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Comment by Jane on February 27, 2017 at 10:01pm

what?, 2 weeks... I am so sorry :(

Comment by BLUEBELL on February 27, 2017 at 9:37pm

Feb. 14th 2017. I guess that makes it 2 weeks ago already

Comment by Jane on February 27, 2017 at 9:17pm

Bluebell, you didn't have to accept my friend request, that is fine... I had a bad day yesterday.  Some days the abandonment from my sister and her daughter just get to me.  It's been 2 years 4mo since my Mom passed away... some days are still very hard.  Bluebell, how long has it been since your Mom passed?

Comment by BLUEBELL on February 27, 2017 at 8:24pm

Thank you Nancy. It is a rough day. We are going to have to decide what to do with Mom's house in the next 2 months because of the Reverse Mortgage she took out on it. It really hurts. I know my Mom's house is not her, but they sure seem to be tied together. The thought of selling it seems to be doubling my grief. Bottom line is that reality is slapping me in the face and it feels really bad.

Bluebell

Comment by Leila on February 27, 2017 at 12:49pm

Bluebell,
I feel certain you can and will lead a full and happy life. Just the fact that you are talking, sharing, and seeking a path through your grief says you have hope for the future. I know it takes time. It's been almost two years since I lost my mom and I'm still grieving. I have not been able to give away any of her clothes or possessions, not even her old grocery lists. My dad is still at their house and wanted everything out quickly, so I store it all in the formal dining room we never use. My life will NEVER be the same. How could it? But we can still rejoice in God's gift of life, have rewarding relationships, and live a life that will make our moms proud of us. Making her proud is probably what I think about the most. I think I'll have periods of intense sadness forever. I'm so thankful for this group because there is nobody else in my life I can speak openly with (except my counselor) about the constant pain of missing my mom. I have come to believe that though I have many blessings and much happiness, it will always be tinged with an underlying sadness. Maybe I will feel differently years down the road, but I doubt it. I occasionally visit an elderly woman who befriended my mom in the nursing home. She is an intelligent, compassionate woman who I admire. She told me she still misses her mother as much as the day she lost her.

Comment by BLUEBELL on February 27, 2017 at 9:23am

"I am just hoping that one day it goes away and I will be able to 

live again."

I know what you mean Theresa. My heart goes out to you. We....meaning all of us on this forum.... are here for eachother. None of us has to go through this alone.

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on February 27, 2017 at 5:18am

Bluebell, in time you will, but right now you are grieving.

Everyone keeps saying to me take your time, sometimes I like I am taking my time, my problem is I keep going over and over things in my head, not they will change

I wake up anxious and when I get to work it distracts me, somewhat.

I am just hoping that one day it goes away and I will be able to 

live again.

Comment by BLUEBELL on February 26, 2017 at 8:03pm

Theresa,

I saw my Mom every day and night. My own home became a very expensive kennel for my dog and 2 cats. I  only went home twice a day to feed the cats and dog and walk the dog. I worked part time just a couple of days a week for a few hours. As her health further declined, I always made sure my sister was able to be with her. But the primary responsibility was mine. Now that she is gone, I am all off kilter. I can't seem to pack up and leave her home and move back to mine. It is just seems more than I can bear. I thought I would be happy to be able to carry on with my life and go back to the way the it was before I became her caregiver. But it is not. I can't let go yet of what was my routine for so long

Comment by Theresa on February 26, 2017 at 2:48pm

Bluebell, my only sibling is my brother, he is 17 years older than me, his view on my mom passing was "it was moms time", he believes the lord took her for that reason.

But he is compassionate and caring, but he lives 5 hours away and rarely saw my mom.

I saw my mom if I was off from work during the week and every Sunday like clockwork.

I talked to her 15 times a day just to see where she was and if she was ok.

I used to panic if I called her cell and she didn't answer, my heart would sink in fear that something happened.

Wow did things go down differently.

I get so upset that I aggravate my anxiety which in turn aggravates my IBS, horrible.

I do feel better when I am around people and interacting.

One day at a time is what I keep saying and praying

Comment by BLUEBELL on February 26, 2017 at 2:10pm

I am sorry Theresa. Some people are not very caring and your m in law is one of them. I have so many feelings and thoughts marching around in my head, that I think it is going to take some time to figure it all out. Many of them seem to be about my relationship with my brothers and sister. I have no anger at them. I just want them to be closer to me. I want my brothers to acknowledge that it is okay for me to grief as intensely as I am. I want to be able to give myself permission that it is okay for me to grieve the way I am grieving and that the intensity of it is okay.

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