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Comment by Ron B on September 25, 2015 at 12:00am

It's been awhile since I posted in here..If anything, I am at the worst point in my life..This past July 22 was the 1 year anniversary of losing my mom. Its been a rough year even more so for me because I dont have any friends to support me, or do things with, and i'm pretty much alone as the only relative I have is my brother and him and his family dont want anything to do with me over something thats happened over 20 years ago and they wont forgive me...

     I had my job at first to keep me busy but as of January 12th, after 30 years with my company, I couldnt do the work anymore because of disability, so now i'm on social security disability, and my only outlets were to go visit my former co workers at 3am(I used to be overnights), and now people are making it an issue that i'm keeping them from getting their work done, so technically i'm not allowed to go there and just sit out of the way..i'm only allowed 15 minutes to come in to shop and then leave, so now I go there to pick up odds and ends, and then end up buying a coffee and sitting in a parking lot right next to the railroad tracks..My other source of comfort which is my dog is about to come to an end because she is 10 years old, going blind, has tumors all over her back and cant stand up straight to walk without falling over, so tomorrow I have to go to the veteranarian to end the life of the only friend, only being that still loves me unconditionally as the only other person was my mom who passed last year and my wife who passed in 2008.  This may not be the forum for all this, but not a day or minute passes by that I dont think about suicide..The one thing that kept me from acting on it is my religious beliefs that its a sin and i'll go to hell, but in some ways, I feel i'm already there. I long to hear the advice and conversations with my mother, or to eat my wifes hot home cooked meals which now all I eat is microwaveable crap that is cooked in 2 minutes. Now after tomorrow when I come home from the vet alone, it will be a stone silent house...No dog barking at every little noise, no furry head to pat, noone to talk with, or do anything with.

    sorry to be so depressing, but i'm hurting more than I ever have and at my breaking point...Just wanted to vent out a little in a grief chatroom.

Comment by Angela smith on September 24, 2015 at 10:37am

Tanya I  am  so  sorry  for  your  loss, and  I  look to find  a grief group  as my health  has been  affected  with the deep  shock and stress of losing  mom. Its been almost  2 months and we continue  to  try and pick up  the  shattered  pieces  left without  our  beautiful  mom.

Comment by Kate on September 24, 2015 at 2:27am

Tanya, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. Grief is the biggest challenge of my life. I can say though, that it has gotten better over time for me and I do so truly hope it does for you too. Sending support your way.

Comment by John Barry on September 24, 2015 at 1:10am

Hi Tonya, I lost my mother 2 years ago. I also went to Grief Share. They helped me a lot, would not have made it without them. I've now gone through the course 2 and 1/2 times. I do recommend taking the course at least twice.

Comment by Tonya Dean on September 23, 2015 at 9:21am

Thank you Charity.

Comment by charity wolf on September 23, 2015 at 8:58am

I am sorry for your loss, Tonya. I wanted to send you love...hugs

Comment by Tonya Dean on September 22, 2015 at 9:32am

Tomorrow marks nine months since I lost my mother and it honestly hasn't gotten any easier.  I still cry every day.  I've joined a local GriefShare group, which has helped tremendously, and I've learned that sometimes you just have to cry and not apologize for it.  I'm so glad to have found this online group.

Comment by charity wolf on September 15, 2015 at 7:32pm

Thank you Danny:) hugs

Comment by Danny on September 15, 2015 at 2:44pm

great words charity wolf and yes she lives on. 

Comment by charity wolf on September 15, 2015 at 10:33am

Nancy,

 Thank you so much for your incredibly kind words. You lift me up and boy do I need that...hugs

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