I think I need to get myself some professional help with my grief..I have had clinical depression for years as it is, but I have always had a purpose...I helped my mom take care of my dad until he passed away in 1995. then my girlfriend and I helped take care of my grand father until he passed in 2002..Then I moved in with grandma to take care of her and my girlfriend would come over to watch her while I was at work until grandma passed in 2006..Then I took care of my girlfriend who had numerous health issues until she passed away in 2008 after 11 years together, then I had 3 cousins and one cousins husband pass away in between, and then I spent the last 12 years taking care of mom up until her death 2 weeks ago.    Now I woke up today totally depressed thinking what is my purpose now? I'm about out of relatives, and I went for a drive thinking about driving my van into a wall at 90mph..I have had thoughts of hurting myself for some time, but now its going to intensify..I'm pretty much a loner, have no personal friends, basically I go through the motions of going to work, and coming home and sleep..I think its about time I get some professional help, or i'll burn out and die early myself.

Comment by Danny on August 2, 2014 at 7:08am

Great Sue thanks for writing.  It is really great to hear the path of people who are a bit further along and have a lot to offer as to how it is say 3 years ago or so.  I am finding it useful to read and chat with them as well. 

Comment by Sue Waxman on August 2, 2014 at 6:52am

Hello Friends,

I have not been on here in awhile. My Mom passed 3 years ago June.

I am so sorry that you are experiencing the pain that you are.

It really never leaves you, you do learn to live with it. You will.

My husband of 20 years left me for a younger woman right before Mom got throat cancer. I lost my business, my house... everything.

I will tell you my heart is different now. Kind of difficult to explain.

My advice is to be the best person YOU can be from this moment forward ro prepare your soul for what comes after this world. Take your pain and be humble, be kind, give what you don't need to someone who does. Make your Mom smile. It is that simple. You and I are living on borrowed time to. Pain is meant to be felt .... it is meant to change you. I myself have cried more than I have laughed. But I can still laugh. Honor your Mom. Let her go and be happy. She deserves your blessing and she needs it. I am here for anyone who needs someone. You are not alone.

Comment by Danny on August 1, 2014 at 6:37pm

Indeed it is a long road.

Comment by Wendy (Boabie) on August 1, 2014 at 2:13pm

Ron, my mom has been gone for nearly a year (Aug 24th) will be the 1 year mark. And my dad has been gone for nearly two years (Aug 17th). I still find myself wanting to call my mom especially. I still call her phone number and i try and hang up before I hear the disconnect sound. We were so close, and it is still very painful. I work fulltime also, and was given two weeks off w/o pay. I tried to return, but had a hard time, and I ended up being out for over a month. So, I know exactly how you feel. All you can do is take things one hour at a time. I know she'd want me to be strong and go on. And I know your mom wants the same for you. It takes time though.... 

Comment by Joe H on July 31, 2014 at 11:30pm

Jason Gray's new song expresses just how I feel. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ullv_XN2d8M

Comment by Ron B on July 31, 2014 at 5:20pm

well my funeral leave is over, and getting ready to go back to work tonight..I really havent grieved yet, but now adding work back into the mix, i'm feeling it now..How mom would give me an 8pm wakeup call every night and knowing tonight at 8pm, there will be no ring..I've caught myself 3 times so far today thinking about giving mom a call, and then it hits me..I dont know if i'm ready to return to work dealing with customers and trying to be smiling and friendly when i'm tearing apart on the inside, but I dont have a choice because I have to earn money to support myself and pay my bills..,I may have to excuse myself and take little breaks to pull myself together...Its going to be a rough night, but I have a lot of rough nights to look forward to after tonight.

Comment by Wendy (Boabie) on July 30, 2014 at 12:09am

Ron, I am truly sorry for your loss. Nobody can ever replace our moms. She will live on in your heart and mind always. It is a real hard & devastating thing to go through. I am forever changed. I pray for you to find peace. Losing my parents has been the most painful experience of my life. Message me if you need to talk.

Comment by Danny on July 29, 2014 at 6:11pm

Ron take care of yourself.  Here for you.

Comment by tigertoo on July 29, 2014 at 5:56pm

Ron, I know exactly how you feel. The pain is so fresh. Just know our Mom' s would want us to go on. It's difficult to go on. I'm here if you need a friend. So sorry for your loss.

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