Comment

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 9, 2019 at 8:23pm

Avi, just keep focusing on the good things in your life. You are blessed.

Comment by Avi on February 8, 2019 at 3:27am

Yes Brett. We need to make everything OK which is difficult. I need to go to office daily, spend 8 hours there, have food, wash my clothes and do everything which I am supposed to do. At the deep of my heart I don't want to do anything. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 5, 2019 at 3:19pm

I think it's those tricks and distractions (though necessary) that gets us in trouble. There is a stark reality to what has happened that will not be ignored. When I go to bed there are no distractions.

We need to be able to convince ourselves that everything is okay. And the best way to do that is to make everything as okay as possible. I have a long way to go to make that happen. 

Comment by Avi on February 5, 2019 at 8:34am

Similar to what Brett mentioned, yesterday's night was nightmare for me. I wake up two time in panic not sure why. 

I cried a lot for two days and cannot do anything but to accept and regret. 

Comment by M Adams on February 4, 2019 at 8:43pm

I have something similar I think, rush of negative thoughts at lights out and then when I’ve finally managed to trick or distract most of them away and start to drift, it’s like I suddenly find out that my mother is dead, my husband is dead, like something that just happened, although it’s been months for my mother and more than two years for my husband.  And my heart starts pounding and it’s like I’m terrified, although at the same time I’m not deluded, I do know that it isn’t new information, but it feels like it is.  Started reading some stuff lately about considering that love and especially the people we love are on loan to us, and maybe that is making some sense to me as an approach that might help me to better accept my current reality. Not yet though.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 4, 2019 at 7:21pm

I just want to add... this is horrible. I always miss my mom so much, but there are times when the reality that my mom is not coming back is just too much. I couldn't sleep last night. When the lights are out and it's so quiet, I can think so much more clearly, and that's not always a good thing, because I can picture my mom so well. Sometimes I feel almost a sense of panic when I feel the reality of my mom's death. It's like I can close my eyes and it all seems so fresh, and I wonder how time got away from me so quickly. Just yesterday (It seems like) she was here. Now she's gone. All in the twinkling of an eye. I want my old life back, but I cannot have it, ever again. That is so hard to accept.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 4, 2019 at 6:19pm

My photo albums are in a drawer next to me bed. It's like opening Pandora's box. I just can't.

Comment by M Adams on February 4, 2019 at 5:19pm

It’s strange about pictures.  After my husband died I immediately searched for and printed out phots and put them everywhere in frames so I could see him.  Later I made a photo album with pictures of him and us and our life, also writing about him and the story behind individual pictures.  That meant a lot to me but after I finished it I haven’t been able to look at it again, afraid it would be too painful. Yet I’m glad it’s there.  At some point I will be able to look at it.  Since my mother’s death I have also surrounded myself with pictures of her which I do find comforting. I want to be able to see her wherever I am.  Yet when my father sends photos of her, which he now does all the time, I often can’t face opening the envelope for many days, and when I do finally open them, seeing the photos make me cry.  Yet after I posted my mother’s picture here, the kind response was uplifting for me.  So basically it is all kind of confusing and I’m not surprised that some people are like Brett and not up for looking at pictures of the people they have lost.

Comment by Theresa on January 31, 2019 at 6:35pm

She looks like a wonderful person.

Its hard and it always will be

Avi, hang in there we all have success and many many failures

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 31, 2019 at 6:22pm

It's good that you can look at her picture. I have 100's of pictures of my mom but I am afraid to look at them. That cut is still very raw. But I think it's wonderful and therapeutic for you to look at her. Maybe one day I will be able to look at a picture of my mom and smile instead of cry. 

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